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my stepdaughter hates me what do I do?

I recently found out that my stepdaughter hated me fromthe start and lied about everything.She confessesd to causing problems and fights so my husband and I would break up.I loved her as if she was my own fromthe start and now as much love as I had for her then is the amount of hate that I have for her for hurting me, is this normal?

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penny220

Asked by penny220 at 9:26 AM on Jan. 31, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 3 (22 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I dont think what you feel is hate per say but you feel disappointed and betrayed. How old is she? Did she succeed in a split up?> All of that can also contribute to how you feel.
    If shes young well, look at it that way from her angle. Maybe she didnt want her dad married to someone else in hopes he and her mom could get back together. Kids do feel this way sometimes. My son is 10, almost 11. He has always hated his step mom. I have known this from day 1 and he was only 3 when he met her. By the time he was 5 he was vocal to me about how he couldnt stand her. I never told her I didnt want to hurt her feelings. He is a kid though, and I tried to look at it from his perspective.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:30 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Its normal to be hurt but you have to remember she was/is a child and most kids dont want their parent with anyone else but the other parent. It wasnt personal,she would have hated anyone. Why did she confess this now? Was she trying to hurt you further or was she coming clean? Is she an adult now or still a child? Either way, lwt it go. You dont have to love her, just be pleasant
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 9:33 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • You have to realize where she is coming from. She wants to make daddy happy and if daddy loves you she feels obligated to "have" to like you. I don't know your situation but she may feel like your trying to be the mom she doesn't want or need especially if her mom is in her life. It sounds like she is young and angry at the situation. You need to strive to be her friend, not her parent. I have an AWESOME step mom. She is awesome because she never tried to be my mom. We always had lots of fun and I love her as if she was my mom, but not because she ever tried to be my mom. You need to have nothing but love for her and realize that she is in a very hard position and so are you. Don't be angry or hateful to her. It is what it is...so now you know she was faking it..so what? LOVE her and it will bring about nothing but good!
    sweetiepie8540

    Answer by sweetiepie8540 at 9:34 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Thanks to all of you who responded back. Gemgem to answer some of your quesions she is now 16 this all came out when she was 14. No she did not succee d in breaking us up because I knew what she was up to I just didn't have the proof until one day it all happened on Facebook.She came out and said how she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me from the start and she did all the things she did so her father and I would get into fights. She claims she had enough of me for 10 years the time I met her she was 4 , so I know from those words the mother had a lot of brain washing going on.She admitted that she never gave a crap about me or my other kids. What's sad is that I then put my pwn kids on the back burner so I can try and help her get past this divorce they were going thru and the end result was I hurt my own children.Do I hate her? i don't really think so, broken hearted absolutely, so do I just let it go? don't know .
    penny220

    Comment by penny220 (original poster) at 2:47 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Blending families is always difficult. A family counselor can be a huge help for all of you
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:55 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Yes I know I have gone to counseling by myself to see if there was maybe something wrong with me..LOL I found out a lot of things that I have been blaming myself for which I shouldn't have.My husband and I did take her to counseling when she was younger it lasted (1) visit, when her mother found out she said wasn't allowing it.I'm sure she was upset because I'm thinking things would've come out that she didn't want us to know. Just can't get past this and every day that goes by hurts deeper and deeper because I felt like I was being used.Whenever she had a problem with her mother drinking, going out or fighting she would run to us, now that's she is older (16) she can take care of herself. Many people tell me to just take care of my kids and don't worry about her she has a mother & father and I guess now they're right, but sometimes you wonder why things happen and why people do what they do to others. How do u let go?
    penny220

    Comment by penny220 (original poster) at 11:56 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

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