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How do I teach my daughter to stop lying and being sneaky??

My daughter who will be 10 this month, has really been lying lately. She has also been getting into things she knows is wrong. I think she is doing it for attention, but she gets my attention daily when I'm not at work. He dad and I have been divorced a year now. She seems to have adapted on the most part. She is mommy's girl for sure.
I just don't know how to get her to realize what she is doing is wrong. Its not just once a week, its almost daily now. Any suggestions on how to nip this would be greatly appreciated.

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Asked by emmie416 at 9:21 AM on Feb. 1, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • My son does the same sort of things but his is about my and his dads divorce. He lives with his dad at the moment and I have noticed some lying and basically it is about really dumb things. I might ask him "Do you need some new shoes", and he will say no my dad got me new ones, only to find out that was a lie. Divorce can affect kids in weird ways. I would sit down and explain to her like I did my son that lying to you hurts your feelings because it is keeping things from you. Explain no matter what she does or anything else you will love her more for telling the truth even if she thinks itll hurt your feelings or get her in trouble. I tell mine all the time telling me the truth is always better then a lie because when I know you lie punishment is worse and it hurts me to punish you for something that could have been avoided.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:25 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My DD went through the same thing; girls that age seem to go through that phase. I started questioning everything she told me. I made her get notes from her teacher if she was asked to bring something in. If she went to friend's house, I called the other child's parents. She finally realized that she needed to be honest with me or I wasn't going to trust her about anything. It worked - it too about 6 months - but it worked.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:28 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I think you can reward good behavior and punish her when you catch her lying or doing something wrong. My mom used to make us do extra work when we were in trouble. She made us clean the baseboards, wax all the leaves on the house plants, clean the bathroom. You may need to make a chart and when she gets 7 marks for good days she can cash them in for an outing with you or maybe with a friend. Maybe cash them in to go to a movie, or ice skating or to her fav. store for a new shirt.

    Answer by ria7 at 9:29 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • The simple answer to this, that may or may not be as easy to enforce is...don't accept the sneaky behavior. You have got to tell her it's not acceptable and that there will be consequences. If you have to scare her straight that may be something you have to do, to ensure her it's not ok to do that. She's not going to be able to do that and succeed in life.

    Answer by TeenerBeener75 at 9:36 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I caught my oldest son lying last week. I spanked him, and took away tv, video game and computer privileges for the rest of the week.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I would share with her some stories of you, family member or a friend experienced through lying & how it screwed things up. Let her know that it always bites people in the butt & when people find out about the lies, they lose respect for you. Let her know that if she wants people to like her & trust her, that has has to be honest. And let her know that if she isn't honest, she'll have rights taken away because you don't want to have a relationship with her in which there is no trust. Tell her you want to trust her, but you cant if she lies.

    I would also contact the teacher, maybe start emailing her about things she may be lying about that are school related. Keep close contact with her friend's parents & always be one step ahead of her. If you're not sure how truthful she is being about something, investigate it. If out find she is lying, she needs to be disciplined, take rights away. That always works well.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:45 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • You have to discipline her severely for lying. At the same time, you have to look past the behavior to discover the "why" ot it. The reasons for it could be many, but if you will listen carefully to what she says, you will very likely be able to discover it. I would also look at her immediate and extended families. Is there anyone in the group that is a practicing liar? It may not be someone who makes up stories that aren't true. It may just be someone who says they will do things and then doesn't do them. That's lying too! It could be that she lies to make up for some void that she feels in her life and she may not even be able to tell you what it is. Just remember that you can't let her get away with bad behavior no matter what may be behind, but you owe it to her to try to discover the root of it and to help her get rid of it before it's too late.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:50 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • A good relationship with her and letting her know that she can tell you anything will help- if she fears being in trouble for things she will be sneaky and lie obviously. Especially as she gets older this should help

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:09 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My son does this and we do the reward thing. I get daily updates from his teachers and if he has a good week at home and a good week at school he gets rewarded. If it doesn't go well, his bike gets disabled, he isn't allowed to go to friends' houses, etc. It's a long process, but with good results.

    Answer by derosia_mama at 11:47 AM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Thank you all for the advice. I will try all of them right now. My daugther and I have a close relationship and do many things together. I have taken things away and have tried talking to her. I will keep doing all of it until I see results. Hopefully she will see the light soon. I so hate grounding her. Thank you all again!!!

    Comment by emmie416 (original poster) at 1:16 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

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