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I think its over....

DH and I have been married for 2.5 years, have one child, and another on the way. Things since our son was born in 2009 are different. He deployed to Iraq shortly after the baby was born and I had fairly bad PPD. I changed as a person, and so did he. I'm not happy and I havent been in a very long time. He knows, but I am so scared to leave, I cant afford to leave. I dont have a car, a job, nothing. We have one vehicle and because of the nature of his work, myself working isnt really an option. I feel trapped. I stay home all day and I dont see any adults really. I have a few friends but I rarely hang out with them. I want a divorce, but I am so scared to tell him. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I think you should go to counsleing, and get some friends. I think you two could grow back together if you had some adult time.
    Pink_caffiene

    Answer by Pink_caffiene at 10:37 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Have you thought about counseling? You really haven't been married that long, have a child with another on the way, plus he was deployed. The 2 of you haven't had much of chance to have a marriage.

    how_reb

    Answer by how_reb at 10:37 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • OP here-


    he wont go to counseling. He refuses. I have been but I always come back to wanting to get out. He wont ever stop deploying. He'll be leaving again in a year. He doesnt help with our son, and when I ask he acts like its a huge deal. He doesnt listen, he doesnt help around the house, he just plays his video games or wants to go out with his buddies.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:40 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • All you can do is be honest - tell him you want a divorce, and figure it out from there.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:49 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • It sounds like it is time to say "either we BOTH work on us, or they will not be an us". He needs to either be willing to try or you are continuing to try to stay for something you cannot fix and that is probably making you feel this way. If he is unwilling to try and you have there is no point in continuing to fight this alone. Start planning. It may take time but start saving, look into going back to school, trying to figure out how you support your children and get a fresh start so you can find happiness for you and your kids. Good luck!!
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 10:51 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • A MUST : WATCH THE MOVIE "LIFE AS WE KNOW IT". It's about an imcompatible pair, growing up a toddler. Their love grows despite their differences.

    * * *

    1. A divorse is the easy opt out.
    2. I feel you're pressed BY CIRCUMSTANCES, and your relationship has changed, and this is what makes you feel you don't want to be with him any more. Your man goes through tough times too, and from movies and short videos I've watched, his life must be really hard, maybe harder than yours.

    Work on your communication with him, tell him you need him - men love to hear that - and you feel nice when he's expressing his feelings for you.

    I know how it feels to be home alone all day with no friends.
    You need some light into your life. Some new interests, so that when you talk to him again, you'll be the happy girl he once met.

    I feel that both you and the kids will be happy if you stick to your man.
    lillyblue111

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 11:32 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I am sick of people saying a divorce is an easy way out. It most certainly is NOT. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life and you know what? I'm happy I did. My son and I are happier since. Divorce is never easy.

    I do not believe someone should stay married and be miserable. If he will adamantly NOT work on your marriage, OP, you should move on. Tell him you tried but you can only do so much on your own. If he won't work WITH you, there is no relationship and nothing to salvage. Best wishes.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:22 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I don't think she should be saying how much she needs HIM and coddle HIM when he is clearly not tending to her needs that she has voiced to him. Why glorify a man who's not being a good husband to his wife?

    If he keeps deploying, he wants to be there. If he is engrossed in video games or his friends and not activities with his wife and child, he is not whole-heartedly into this marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • He's always provided financially, but it's just gone. I can't even stand him to touch me. He will keep deploying because he's infantry and resigned not too long ago. He is stuck in the Army until 2015. I am just scared about what happens next. What do I do? I'm 1800 miles from all of my family.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:43 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

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