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whats the best advice...if any

my SO and i have a 19 mo son lately for the past month he has worked overtime getting home late around 10PM sometimes and not seeing our son because he goes to bed at 8 my son always talks about his dad he will play with my cellphone and he will always say "daddy where you?" or he will go to the door looking for him. im a stay at home mom and take care of all the responsibilitys around the house. my SO works an hour away from our home and i cant help but think that im basically a single mother i do it all its getting harder and harder and it seems like my SO just cares about the money he is making...yes were kinda in debt but thats no excuse to not be around his son....it has been like this since he was born and im really tired of it ive tried talking to him about it but he just cant accept that he isnt there for our son or myself....any help on what i should do??

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brandnew744

Asked by brandnew744 at 4:29 AM on Nov. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Level 9 (318 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • He is there. He's working his ass off so you can be at home. He's carring all the weight of the bills and every other monetary worry on his shoulders. And he comes home to you. You should appreciate the man you have.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 6:35 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I think you need to talk to him again. It sounds like he is working very hard to get you guys out of debt and to support you all. I think that if you just nag him about the fact that he is not home then he is going to get very upset.

    Sometimes it is hard to see the other point of view. I am a stay at home mom of 3 so I understand how hard it can be some times. I think that you need to talk to him and explain how you feel and listen to what he is saying. He is probably just as stressed as you are,

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:56 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I know its hard my husband worked overnight for a year. Not only was he never home but he never saw our son. Our son was like eight months old when he went overnight and I was 6 mos pregnant with my daughter. My husband was still overnight for like 6 mos after my daughter was born and I had to take care of two infants all day and all night by myself and it was hard and my kids barely knew their dad at all. But you know in this day and age its hard for the dads to be around even if they want. Like I tell my husband its not how much your home its what you make of the time you are home. Good Luck and hang in there, at least you have a man who works hard to provide for you and his family.
    maggieradford

    Answer by maggieradford at 7:52 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Id have to know him better to give advice. My bf worked a lot and not b/c money. He sometimes went to work when he didnt have to just so that he didnt have to have responsibilities at home. So if thats your case then I know how you feel
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:57 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • You could get a job so he wouldn't have to work so much and he could spend time with your son. Maybe you could go to his work once in awhile and meet him for lunch. It would give you a little time to spend together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • This period won't last forever. It is too bad that he can't be around his child more, even so. If he is around on weekends then that may be enough - and give him a happy break after working so hard all week. At one time I felt like a single mom, too, but he did come home and he did love us all. There are moms who really are single moms. If I may, I'd suggest supporting him as much as you can and making opportunities for him to see his son. If he can on weekends, then good. If he even works over weekends, which my husband did, then perhaps get the child up so his dad can see him. or at least talk about your son to his dad just to keep him up to date. Be supportive, it will help him. Be happy and loving, it will make him feel that his sacrifices are worth it.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:40 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Men sometimes respond to fatherhood by taking their financial responsibilities really seriously, while the women respond by nurturing and nesting at home with the baby. If you were in debt and he is trying to get out of debt that is a good thing. Try talking to him, letting him know how much you appreciate how hard he is working and how valuable that contribution is. And just try to plan some fun things or just enjoy being together when you do get that precious time.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 12:18 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I know it's probably hard to deal with and I know it's hard when your son calls out for his dad but you need to realize that he's there for you and your son by paying the bills and financially caring for you. I know you probably want to be taken care of emotionally but in a world were right now we are all in debt and a recession you should be happy that it's only him your son is having to miss and not both of you. That's the sacrifice your S/O is making by not seeing you guys but getting you guys through. If I were you. I would thank him for his hard work and I would take advantage of the time you do have him. Would you rather have him home or day than to get the bills paid and your son taken care of?
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:43 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • If your feeling sad or alone go out with your son. See the brighter things in life. Go out for Coffee with a friend or go for walks even get your son a pet so he has someone to love and play with and maybe distract him from not having daddy around. Go out with other moms and kids and he'll start to enjoy other things more.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:45 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I agree with Chrissy629; well said and to the point!
    Jerseymom1228

    Answer by Jerseymom1228 at 5:00 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

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