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2 Bumps

fed up with your kids

I have a soon to be 15yo step daughter who is miserable to live with and now that she is back in touch with her mom after a year and a half (you'd be amazed why they lost contact and it's about as bad as a mom could get). Well now she's back on the "I want to live with my mom!" my husband and I know it's a whole different ballgame at mom's (too much freedom) but we're sick of living in it every day. I can't describe how f'ing miserable it is and her dad is sick of it too. We talked about letting her go to her mom's when we found out she snuck and got in touch with her mom. We knew this was coming. At that time he said if she started her crap again he was gonna tell her to pack her s*it and go. Last night the girls wanted to get pissy over I still don't know what. I txt the SD and told her if she had anything to say to me that she needed to say it to me not go through the other one. No txt as expected. I asked her a few more questions with no response and then I told her I expected a response when I as a question. She sends back "I want to go live with my mom. I'm done living here bye". All I told her was that she needed to talk to her dad about it. Anything she throws a bitch fit over to me and I refer her to her dad she won't talk to him about it. It's like the question magically disappears but her attitude still sucks. We've done years of reasoning, explaining, and her mom has done almost 15 years of lying, disappointing, and not protecting her daughter as well as never going to school or sport functions, parent teacher conferences, and has always pawned her off on someone else to watch. My question is this....have u been faced with the "I am sick of this crap if you wanna go live like that more power to ya!"?  BTW, she is in counseling..has been for over a year as a result of something that happened at her mom's with her NOW husband....but yet the kid still wants to live there now after swearing she'd never step foot in there with the man again.  nice huh?  Don't bother saying him alone is enough reason to make her stay.  She's 15yo and she can tell if she wants to.  She's a compulsive liar and has had DCS called on me as well as him and her reason for doing it to me was "because she was mad".  She was mad because we were leaving the church we attended.  She's ridiculous.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:52 AM on Jan. 31, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Well if you are sick of her and dh is you should let her go live with her mom. She is 15 and if it came down to it in court then the judge would listen to why she wanted to go and might let her choose where to live. 15 is a hard time period with girls. I have a 22 yr old dd and at 15 omg I thought I was going to throw her out the front door some days. I never did of course. She had no where to go. Her dad was never around.
    Anyway, at some point you have to let them start seeing things on their own. When my ex started calling and coming around my dd was around 15 too. She thought I was bad & evil & her dad was awesome. It was all lies he told her, but I let them have a relationship. She figured out on her own I wasnt the bad guy, and he was what he was. They have to learn on their own about their parents. Maybe its time.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:57 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Sounds like she has learned to be defensive and protect herself. Sounds like she doesnt really have anyone on her side...especially her mom.

    Try putting yourself in her shoes for a minute...being a teen is hard enough...not to mention the things she has been through. And as far as her being mad for leaving a church....maybe she felt comfortable there or had a grip on things there...I would not have moved her.....it may have been the only stable thing she had.

    I know she is not right for doing the things she has done...but it seems to me tha tshe is doing these things because she is damaged...and that is not her fault.

    I think she needs a little tough love...but leaning more on the side of love and understanding.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • i'd let her go live with her mother. you and your husband will always be the enemy if you try to make her stay. it will be a constant fight. sometimes they have to learn life the hard way.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 9:08 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • OP here- for the OP above saying she is lost with no one....that kid has had everything handed to her. She's played any sport or activity she wanted with both her dad and I there for her. I gave up my career to homeschool her for a few years to get her caught up in school because her self esteem was tanking, she is a strong A-B student now. The reason we left the church was because the pastor flat called me a liar when I told him I saw his daughter come out of the bathroom with a guy during service and she was only friends with one family there whom she still sees and spends the night with. You're buying her sob story and haven't even met her. Here's a great example of her: She made a big deal to someone that I had bought plastic hangers for the other girls and that I've always made her use wire ones and wouldn't let her use plastic. They're friggin hangers I don't care who uses them...give me a break!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:21 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • If she lives with her mom than she will not be in a loving home. She is a teenager and being difficult, but she is not an adult. She needs quality people around her. You obviously need a break though. Can you get some time away?
    jthor

    Answer by jthor at 8:27 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

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