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Custody Question

This came up with a mother I know locally recently.

She and her husband are splitting up. He is an excellent father, and wants joint custody of the kids. She has even said he is a wonderful father. However, she is fighting him on the joint custody issue.

So, the question is, how is it fair for a mother to fight joint custody when even she has admitted that the father is wonderful to his children. There are no safety concerns or emotional concerns.

She would receive child support either way due to the difference in their incomes. It will just be less if he has the children 50% of the time.

If it's argued that the children are half the fathers when a mother is trying to get child support, then why isn't it argued that they are half the father's when the father wants joint custody?


Asked by other_mother at 6:03 PM on Jan. 31, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 18 (4,957 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • O.P> I can tell you this. My BFF just got divorced. She and her husband couldn't even be in the same room without arguing BUT..they are both terrific parents. They are just lousy together. The judge ordered for the next 5 yrs the house can't be sold. The kids (4 of them) stay at their house in their rooms. Mom lives there 3 months, then Dad lives there 3 months. They see the other parent all the time. They didn't have to change schools. These kids are blooming compared to before the divorce when they lived among such stress. I can't imagine any of these 4 giving up Mom or Dad to an EOW basis. I wish more parents would think about the kids when arranging things in a divorce.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:29 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • He should be able to get joint custody..she can try and fight him although that doesn't mean that she will win. I believe unless she can prove there is a valid reason for sole custody I don't think she will get it.


    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:07 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • My daughter's father and I are going through a custody battle. The reason we divorced in first place is because he was abuse to her. Since then he is better about it. However, his GF of 3 years is CRAZY she tells everyone that she has cervical and ovarian cancer and is going through chemo and drives herself to and from and takes care of her tot after. And doesnt have a port because she opted out and still has all her hair b/c it's a new treatment but she's on medicaid. BULLSHIT!!! I moved across the country a year ago to help my parents business out and decided the community here is WAY better than where I was. Now there is minimal crime and smaller classes in school. Where I was people got robbed and murdered and raped every day. Way better to raise kids here. He is fighting for custody. I have offered him as much time as possible but he wont accept. So I have flown back to VA 3 times for this and hopefully last time in March

    Answer by huntin_mama at 7:08 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Would you give your child up for 6 months out of the year? I have been in that position before and although he is an excellent father, it's usually the mother who has nurtured the child. It's like giving up a part of your feel like you've just handed your heart away. It's hard to explain it if you haven't been in the situation. Right or wrong, I haven't known any mother not to fight for her children. (All in MO)

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 6:08 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • It is in the best interest of the child if they can come to a decision together, I can see both sides, but it doesn't make it any easier on either one of them.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 6:10 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • its sad no matter where you lie the lay favers the mother i'm rasing my step kids as there mum neglected starved and beat them and you would not belive how hard it is for a good father to get custody of any kind let alone shut the mother out kids llife ven if there a bad mother . its not fare and its not right but it is the way it is

    Answer by feralkitten at 6:10 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • More and more courts are granting full joint custody unless one spouse can prove the other is unfit or the children are at risk with the other parent. The three families I know with full joint custody..there is NO child support order. They are each 50% responsible for all medical & dental expenses and when they have the kids..all food and clothes come out of their pocket.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:12 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • well it all depends on the situation an the judge! yes they used to favor the mother etc. but now they look at the situation an try to decifer both parts! They look at the age of the children mostly an where they are more feesable to grow an nurtuer the children. But either way both parents are gonna still be part of the children lives wether one parent likes it or not!! Now i am not saying i know all bout this, I am saying from my experience now! But how ever make sure both sides are heard cause i had a terrible lawyer whom didnt know much bout domestic abuse an my side never got heard period!
    So thats y my ex got the kids but we have joint..

    Answer by heiditr at 6:19 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Joint custody has nothing to do with visitation. Joint custody just means that they have equal say as parents, and yes, he should get that. However 50/50 time sharing is prob what you are talking about. I think that it is usually best for the child to live with one parent and visit the other like EOW. It is just more stable for the children. You just can't compare mothers and fathers, the mother carried the child for 9 months and then gave birth.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 6:32 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • JLS2388 - I disagree that you cannot compare mothers and fathers.

    Would you tell your dh/so that he isn't comparable to you when it comes to your children and parenting?

    I feel each parent plays a vital role in the child's life. And EOW can be just as unstable if parents are fighting about it.

    Comment by other_mother (original poster) at 6:35 PM on Jan. 31, 2011