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Fighting Brothers, Please help

All right all of you mamas out there. I need some advice please. My 3 yr.old son is constantly fighting with his 20 month old brother. It can sometimes be intentional or not intentional. I feel like I am constantly putting him in time out, because he has hurt his brother again. Yet I have never seen him do it with any other child. I feel like I am yelling non stop and I am just soo tired of it. You know I love my kids, but sometimes I just really do not like them. They drive me crazy. I feel like running away from home. What do you do as parents to prevent your children from constant fighting, weather its pushing, biting, smacking or pinching. It seems like the minute Cole wakes up he is on some kind of mission to bully his little brother. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Asked by Reggie2 at 10:06 AM on Nov. 15, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (9)
  • and make sure both are equally punished. That way there is no show of's hard to do because your natural reaction is to believe that the eldest one should know better...but I've even had my oldest tell me that her sister "needs to be put in time out"'s frustrating...but please believe it's their developmental stage...they are both looking for a bit of independence...In a way it's kinda flattering that they choose to do this with you...because that means they love you enough to know you've got the boundaries set to keep them safe. Ahhh parenting...if only each one came with instructions LOL...****HUGS****

    Answer by truetigress at 2:46 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • AWWWW welcome to my world. My 14 and 10 year old have been fighting for as long as i can remember. When they were little, I would take things away that they favored like toys. As they got older, it settled down a bit. BUT over the last 2 years it has started over again. My youngest seems to be the one to instigate it more than my older one. I am to a point now, that I simply walk in my room and shut the door. I figured if they want to fight then I am no longer getting involved in it. They are old enough to know better. Now I do make sure there is no blood or broken bones. :-)
    I have told them both, you start it, face the consequence. It is more yelling at each other than actually fist.

    Answer by kscmbz at 10:28 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • They do rage a holy war on each other at least once a month. Your boys are boys and brothers. Maybe some jealousy from the oldest? Try taking a toy away and allowing him to see you put it in a box. When the next fight happens do the same thing with a new toy and the same box. He will start to get the hint.

    Answer by kscmbz at 10:29 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I am with ya, I have two boys that are two yrs apart. They used to fight non stop. I started getting down at there level and asking what the problems are. Then ask them to give you 3 suggestions to fix it (you can help them with that) and pick the one that would be best. It gives them problem solving skills that will leak to other parts of their life. I talked to at least five professionals about it and they all also said to stay out of it unless it gets physical. If you don't you will end up being a referee until they move out. Not to mention they wont have very good relationship. I would wait to stay out of it until they have the problem solving down though.


    Answer by perksmom at 10:38 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • The teaching them how to solve their issues answer is AWESOME. It takes a loooooong time and you will have to be patient. They will also probably need help figuring out solutions at first so you slowly lead them.
    I've also had success with a trick I read in one of those parenthood mag. (not to be used in every situation) but I have them SIT and HUG (not standing they knock each other over). They stay hugging for x min. and/or till I feel they are ready to let go.
    Usually they find it sooooo silly that they just start giggling and being friends.


    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 12:16 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Also it sounds as if big bro may have some jealousy issues and/or may be bullying to get your attention. Try to get him to talk about why he does it and work on different ways for him to get your attention. It may also be imp. to schedule some 1-on-1 time into his daily schedule to cuddle and read or play whatever toghether. (my son says taht 15-20 min is good) It could be when you put younger bro down for his nap then take 15-20 min quiet time with older bro b/f he also goes down for quiet time (sleeping not necc. silence is) so mom can have 30 min or more of MOM time. And yes make some of this quiet hour MOM time, not just mom catching up on the house time.
    good luck

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 12:17 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Putting them both in time out...taking things away from both...and making sure they know its not right will also help..

    spending more time with them more so...and finding out what triggers it will be best of all

    Answer by LexsiesMommy at 1:12 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Thank you all for the great suggestions. I have tried time out. But he seems to just forget about it in about 20 minutes. I mean how much time out is really too much? But maybe its also about being consistent. Thank You again, and I will try these great sugestions.

    Answer by Reggie2 at 3:43 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Hon...My eldest daughter is 4 going on baby is 20months soon to be 2 years old...each of them are in "rough stages" in their development. I've seen it first hand with them...with the new things they are dealing with growing up, they tend to attack each other. Don't think just because your youngest might be the one crying and pointing at big brother that he didn't "provoke" the situation. I've actually seen my 20 month old come up and either push her big sister or throw a toy at her...of course the battle is ON!...what you need to do as a parent is not allow the physical abuse but put them BOTH in punishment. Each of them need to know that this behavior is NOT to be does get better...I can't say it goes away...I know of two neices that still rival to this day but it's not nearly as nasty as it once was...the key is CONSISTENCY with punishment..even if the last time out was minutes ago...

    Answer by truetigress at 2:43 AM on Jan. 6, 2009