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advice for me, her father does not ewven call to see how she is!?

daughter is three and a half, we left 4 months ago, he has come two tomes at beginning, i took her there day after christmas, his interest has gone to near zero
he did call this weekend, only to ask my mother for a recipe!? he said to say hi to me, and gave his daughter a hug, he didnot even ask how she is?

anyone else been in this boat, many further down the way- have any advice?
my daughter asks about him (she has limited speech, but plays with toys and makes one "daddy" and sometimes says "where daddy?"
i just say that he does not live here
what to do at her young age
part of me wishes he never calls again, no father better than one that shows up so little, just to get her interested in him again??

i feel so bad for her

we do not have ANY male in her life right now, thinking if there was ANY male, she would not ask for him at all or very little, can i place an ad for one-lol, only half kidding on that

 
fiatpax

Asked by fiatpax at 10:58 AM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Your loving concerns are really sweet; I can understand your position.
    You seem to adore her, and you're right, she does need a male role-model, especially as she grows up.
    Her dad seems to be absent in his heart and body. No matter your differences as a couple, he should be there for her.

    If I were you, I'd try to socialize at the Library, in a Museum or any other places where NICE MEN can be found.
    I mean, if you go to a night club or a singles bar, I'm not sure you'd find many committed, mature guys there.

    I feel you need a man in your life for your own needs as well. I feel you need protection, you can't do it all on your own.

    Ideally, you need a single father, so he can understand and support your child, and appreciate your mother and female influence in his life.

    Good luck !

    lillyblue111

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 11:16 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • You need a custody order in place first off. That way he has a schedule of when to see her and maybe he will come if he knows he has one? If he isnt involved there is nothing you can do to force it though. But get a custody order set up so you can be sure to have her available for him, and have something in writing about you being able to make decisions for her in case he does stop coming around.

    As for your dd just be there for her. Dont bad mouth him. And just realize sometimes this happens. We dont know the future maybe itll all work out in the end.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:03 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • My ex-HUsband, is the same way but worse. He never sees him, or calls to see how his is. We got divorced when my son was 4, My son is now seven. So I totally understand
    EttaMay

    Answer by EttaMay at 11:02 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • My son's dad, lives nearby, calls the day after his birthday, hardly sees him. Dissapeared for 3 years comes back and wants to have rights. Well, he see's his son every now and then. My son isn't a cute little kid that knows nothing anymore. He wants to know why we aren't together. He wants to know why his dad doesn't come around. He has a lot of questions, and I'm gonna leave that up to him to answer, since I really don't know what his deal was. I won't bash his dad, nor do I keep him from him, but he does owe my son an explanation for leaving his child.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:07 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • dd's father is the same way. No advice, sorry, just letting you know you are not alone! He does call about 2 or 3 times per year... that's all... no letters, no visits...nothing... DD was the same when she was that age...she is now 10 and doesn't ask as much... and last Xmas, he called on the 26th and we were out. When we got back and received the message, I asked her whether she wanted to call himn back and she just said> No, let HIM call back.
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 11:08 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Be strong, mama. Eventually, you should make some legal decisions, so clear rules are made. Otherwise, the future could be difficult. And I do speak from experience there. But for now, the situation is fresh. Until you decide where to go from here- just keep your little girl's schedule regular. Stay positive, and always answer questions about Daddy truthfully, but not hurtfully. She will adapt, based on your reaction.
    mama_moonsong

    Answer by mama_moonsong at 11:11 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • sorry about the typos
    fiatpax

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 11:00 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • we were never marries and in this state, moms have 100% of rights until father files in court
    if and when it goes to court i will be seeking full custody and placement with only SUPERVISED visits
    a therapist he and i went to, said he should not be alone with her
    long story..but therapist said no sexual boundaries ! plus more- very disturbing
    he know most likely knows that the therapist did tell me that she would testify in court under oath on her 'finding in report'
    i told his mother.. iknew she would tell him (against lawyer advice) but i wanted him to know, so maybe he would not fight court battle to come
    so i think he is avoiding the whole thing, if it goes to court his "secret' life and his boundary issues with come up

    have made it known he is welcome here (hour and 15 minutes away) also have welcomed his mother-she has made NO attempt to contact me about her granddaughter, no phone call, no email, no visit

    fiatpax

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 11:11 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • i do not say bad things about him
    just say he does not live here
    sometimes she says "dady work?" and i say he has his own house, and we live here
    do not want to say yes he is working, i think this means to her that he will be coming back home?

    i wish she had a dad!
    i could go forever without a man, (kind of done with men) but part of me wants to date just to see if there is possibley any descent man alive, to have a family with, to give my daughter a male figure

    maybe i could rent one? (for her, not me)LMAO= half kidding half serious!
    fiatpax

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 11:19 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • im going thru the same thing. but i left my babys father the day my son turned 1..after that he just asked to see my son a few times...its been 2yrs since and he doesn't call or doesn't do anything for his son....my son doesn't know who his father is..i don't talk smack about him to my son at all...i guess we have learned how to live without him...show your baby and her father that you can do great on raising her with or without him..show your daughter you dont need man for everything...and put his ass on child support...good luck
    jrsmommy17

    Answer by jrsmommy17 at 9:17 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

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