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How do I help a girlfriend who's husband has left her...... She has no job, no money, and no means to provide for her children without him. She can't even afford an attorney to defend herself against his trying to take her kids.

Her family can't help her financially. He won't pay the mortgage and has told her to sell the house...in this market. She is an emotional wreck and is supposed to take care of her kids, sell her house, move somewhere without income for rent and find a job. He himself has no money (he has a job), but has a mother that has unlimited funds and willing to support him. Thank-you for all the responses...i am not sure how to reply without editing my question. We have already been to Social Services and she has received aid for food. We have contacted the mortgage company which told her until she was late there was nothing they could do. The car company will allow her to skip 1 payment. Resumes are out... I don't know how else to be there for her with so many financial and logistical concerns. And yes he is a selfish ass....

Answer Question
 
Jamie R.

Asked by Jamie R. at 2:28 PM on Feb. 1, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Well she will need to swallow her pride and go ask for state assistance. That is what it is there for, emergencies. Even if she cannot get a lawyer right away as long as she shows she is taking care of the kids its something. They can also help with job placement. I know in our state if you get aid they take you to look for work.
    They can also help with low income housing, and maybe point her to apartments that go off your income.

    You can also take her job hunting yourself. Maybe help her with her resume. Offer to babysit. Get her involved in a church. She can make friends there too and not feel so alone.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:31 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • He cant take her children unless she has done something to endanger them, she wont need a lawyer no one awards a father full custody without a reason. if she lives in MA tell her to apply for WIC and SNAP. any state has government help when it comes to children she just has to look for it and apply.

    i am going thru a similar situation, my husband left and i have a 4 month old and he wants full custody, he cant have it. tell her to keep her head up and fight for her kids and be their voice, sounds like her husband is a jerk and selfish, like they all are ;)
    babyviking923

    Answer by babyviking923 at 2:31 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Is there a Legal Aid society in your area? She might be able to get some help that way.

    Is her name on the mortgage as well as his? She should call the bank and explain the situation to them.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:31 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Would you be willing to watch her kids while she looks for work?  I know that this is a lot to happen at once but she has to land on her feet or not at all.  Go to the local welfare office, they will help her as much as they can.  She needs to head to the child support office also and get that started.  Call the local churches, google and research places and people who will help her keep her house.  A lot of churches will donate money towards the mortgage so that she doesn't have to sell the house. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 2:32 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • She can get assistance from the state they will help her all they can , and tell the caseworker what he is doing. My caseworker when my hubby was about to walk out and try to take my kids told me what to do. He told me to file for support etc. hubby never did walk it was more of the fact he was ashamed he was not finding work and could not support us at the time.
    WildCat73

    Answer by WildCat73 at 2:40 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Maybe with him is the better place for the children right now. If there is someone willing to buy what they need I would just try to make sure that I maintained visitation rights while getting a job and saving up some money for a house. Let her live with you or have her live with a relative and help her find a job asap. She has no room for being picky either. The first job that pops up should be taken. Money is money.
    Even if the children have to live primarily with thier father she should make sure to find time to make them cards, call kthem, drop in, take them out, and get them little gifts when she can. You can be a mother without living with the children, it just takes more effort.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 3:15 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • See what kiind of assistance she can get, and then she needs to start looking for a job. It is tough to be in a situation like this and I hope for the best for her. Sometimes what seems like the impossible, ends up being the best choice she ever made.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 3:16 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Sorry...I was trying to leave out that he is abusing prescription drugs. So the other issue is the safety of the children with him. According to many she has spoken to it is very hard to prove, especially since he gets legitamate prescriptions in addition to what he is buying outside of that......
    Jamie R.

    Comment by Jamie R. (original poster) at 3:46 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • If she is a victim of domestic violence, there are lots of resources out there
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:04 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • You're being a really good friend to help her find help. I think that you're on the right track. Find legal aid. If she has young children, try WIC. Hopefully, she can find a caseworker who knows the ins and outs of the system.
    evwsquared

    Answer by evwsquared at 5:38 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

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