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Communication Problems

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm having a hard time with my SO's mother. She is always holding the baby and won't really let us do anything. Every time I try and talk to my SO about it or how it bothers me he says I'm being over protective of her. There also trying to convince me to move in with him. So that way he can be there to help more. But he still lives at home to and I told him I didn't wan to live with his parents and he asked why and I said because his mom doesn't really let us be parents and he said I guess. Which is true every time I try do something whether it be a diaper change or feed her his mom is right there taking her away from me or him. Especially when its time to put her to sleep, his mom will take her and do it. The first time I stayed he said he was going to take care of her. So I went to his room to lay down and try and rest and then he came in there a few minutes after and his mom had her for most of the time. My mom isn't even that bad. The only time she really takes the baby is if I can't get her calm or so I can make her bottle or so I can shower. *sigh* I just don't know =( I don't want to keep it all bottled up and end up exploding on him or taking it out on my daughter but he is like a momma's boy. He gives her everything she wants on a silver platter. It upsets me because he is about to be 29 and still acting like that. So how do I talk to him about this without upsetting him?

Also this is both our parents first grandchild. So I can understand there excited and want to help since we are new parents. But how are we suppose to learn if she keeps butting in? I mean before I pull up their house she is already out the door trying to get the baby. I was surprised she let me dress my daughter the other day after she gave her a bath or even feed her but after I fed her, she fell asleep and his mom wanted to take her away from em and put her in her crib. And she is constantly wanting to hold her. My daughter is only 19 days old and I don't want her to get in the habit where she has to be held all the time, but it doesn't seem to be working because whenever I do have the baby in her crib or swing and she makes the slightest noise his mom is right there picking her up and then holding her for hours. I personally talked to her about that so now what she does it put a pillow on her lap and still keeps the baby by her.

I guess it makes me irritated because once we finally told his parents I was pregnant she wanted a paternity test to see if it was really his and now she doesn't and wants to all kinds of things for our daughter.

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new_mommie_2b

Asked by new_mommie_2b at 5:39 PM on Jan. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (218 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • You need to tell her directly and not go through her son. He will feel caught between the two of you and that will not be good. He doesn't seem to have an issue with her interference, and you do, so it is up to you to bring it to her attention.
    ElenaC419

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 5:42 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • With In-Laws like that, I wouldn't live my baby there more than one hour per week !
    "HI, BYE !!!"

    She's a controlling mother, and your SO doesn't seem to react YET. I've seen couples like you, and the ones that made it and are now truly happy are the ones where the man finally kept his mom away.
    I'd speak with a professional at the nursery, or a child doctor: I'm sure they will tell you to STICK TO YOUR MOTHERHOOD, AND DON'T GIVE IT UP.

    Some day when his mom will become toooooo overbearing, your man will realize his lack of action has ruined your love.
    The issue is, how long can you wait? How tactful + diplomatic can you be with his mom? How can you be sure you'll still love him, if he doesn't support YOUR RIGHT TO BE A MOM ???
    lillyblue111

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 5:50 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • IMHO I think you should sit down with his mom, and talk to her like an adult, tell her, I understand that you are ecstatic about being a grandma, but you have to give me room to be a mother and your son a father. I appreciate the help, I really do, but I would like to get the opportunity to be a good mom and I can't do that if you are jumping in every time something needs to be done. My child needs to realize that I'm her mother not you.

    Let her know you do appreciate it, I had to explode on my MIL for getting in my way as a mom, and you know what I am over protective, but that is my right as that child"s mother, as it is yours. I wouldn't move in with him, I think you are just asking for trouble. Guys don't usually leave their moms until a stronger woman comes around who mothers them the way their moms do. Good Luck hun.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 5:50 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Thanks ladies. I will try and be brave and get some courage to alk to him mom!
    new_mommie_2b

    Comment by new_mommie_2b (original poster) at 6:06 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

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