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How do you...

talk to your hubby when you have a problem in ur relationship??? I usually get really upset and yell and accuse which i knw is not rite but...he makes me so so mad becuz he wnt listen to me or react. he usually gives me yes and no answers. He needs to mature a little bit, but i dnt want my kids to have to go threw a seperation ya know?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • We sit down on the couch...and just talk.That is how we handle any issues in our relationship,family concerns,etc.
    ImKristen

    Answer by ImKristen at 3:17 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • but he doesnt seem like he wants to talk he says we have no problems but we do!!!! He is just so stuck in his ways he doesnt see them.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • How frustrating... Unfortunately he'll see the problems when it's too late and you're out the door.
    Have you tried discussing issues in a non-threatening manner, such as e-mail or texting? How about a good old fashioned letter that he can read and digest. After he reads it you can ask him to give you his thoughts about it.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 3:20 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I have a bad habit of ignoring the situation so he is the one to confront me about it and then we try and talk it out. I am not very quick in though when it comes to respond to the problem he throws at me So he does all the talking. He likes to be right but he says it is because he want to solve the problem but we end up dropping it because it seems unsolvable. We both come to an understanding that it is just something that we will have to learn to deal with.
    1911

    Answer by 1911 at 3:21 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • ask him to sit. no tv, no other distractions. tell him if something is bothering you, then there IS a problem. get your point accross and dont accuse him and if you do, dont yell. ask him to listen and not interrupt and then let him talk and listen in return. it may take some work but it's worth it
    Mrs.L.Mita

    Answer by Mrs.L.Mita at 3:22 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • i start with "I messages -" like "i feel so sad whenyou........ because to me it seems like..... and then i am not accusing him of anything just talking about how i feel. sometimes works... othertimes i just yell at him.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:23 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Yelling is like nailing jello to a tree. Amalia said it best. Don't accuse, just tell him how you feel. You are frustrated, hurt, then angry when he doesn't answer you. Let him know you both have issues. Growing up and growing old together isn't easy, you both have to work at it. Maybe you should ask if he wants the realtionship to work. Remind him it takes two to make a relationship. If he doesn't want to try, best to find out now, rather than after you've wasted 28 years like I did. But TALK, not yell. If you get angry, it's cause you think you're losing control of the situation. Take a time-out. Walk around the block, try to look at the situation like an outsider would. What would the outsider see and say?
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 3:51 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • My thoughts based solely on what you have shared.

    It seems, that BOTH of you have poor communication skills.Being able to affectively communicate with our partners is far more than just telling someone how we feel. We must be able to communicate our feelings, why we feel that way, what is causing those feelings, and what would help to change/eliviate those feelings in a manner in which our partners *comprehend & understand* and We must be able to listen to are partner honestly, openly, in return.It sounds like neither of you can do that very well.You can't communicate without becoming angry and lashing out. He just sits and gives one word answers or non at all Both are signs of lack of ability to communicate with one another.

    The only way anything will change, problem/issues can be addressed (much less rectified) is by the 2 of you taking the time, putting in the effort to learn how to communicate affectively with each other
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:22 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • In the beginning I used to yell, stomp and call names. My dh would just ignore me, and we rarely resolved anything. As I've gotten older I have learned to approach him calmly, and never with an accusing tone. I also say things like "I feel" instead of You make me... (Learned this from Dr Phil lol). It has improved things greatly, but he's still as stubborn as a mule at times lol.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:17 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

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