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How would you go about having them get to know each other? My son has not seen his father in 12 years...

They met for the first time and his father seems very geniune. The problem is I am not sure how to go about this beginning 'get to know the other' phase. My son does not feel comfortable to be alone with him right now and I feel the same way. His father is excited and anxious and wants to see him as much as he can. But I also have a life and a husband that I am not sure how much he is going to want me to hang out with another guy. My husband is super understanding as of right now. What is your opinion? I would just have his dad over here but there are three other kids to consider from my marriage. Any suggestions please...

 
AmyLynn5398

Asked by AmyLynn5398 at 4:01 PM on Feb. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,564 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I agree weekly visits sounds reasonable right now. Does your son have email? Emailing each other every other day or so would help fill in the gaps some.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I say take it slow, you don't want to overwhelm your son. Tell his dad that you guys can set up like once a week meeting until your son feels more comfortable spending time with him.
    Azita888

    Answer by Azita888 at 4:03 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • How about your parents? Could they do something to help the situation? But you shouldn't push too hard and let it happen slowly. I would also suggest his father use the phone to have conversations to start getting to know his son better. Good luck
    parajumper3

    Answer by parajumper3 at 4:06 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • How about meeting in a more neutral environment rather than your house?
    Maybe you can take all of your kids and husband to Chuck E Cheese (or whatever is around you with that similar atmosphere) and have your son's father meet there. That way there's no pressure for you and your husband to "entertain" this man or open up your home to him, but you can still keep an eye on your son. Your other kids can be part of this process and but not feel like they're forced to "hang out" with their brother's father. So if your son feels uncomfortable being alone with him, he can stay around you and your husband, or if he warms up a bit he can go play games with his father. Either way you'll be there to keep an eye out.

    Good luck to you and your family!
    AutumnJade412

    Answer by AutumnJade412 at 4:16 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • i recently met my bio. father 3yrs ago. it took me a while to get the nerve to actualy spend time w/ him, due to all the qustions who, what, why's etc? So what i did was wrote letters for a while an then took baby steps. this is sumthin that has to go slow cause ur son is dealing w/ alot! emotions and resentment possibly abandonment from his father etc.this is just gonna have to take time on ur son's part an let him make the discision's his father is gonna have to understand, an if it dont work out then maybe counseling may be an option ? I could go onbut we would be here all night so hope everything goes ok an the best of luck!
    heiditr

    Answer by heiditr at 4:27 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I think what you need to do is make sure that your son is comfortable. This must be so hard for him, even if he won't admit it. His father needs to take things slowly, because a 12-year-old is not going to have an easy time of it.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 4:12 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • How old is he? I think it matters. I would at least invite your husband to any get together. He may not actually be interested in going but it will at least calm any insecurities he has about you being around the other man. Make sure to invite him every time even if he always says no, but dont push.
    If you dont have the time to take your son ask him who he would be comfortable having go with him. An aunt he really likes, his grandpa, a family friend he is very close to? If you miss one of these meetings always be sure to ask your son how it went to keep an eye on things and show that you care even though you cant be there.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 4:14 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • This happened with my grandson and his dad but it didn't go over well. The grandson was very angry his dad left and didn't have anything to do with him over the years so they parted again. I hope it goes better for your son. Kids need their dad. Remind your son that adults have to grow up too so maybe dad has grown up now and wants to be a part of his life for real.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:33 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • hi...i've been separated for my father for almost 15 years as if i really dont know him..it's really hared to cope all the years that we lost and i think the father should be the one to make a move so that your son will follow and the faternal love will be on thier side...hard thing for me on that days but i just embraced life is like that....were from a broken home
    neng999

    Answer by neng999 at 4:41 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • well, the best way i think is to do something fun so that there are no awkward moments. they can get together doing something fun. of course you would be there. going putt putt golf, fishing, etc. something hands on where they have to interact with each other. Those are some things i would do or suggest.
    MamaSince2005

    Answer by MamaSince2005 at 4:43 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

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