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what should I tell her?

I am 19 years old with a 3 month old. My best friend is 17 almost 18 and we were hanging out at my house last night when her boyfriend (who is 21) called, the talked to a second but after they conversation, he did hang up. She didn't realize it right away and just put her phone down and we got back to talking. A couple minutes later, we heard a voice and realized what had happended, no naturally, we listened in. Her boyfriend was talking with his friend and after a minute he told his friend he was gonna propose, apparently he showed him the ring. The friend asked if they have had sex yet (they have been dating about a year and a half and they haven't, she is a virgin and he is not but he respects that she is and doesnt' ever try to get her to). When he told his friend they haven't his friend asked if he planned on it when he proposed, he said he wasn't sure, but he did plan on taking her back to his apartment to propose and he would see what happens. But he also said that she is not on the pill (because they are not doing anything) and that would risk getting her pregnant but then he said he wouldn't really mind that, his friend said "really?" and he said "yeah, I love her and I want to marry her, why shouldn't I want to have a baby with her?" At that point, we hung up and talked for hours. She def wants to marry him and she said that she thinks she is really to have sex. She graduates high school in a couple months. What are the opinions on this situation?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Everyone matures at a different pace, and some girls may be able to handle marriage at 18 years old, though I would still encourage any daughter of mine to wait and experience some of the world first. Even if a girl is very mature at that age, she is not old enough to understand all that's out there or what she might someday want for herself. And I would most definitely encourage her to wait to have babies! Even when you are married, I think it is just better to spend some time being married before babies come along.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 10:54 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • if she is going to have sex with him, that's her choice but i think they need to use protection and wait to have a baby since they're both pretty young
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 10:51 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • They should use protection if they choose to have sex. 17 is still young and you cannot really expect to support your child in a manner you might want to with a HS diploma. She should decide if she is going to marry him but still carry out a long engagement (atleast another year) and make sure everything is going to work out since she is finishing school and they will have more freedom and time together. Its a life changing event alone (to graduate), then become engaged, have sex etc. Why add anymore to it?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:53 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Tell her not to say yes yet! And don't go back to his apartment! She's still young. She needs to enjoy life without being tied down first - college maybe, maybe a little traveling, etc. If she wants to marry him and vice versa then they should wait a few years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • She needs to wait until she finishes high school to get pregnant, she should go on the pill or be sure she uses protection if/when she has sex. After graduation is the time to discuss marriage and plans for the future.

    You know ya'll shouldn't have been listening in, right? I know it started out as an accident, but you should have hung up.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:54 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I don't see a problem with them being married and in college together. They can support eachother while married (and be sexual since married). There will be other temptations if not.
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 2:08 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • If she wants to marry him I don't see a problem, but I would tell her to wait to get pregnant enjoy being together first because you don't get much of it after a baby. If they decide to have sex thats fine just use a condomn to make sure they're both protected. Trust me the two of them having their marriage first is more important than having a baby now...with them luck!!!
    ramita

    Answer by ramita at 2:19 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • No!!! Why ruin it just wait til the honeymoon.. nobody waits anymore so sad!!!! God will bless them its so pecial. To go pure to the alter.
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 2:05 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I also think they should wait to have a baby. He has a good job so they would be ok and she could just go to college and take care of the baby but I told her (as a college student and mother myself) it is hard to do both. I do think it is sweet how he doesn't mind waiting even though he has had sex before. I went to school with both of them (different grades) but they really do seem to love each other.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:32 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • You posted this in the parents of teens section.... so Im guessing you want an adult oppion.

    SHE IS TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED. That is the advice I would give her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Jan. 31, 2011