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12 Bumps

I overheard my 17 year old son and his 16 year old girlfriend.

I came home yesterday around 4, though I usually don't get home till at least 5. My son's car was in the driveway, as I expected, so I thought everything was fine. I went into the kitchen to start dinner and went upstairs to let him know that I was home and we would be having dinner early. I was about to knock when I heard sex sounds. I just went downstairs, cause I figured they are already doing it, no point in embarassing the poor girl. So they came downstairs for him to take her home and he noticed my car in the driveway, and went into the kitchen, I was there, he tried to figure out what I knew and I acted like I didn't even know she was there. I went upstairs to his room praying there was a condom wrapper in the trash, there wasn't. When he came home, I told him we need to talk, then he knew I knew. I told him that I knew what was going on and asked if he used a condom. He said no but that they have never had sex with anyone but each other (they have been together 2 years, and I believe that 100%) and she is on the pill. He said they have tried them but they don't like them and he said they don't want to use them because of that. I asked him why he agreed not to he said because he loves her and wants to make her happy. I just don't know what to do, I guess I would rather them do it at my house then in his car and end up getting robbed or arrested. I trust that this girl isn't trying to trick my son into getting her pregnant, besides he said they started having sex a year ago and only used condoms for about a month so if that is what she was trying to do, she would be pregnant by now. My questions are 1. do I tell him not to have sex in my house 2. do I tell her parents (he said they don't know and that she got the bc pills on her own)? 3 would it be wrong for me to make a deal with him and say they can do it in my house if he wears a condom? I know I can't stop them, I figured they were doing it about about a year ago I put a box of condoms in his laundry basket with a note that said "if you are gonna have sex please use these. His dad is not around. I had the sex talk with him and he knows to respect women. I love my son and his girlfriend, I just don't want them to have a baby before they are ready. I told him that using a condom doesn't mean he doesn't love her or doesn't trust her, it just means that he wants to protect her from getting pregnant before they are ready.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (80)
  • If if you "know" they will do it anyway, allowing it in your house is granting your permission. And what about the mom of the girl? She probably assumes if you are home they are not "doing it", not that you are allowing it. I would have #1 walked in on them #2 givin a long speech about how he disrespected me and the rules of the house and that he will now be grounded or punished in someway. You are still the mom of a minor.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 3:55 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • It is your house and your rules, and obviously your rules told him it is ok to have sex there. I personally think it is disrespectful to use your parents house for sex, but then again like you said it is better to do it there than have them arrested or worse in the car. You can't stop them, all you can do is advice and keep advising, and hope for a good outcome.

    older

    Answer by older at 3:57 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I wouldn't let them have sex in my house I think that is very disrespectful. Birth controls are not 100% effective. I think they both need to be educated more in the sex and contaceptive part. Condoms is a MUST he is not with her 24/7 he don't know what she is doing. GL!
    nicjon

    Answer by nicjon at 3:58 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Her mom knows I work till about 5 so IF she knows they are at my house, she can't expect me to be home, I just came home early yesterday. The only reason I am questioning telling her mom is because she got the pills on her own, if the medial professionals don't have to tell her mom, I don't think I should have to. I don't really have a problem with my son having sex, not that he would stop if I did, I just want them to be careful until they are old enough to have a baby.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:59 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Maybe you should start looking for baby supplies. After all, they are going to do it anyway. Might as well be prepared on your part.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • The girl's parents should be brought into know on this. Depending on what state you live in, their age difference could make this a felony.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 4:00 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I am 20 so I have been 17 recently and your about the coolest mom Ive ever heard from...haha but you should probably talk to the both of them about using condoms Im engaged I have two sons, my fiance and I use condoms, BC and spermicide. I know what its like to have a child at a young age and its NOT A GOOD THING AT ALL! But maybe telling them that condoms arent a bad thing or have them learn about spermicide or anything there are MILLIONS of contraceptives out there you can learn and then throw a few at them for ideas! I hope I helped. _Karie
    HypoHeartBaby

    Answer by HypoHeartBaby at 4:00 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • This makes me very sad for you and for your son. I would not allow this to take place in my house. The thing is I don't know how you are going to stop it from happening, because you aren't there, and he knows you aren't going to be there. I would most likely call her parents and tell them what is going on. Maybe they can control their daughter and keep her from coming to your house when you are not home. I never took the tack with my children that they were going to do it. They knew they were expected to save themselves until after they were married, and they did just that. At the ages these children are, they need to be thinking about getting an education and making plans to support themselves in the future. They really aren't old enough to even date, much less to be having sex. Dating is for the sole purpose of selecting a marital partner for life. EVERY YOUNG MAN'S BATTLE is a book that you and your son should read.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:01 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I don't have a teenager yet so I can't say how I would react in your situation but, it wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager. I do agree with you assisting in the safe sex thing because like you said, they are going to do it. If they've been at it for a year now, there's no changing their minds now. And without support from sex ex or something, they would do it unprotected. However, sometimes she might forget a pill (i've done it) or if their relationship starts to fail (as they usually do at that age b/c teenagers change) she may get desperate to keep him around. For this I would suggest he experiment, there's gonna be a condom out there that works for him. Better than a baby would anyway. If he has friends that have already screwed up and have a kid (there's a lot these days) or if you have a family member with a new baby, see if you can babysit and make sure he's there. Teach him how much work a baby is. Her too.
    huntin_mama

    Answer by huntin_mama at 4:02 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • First of all, I LOVE that you seem so understanding, and you're okay with them having sex, and you'd rather them do it there. That's really admirable in a parent!
    Second, I don't blame them for not liking condoms. I've always hated them.
    Third, I honestly think it's fine that they don't use them if she's on the pill - the thing is, how can you be sure she's taking it "properly"? Every day, on time, things like that. I think that's what I would worry about most. The pill is super reliable, as long as you're taking it right, but aside from her word, there's no way for you to know for sure if she is. I guess just suggest to your son that they keep trying condoms... try all different kinds until they find ones they'll use!
    Again, I think it's great that you trust your son that much - I think it's the kids with parents the opposite of you that end up being young parents themselves.
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 4:02 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

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