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7 Bumps

If you were physically abused by your SO, how did the abuse start?

There is a question in the relationship section right now about a woman who's husband is verbally abusive, and now has started throwing beer cans at her head.
She keeps hoping he will change.

Please tell your story about how your SO changed.

Answer Question
 
SleepingBeautee

Asked by SleepingBeautee at 2:21 PM on Feb. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 45 (192,101 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Mine changed for hte worse. He pulled me out of his car by my hair in an ally in Seattle, a few weeks after I moved across the country to join him. He threw things at me, pushed me, threw me around, degraded me. It was when he was drunk at first. Then he was chaptered out of the army for Failure To Rehabilitate under Domestic Abuse....he had repeated problems with it. I knew him from growing up, and of course thought, oh he won't treat me like his first wife. STUPID ME. So we came back home and it got worse. He acted the same sober or drunk or high. Then I began being just as aggressive back. Not a good situation. He was in jail 2x due to dometic violence and 3 DUIs. GET OUT AND STAY AWAY. Read Co-Denpendant NO More too ....
    2BlondeBabies

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 2:24 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My husband and I were BOTH physically and verbally abusive to each other.  We both stuck it out, made little changes over time that helped.  I would certainly NOT recommend doing that.  We did it, it worked.  Now we have a great relationship and never argue or fight period.  This is hardly EVER the case which is also why I didn't say this on her post, lol.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 2:25 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My EX dh didnt change for anything but the worst. He started as being emotionally and mentally abusive. He was verbally abusive of course, but that is considered the above as well. Over time he just got worse and worse and hit me. After awhile of making excuses and thinking he might change I made an escape plan and left. I told him I was going to do laundry and never went back. I took the kids with me. They deserved a much better life then to live with an abuser or to see thier mom abused. Unfortunately many times men do not change, they only get worse. I havent met anyone where the guys actually changed. When they do, it usually takes them hitting rock bottom to do it.
    My 2nd EX dh was also abusive, but mentally mostly. Again left him for MANY reasons, but he never changed either. I am finally with a NORMAL healthy man and havent had any issues.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:26 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • BTW, He has done the same exact things to his last 2 girlfriends....he has a child to each of them. The first baby's mother was smart enough to end it and press charges. The new baby's momma, not as smart....as after he trashed her home and the cops were involved, while she was 8 months pregnant, she had the baby a month ago. And he resides there still.
    2BlondeBabies

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 2:26 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Ha! My STBXH has not changed. He still believes he did nothing wrong, that throwing me up against the wall and choking me was not abuse. He does not see that he IS verbally and emotionally abusive either. I don't think he will ever be man enough to face the kind of person he is. My Dad was verbally abusive when I was growing up and he definantly left some emotional scars but he was man enough to admit his faults and get help. Were things always great no but he did his damnest to be a better person and he made sure we knew as adults that he loved us all and did what he could to make up for his mistakes.
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 2:42 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I had a ex like this it started with controlling if you love me you will, and then it got to where if i threatened to walk he threatened my family so i stayed. then it got physical , hitting , he held a knife to me , beat me after he thought i was pregnant because he was going to military and did not want anything holding him back. i got tired of it and fled. I looked over my shoulder all the time. He started harrassing me after i got married and i filed a restraining order. had a tape with him admitting the abuse i endured as a cop had told me to do i got the restraining order and he lost his new girlfriend that day to. now he has been married 4 times and has abused his kids to and the military and all are involved. I am glad i got out. And his current wife is trying to get out to.
    WildCat73

    Answer by WildCat73 at 2:46 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Abusers DON'T change...if it appears as such, its temporary. My abuse began as verbal/emotional...then escalated to pushing/grabbing...then flash forward to me leaving/going back over and over until he tried to kill me and I testified in court- now he's in jail. That's the absolute least I can say.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 3:11 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • it will change all right, by getting worse, if she is even half bright she will get out
    firelites

    Answer by firelites at 3:20 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I went through something simlar as the avove ladies but i got out befor it was too late. I got an e mail one day from a friend they had no clue what going on of course, they were just forwarding an email, but it may have saved my life, inside this e mail was a poem writen by Paulette Kelly, and it really hit me hard, so I left and never went back, he has since been i jal several times for doing the things to someone else. That was a gratifying experience, because then I had proof that it wasnt my fault, as crazy as that sounds there is a small part of you that thinks it's your fault, no matter what your heart may say. Here is that poem.

    I got flowers today.

    I got flowers today.
    It wasn’t my birthday
    or any special day.
    We had our first argument last night,
    and he said a lot of cruel things
    that really hurt me.
    I know he is sorry
    and didn’t mean the things he said
    because he sent me flowers today.
    dorsey3

    Answer by dorsey3 at 3:36 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Ok it didnt post all of it here is a link to it I hope it helps
    http://www.tasgreetings.com/flowers.htm
    dorsey3

    Answer by dorsey3 at 3:38 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

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