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2 Bumps

Waiting for the implosion!

My husband and mother are teetering on a confrontation this week. My dh did some work for my mom last summer on her yard. At the time he told he he would not due it for free but just a little something for his time and for gas. Well they never discussed a price, so shame on both of them IMO. But also given that my mom is family he could have been a little more forthcoming with what he expected. Well basically when all was said and done he gave her a bill for $1100 and she was duly pissed. Well she anticipated a couple hundred based on their discussions. Now mom is good at knowing it is not my fault and tries to keep me outta this. She has paid him about $300 thusfar and I think given she is family he is being a jackass about this. Well he is hounding her for the rest and hounding me to hound her. Basically I just gave her the heads up because I told them both that I am out of this because I think they BOTH should have discussed this prior to the work being done. But my dh always gets pissed when I tell him that but I am sorry it is BS they way it went down and my dh does what is convenient when it is convenient and I don't agree with him at all......so my mom has pretty much told me he is not going to like it when she talks to him. Mind you there have been times she has helped us out in the past without repayment, but he is expecting a premium for his time because he knows they make more than us, but still that is no excuse for how ignorantly this was all handled.....so now I wait for the implosion. Now to wait for the fall out! Any ideas how to avoid this fiasco as much as I possibly can?

Answer Question
 
2boysnaprincess

Asked by 2boysnaprincess at 11:16 AM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,438 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Don't talk to either of them about it. It sounds like your mother has a better handle on keeping you out of it but if he tries to engage you, just remind him that you are not in this situation. I obviously don't know what all he did but $1,100 is a lot of money and if you believe he is asking for that much just because they have more money than you, he doesn't look very good. IMO, if they have helped you out in the past and not asked for repayment, he should be thrilled she gave them $300 and leave it at that. Good for you for seeing that they should have discussed a price beforehand and for not taking a side. This is a mess.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:22 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I wish I could tell you something helpful. There's been an underlying magma chamber between my husband's dad and myself for 12 years. It keeps getting closer and closer and closer. I hope it can be worked out in a way that doesn't destroy any relationships, for both of us.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 11:24 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Wow. Family is family. They are suppose to help each other out. Have you done anything for his family for little or no money to make him understand. Or explain how Karma works (do something nice for someone and you receive it as well). Just a thought. Sorry for your situation. I hope things work out soon for you!!

    jen2774161

    Answer by jen2774161 at 11:25 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I have pretty much tried to keep my nose out of it and really my husband is kind of selfish like that and I think the way he did it was kind of dirty and of course his version of the story is different than my mom's but I tend to believe her over him as he tends to tell "his" version of the story a lot and I know it is not the true version of the story very often. Sad but true. I just wonder how heated the battle may get or if it will simmer away.
    2boysnaprincess

    Comment by 2boysnaprincess (original poster) at 11:30 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I agree, let them handle it. It sounds like it will simmer away until one of them broaches the subject taking the bull by the horns.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:47 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I have been thru this but it was my moms now ex-husband doing work for us on our (my ex and my) home. It was awful, my moms husband thought that my husband would be helping, but my husband was working like 60+ hours a week becuase I was in the hospital 9 weeks early in a crisis and delivered a preemie. To make things worse we had to move things in with them. Her husband would get mad at her so my mom would get mad ar me and I would pass it to my ex who was tired from working and he would go to the house but he was a jerk and her ex was a jerk. All I did was wory and cry about my baby! I would say talk with your mom and explain you feel bad but you have no way to control him and than one last time tell your husband he is putting himself and you in odd positions Cant they meet in the middle $500?????
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 8:52 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

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