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Not fair...

My husband goes out about every other night with his buddies, and drinks...sometimes not coming home until 2 or 3 in the morning. He even went out the night we brought our 2 month old home from the hospital. I NEVER go out, but decided to go have a few drinks with a girlfriend last night...I was gone for an hour and a half...but I am being treated like I was gone for days and had an affair....Why is it ok for him, but not for me...I think its BS

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MaMa2_DJ_IJ

Asked by MaMa2_DJ_IJ at 1:08 PM on Nov. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • it is BS and I have found that men who do these things are up to NO good (if you know what I mean). I would watch him. Not too many grown men are that interested in their friends to hang out with them several times a week. And the accusations indicate a guilty mind. It has been proven time and time again. be careful and really watch him!! As far as going out...do it. Then don't let him make you feel guilty about it. Eventually, he may get sick of the taste of his own medicine.
    MammaMia72

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 1:10 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Its not ok for him and yes its BS! He is a husband and a father and his partying days are over. Its time to step up or get out. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. He needs to hear it. Suggest havign a sitter over so that you two can go out together. You should do that anyway right now to try to work this out GL My bf is similar to ur dh so I understand, Msg me if you need to talk :)
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 1:11 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • And like MammaMia said you have to watch. If hes going out that often and harassing you for going out for an hour then he may have a guilty consience. But I wouldnt do it right back just for spite. You two are adults and married with kids. Talk about it and get things straight or talk about a seperation. Its not fair that you do all the work so that he can spend time with his friends. Hes not a teen anymore and needs to act like a father and a husband
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 1:14 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • And dont get down to is level if your mad. It will only cause bigger prob and you dont need that as parents
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 1:15 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • My husband pulled this crap on me too. He even stayed out all night once or twice. I made it clear to him that I was not putting up with it anymore and if he kept up, I was leaving. I let him know I would rather be all alone and single than alone and married. I even told him when he came home the next morning, to pack because he ws leaving. We talked and told him a huge change had to be made. He did and things have been going good on that front. Once he realized I was serious he made a change. That maybe what it takes for your hubby.
    evilabbysmom

    Answer by evilabbysmom at 1:17 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • This is gonna sound harsh, but get yourself checked. If you come up with an std and you know YOU haven't been sleeping around, you know he has. You will have evidence at that point.

    It happened to me, but I was too blind to see the truth. I came up with clamydia (SP?) after I had my youngest. I'd only slept with one man outside of marriage the previous year when we were separated, but the only one instance it happened was condom protected and shouldn't have passed any diseases. I'm no longer married to that man, but it took several years after that to get to that point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I wish putting my foot down like you ladies worked for me b/c it hasnt. I have kicked him to the curb a couple of times and after a couple of months it's starts again. The only thing is he doesnt go out drinking, it's fishing swimming, out to the dunes etc. I wouldnt have a prob if he could just BE HERE when he is here. It doesnt engage in the family at all unless I TOTALLY freak on him. Then does it for a day or two and stops. We are not going to make it much longer cause I cant deal with being a door mat much longer
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I know...I have tried to kick him out...but I guess I am not strong enough because I always let him come back...and I never thought that he was cheating on me until now..a few of you have me worried.
    MaMa2_DJ_IJ

    Answer by MaMa2_DJ_IJ at 1:44 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Men tend to judge women by themselves. If he is treating you like you had an affair or something then he is doing something that he shouldn't be doing when he goes out with "his buddies". My guess is HE is the one who is cheating! Have a friend or family member follow him. Preferably a trusted female, as men tend to stick up for each other. Also get a female who doesn't like him! lol
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 1:57 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • That's a load of crap. Before we had my son and when we lived in New York my DH would go out with his buddies one or two nights per week. If I stayed home it was my choice; he didn't care if I went out. Since our son was born and since we moved to New Jersey he never goes out. I'm not saying that I want him to always stay home but I think it's good for the guys to get together with the guys once in a while (it's good for us too)! As for you, you need to be able to blow off some steam too; it is perfectly acceptable for you to go out once in a while with the girls; he sounds very controlling of where you go. Don't let him do that to you.
    Jerseymom1228

    Answer by Jerseymom1228 at 4:56 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

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