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moms and THEIR moms (kinda ranting)

Does anyone else get irritated with their mom? My mom and i have an...ok...relationship. And im still kinda upset because when i was pregnant with my son she didnt talk to me for 8 months of my pregnancy all because she didnt want me to be pregnant, my husband and i were happy it was her issue. She missed out on so much, the first sonogram, the first trip to buy clothes, the first kick, giving me advice on my morning noon and night sickness and all those other little things.For 8 months i begged her to talk to me and to get involved. At 8 months i gave her an ultimatitum, i told her she gets involved now or she will not see her grandson at all because i didnt want my son hearing from his grandmother that he wasnt wanted (which isnt true, just on her end). In the end she said yes and started getting involved and she sees her grandson once in a while (she doesnt like kids in general and my son is no exception apparently). I went over to her house so she could see him and we were talking and i mentioned a future baby (not right now but not 2 yrs either) and she was so appalled by this and pretty much told me i shouldnt have anymore and she wouldnt talk to me! Sigh, i know its really my business not hers. But there are women out there who unfortunately lost their mothers at a young age and didnt get to experience that due to being forced. I have a mother and she just doesnt want to be involved in general (she wasnt there for me for my wedding either). Im an adult, its not like im 15, im a grown woman who has an education and who can provide for her child. The doctor says my son is healthy and happy and thriving and im doing a great job. So i know i cant be THAT bad? Im sorry this really was more of a rant then a question. But as a mother, its always nice to have your own moms support. So much for that!

Answer Question
 
Bobbysgurl

Asked by Bobbysgurl at 2:58 PM on Jan. 31, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,657 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Cherish every moment you have with her good and bad. Not all of us are so lucky to have our mothers here with us.
    zebbiebug

    Answer by zebbiebug at 2:59 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I lost my daughter last year. She was 27 and her LO lives with us. I wish I could tell her how important all of these moments are.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:02 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I am sorry to hear of your loss tootoobusy.
    zebbiebug

    Answer by zebbiebug at 3:05 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • tootoobusy, i am so very sorry for your loss. I commend you on your strength with raising her LO and you have my support. I told my husband that no matter what, come hell or high water i will be there for my son. Its sad, She asked me what i wanted for my birthday and i said a lunch date just her and i, or to go out at night somewhere together to shoot some pool and have a drink or two, i got a 20 dollar bill in the mail and nothing else. I dont care about money, i have money...its her i dont have and i guess it eats at me. I will do anything so my son and i can have a better relationship
    Bobbysgurl

    Comment by Bobbysgurl (original poster) at 3:07 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • i agree you should cherish every moment you have with you mother...
    jrsmommy17

    Answer by jrsmommy17 at 3:08 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • its so funny that you all keep saying that because why? I was kinda hoping for alittle support instead im getting this finger pointing. I said i was irritated and hurt, i didnt say that i didnt love her and didnt cherish her. I wonder if you listened at all in my quest for time with her and her denial? Or her not wanting to be there for my wedding or my first child no matter how i begged.
    Bobbysgurl

    Comment by Bobbysgurl (original poster) at 3:12 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • tootoobusy waas the only one who actually said anything supportive
    Bobbysgurl

    Comment by Bobbysgurl (original poster) at 3:13 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I've known a few women like her. Still do. My SO's mother is like that, only worse, believe it or not. Of four children, she only wants to socialize with one son, forget the rest. They are in their 50's and 60's. It still hurts them. They want acceptance, which she won't give. She divorced their dad 50 years ago, but punish them because they wanted to spend time with him (as YOUNG children). I would suggest looking into a support group. Maybe you have an older lady friend that wouldn't mind being adopted into your family as grandma?
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 3:18 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I get it. Sometimes we want our moms to either be our moms and give us advice or just be active in our lives. My mom is in my life, but mostly to her benefit. She will ask me what I want for my birthday and then she'll say "no you don't want/need that" and that's about it. She isn't there much for her grandkids either, especially now that they are older and have their own opinions on things (6, 11 & turning 13 in 2 weeks)

    I wish I had some really good advice, but i don't. I've been reciting part of a prayer at night as I fall asleep that is basically: I forgive anyone who has angered or annoyed me today. The letting go part has helped me let my mom's antics roll off my back more. In the end, it is her loss. I have a great life, awesome kids and a wonderful DH. She could have us too, but won't let herself. I cannot control that - only how I react. Then I repeat my new mantra.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 3:23 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • thanks kim for your support, i think two gmas for my son are enough, i can barely handle my mom as gma and the other we rarely see due to location. I am sorry that your SO and his siblings have to go through that. Its like you see this kinda stuff and it makes you look at your own relationship with your children to make sure nothing like that is happening or going to happen
    Bobbysgurl

    Comment by Bobbysgurl (original poster) at 3:24 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

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