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im so emotional about this, why?family reuniting

my husband was separated from his family when he was younger, last seen his brother when he was a teen, his sister even younger and he is now 30. they just tracked him down...i am awash in emotions over this, i am excited at some points, at others i am holding back tears. sometimes i feel like going yay, others i am just confused. Why am I feeling like this ? he has been choked up and in tears more than once over this yet he is hiding it from me but completely open to them about it after all these years..part of me is going why is he shutting me out but being 100% open to them? i thought this was a big family moment, i was the one they found first and i relayed the message. i thought it would be great, but he is opening up emotionally to them on levels he has never opened up to me and instead of having me be a part of this at his side..he is hiding it from me. I suddenly feel like the 3rd wheel. I am not telling him any of these feelings because I dont want to take this time away from him, its about him and he would tell me "why do you care? they are not your brother and sister" I know he would say that...I don't understand all these emotions I have right now, I was not expecting to feel all of this when it started. and I seen something that was written and he was expressing to his sister that she was his heart and their are some ppl in life if they were gone forever he would have a hard time going on, and he listed those ppl..her, his brother, his daughter, the woman he calls mom.....but he didnt say me. I am really confused right now, This was supposed to be super happy, but here I am getting emotional and feeling like I just got shoved into the shadows. Last night was our last night together before he went to the field for a week, we always spend the last night doing couple stuff since we won't see eachother for a week and he didnt even go to bed with me, he just let me go to sleep alone and asked for privacy so he could talk to his siblings. I understand they have catching up and they are family...I just hate feeling like I am the 3rd wheel now and he is shutting me out of this when I thought being his wife meant I was his family to. Why am I getting these feelings? Is this normal for family reuniting after so long? I don't want to feel like this, it's a burden for me and for him if he finds out

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:58 AM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Every family has a dif story and there are stuff that sometimes you don't want anyone to know, also could be stuff regarding his siblings that he cant tell you about because they asked not to, if they were separated maybe it was for a very ugly situation within the family and he is just not ready to tell you, or like I said before he was asked not to mention to anyone ever, he could be willing to tell you at some point but if not don't take it personal I know it is hard not to but there are just things that can't be said.

    Answer by gou18 at 4:18 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • U know.. it may not b that he is shutn u out. Mayb this is smthng he jus needs to do on his on. Mayb there r personal issues/ topics that need to b discussed or resolved 1st.. When the time is right I believe he will let u in... Give it time.. Time for them to soak in the moment of reunite as a family.. Than.. He will eventually let u end.. My advice would b to give it time & if he doesnt.. Talk to him tell him how ur happy for him & how u would luv to b a part of this important part of his life... But dnt com on too strong like u expressed n ur question.. He could take it as u being jealous on ur part..

    Answer by tiamesmer at 4:31 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • it is not a pretty history. i know what happened, it scarred my husband very badly, to summarize it, the mother gave up her sons one day, but kept the daughter because her new husband was not the father of the boys. then down the road the mother said she was going to take them back..everyone got excited...she deserted them again..not long following the two brothers were separated into different homes and my husband was a homeless teenager at one point. His mother deserting him like that has always been a huge scar on his heart, that would affect anyone. He is not overly eager to talk to his biological mother, but his siblings yes..of course. I thought about it and although some part of me is emotionally confused about this and honestly some part of me feels protective because the mother is wanting to talk to him and I know how badly that may hurt him, which naturally I don't want him to get hurt again.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:40 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • so I did what I thought was the best thing I could do, I sent a nice message to his siblings. Nothing overly deep, not at that level yet, just something nice, friendly and expressing my overall support of them reuniting. I asked if they had any pictures of him as a child because that would be exciting. He has nothing from his childhood, not even one picture. If I could see him as a child, omg that would be priceless and I know mean a lot to him. I tried to think of the possibilities this has now for me and my daughter as well...she now has an Aunt and Uncle , I am an only child so she never any aunts or uncles. She also has a cousin now which makes me a married in Aunt..I've never been an Aunt. My hubby is an Uncle, I have a sister in law..I am still emotionally chaotic right now lol, but Im not going to let that ruin what could be potentially very positive.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:44 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Thats right hon.. Keep ur head up.. My prayers & heart goes out to u yall..

    Answer by tiamesmer at 5:13 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

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