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2 Bumps

Is there a way to conquer this fear? (Maybe venting too)

First off, I'm not a very social person. More socially awkward, but I've seen some worst than me. If anyone's followed any of my IRL questions...they'd know hubby and I've been having our issues.

Today's question... is there a way to conquer this fear?!? Going to a party...my usual reaction is...don't go, avoid conflict...avoid POSSIBLE conflict...walk away and avoid it and hope it goes away. Well, SHE is going to be there. When I say "she"...the goal of what hubby thought would help him find happiness. We share the same friends and though his job put a restraining order on their social interactions...this is a party for a mutual friend.

Hubby says he's moving on...or moved on. We are working on us and he's saying he's determined to really try to get us to work out and be happy again. (Thanks to the fellow CMer that suggested the 5 Love Languages book). He said he's not going to be phased by her being in the same room with the same group of friends. I, however, am freaking out. Too many what ifs. What if he sees her and decides to stop holding my hand...keeps his distance from me to give her signs that he's out of our marriage. What if she decides to flaunt her "goodies" in his general direction. What if I behave like a child and embarrass myself to kingdom come because I'm NOT ready to face her.

I get the "you don't know until you try" feeling so I'm going to suck it up and go to the party...for the mutual friend...BUT... I'm scared and I don't know how to face this. I'm told...head on is how to face it. Tackle it, avoid her and hold your head high. Be people. I don't NEED to cling to hubby, but I want to show he's mine again...to be proud that through the trials...he chose to work things out. It's just fears and what ifs. Worried about what could happen. I don't want to ruin the event because I honestly don't know how my social awkwardness is going to be...but hubby really wants to go and I'm not about to let him go ALONE to a party where she'll be.

Any ideas on how to conquer this fear? These butterflies in my gut? I'm sure it could all be in my head, but at the same time...I don't think I can face HER for what she did. (Yes, as much as hubby was the one that was looking, she knew he had a family and continued to pull him closer to her...she admitted to liking the power he gave her.) I'm just asking for help on how to handle this situation...if it's over and done with....IF it is...how can I still have a good time without the worries in my head.

TIA.

Answer Question
 
Imortlmommy

Asked by Imortlmommy at 1:43 AM on Feb. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,592 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • i will give u bump because there is no way i can help in this situation..all i can say is that i have had to be around so's exes and stuff but if i would se her flirting or him flirting i would blow my lid so imma just give u a bump
    suhweetness

    Answer by suhweetness at 1:49 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Talk to you husband and let him know how you are feeling. Tell him you are worried about seeing her but also you want to get this encounter over with because it will probably make it easier in the future if you can get this first one through with. Tell him you guys together need to show a strong front, stay together at the party, hold hands stuff like that. Like you said in your post, he choose YOU! Be proud of that!! And just pretend like she isn't there. Don't start anything and if she tries, excuse yourself (both you and your husband) and move on. It doesn't need to be made a big thing between you three. Talk to him, that sounds like the most important part!
    ILoveCade

    Answer by ILoveCade at 2:02 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • IMHO It takes two to tango no matter how you look at the situation, you can't forgive your hubby and not at least move on from her, whether she knew he had a family or not, your husband was just as much to blame. Go to the party without the intent to flaunt that you have him and she doesn't, because that is just down right childish. You know you have him, you have apparently decided to forgive him and move on, so do just that, go to the party, chat with friends, eat, drink, and be merry, and if she looks in your general direction just smile or ignore her, you are there with him, he is leaving with you. I would also have a chat with my hubby, let him know that you are feeling a lot of anxiety, and that you need him to support you, that this is a stepping stone in your relationship. Good Luck!
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 6:21 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

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