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7 Bumps

I overheard my 17 year old son and his 16 year old girlfriend ****UPDATE***** adult content

I came home yesterday around 4, though I usually don't get home till at least 5. My son's car was in the driveway, as I expected, so I thought everything was fine. I went into the kitchen to start dinner and went upstairs to let him know that I was home and we would be having dinner early. I was about to knock when I heard sex sounds. I just went downstairs, cause I figured they are already doing it, no point in embarassing the poor girl. So they came downstairs for him to take her home and he noticed my car in the driveway, and went into the kitchen, I was there, he tried to figure out what I knew and I acted like I didn't even know she was there. I went upstairs to his room praying there was a condom wrapper in the trash, there wasn't. When he came home, I told him we need to talk, then he knew I knew. I told him that I knew what was going on and asked if he used a condom. He said no but that they have never had sex with anyone but each other (they have been together 2 years, and I believe that 100%) and she is on the pill. He said they have tried them but they don't like them and he said they don't want to use them because of that. I asked him why he agreed not to he said because he loves her and wants to make her happy. I just don't know what to do, I guess I would rather them do it at my house then in his car and end up getting robbed or arrested. I trust that this girl isn't trying to trick my son into getting her pregnant, besides he said they started having sex a year ago and only used condoms for about a month so if that is what she was trying to do, she would be pregnant by now. My questions are 1. do I tell him not to have sex in my house 2. do I tell her parents (he said they don't know and that she got the bc pills on her own)? 3 would it be wrong for me to make a deal with him and say they can do it in my house if he wears a condom? I know I can't stop them, I figured they were doing it about about a year ago I put a box of condoms in his laundry basket with a note that said "if you are gonna have sex please use these." His dad is not around. I had the sex talk with him and he knows to respect women. I love my son and his girlfriend, I just don't want them to have a baby before they are ready. I told him that using a condom doesn't mean he doesn't love her or doesn't trust her, it just means that he wants to protect her from getting pregnant before they are ready.

************************************UPDATE***********************************

So this afternoon I had a sit down with my son's girlfriend. I told her that my first concern is that they are safe. I asked her why she doesn't want to use condoms she said it just doesn't feel right and she said she likes the feeling a lot better when it is just him. I told her that I understand that as I don't like them myself BUT at their age they need to take every possible procaution they can. I really can't believe how much she opened up to me. She told me that her parent's view on sex is that if she or her sisters do it, they don't want to know about it and if they do know about it all hell will break loose. She said the biggest thing she is worried about is them stopping her from getting the pill because as she said, she doesn't want to get pregnant but they are not going to stop having sex. I asked her about the pregnancy scare my son told me they had a while ago and she said that while she was really scared, he was there for her and it made her love him more. She also told me when they starting having sex and that they did it because they love each other and they were both ready(which makes me feel better cause at least it wasn't that they were just messing around and things got out of hand). I called my son in the room to talk with us too. I asked them how serious they are about this relationship and my son said he wants to marry her when she turns 18 and graduates high school (she is in 11th grade). I reminded them that even with the pill and a condom, there is still the chance of pregnancy (though if they used both, it would be a very slim change.) They agreed that in addition to the pill, they will start using either a condom or spermiside. When my son got back home from taking her back to her house we had another talk just us. He asked me a question that I was NOT ready for. He asked me how I would feel if he proposed to her after he graduates. My son is a Senior in high school and is going into the Marines after the summer. Between boot camp and the other training he will be doing, he will be gone from August till May with a few visits and then he said they could get married after they graduate. I asked him if he really thought they were old enough he said "mom, we are having sex, I am going into the military, I am old enough to risk my life for my country but not old enough to marry the one I love?" I told him we would keep talking about it, I was not ready for that one, I can tell you.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Feb. 1, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • Good luck!
    Littleguysmommy

    Answer by Littleguysmommy at 5:49 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • To answer your questions 1.) I would not tell them not to have sex in your house because they will have to find somewhere else to do it and you don't want them to get into trouble doing it in his car or going to a hotel. 2.) I would not tell her parents. I think you could talk to them about letting her parents know that they are in love and want to get married, If you tell her parents you are just going to push a wedge between you and them. 3.) If she is on the pill and they haven't used a condom in almost a year I don't think you can make them use one.

    I do think it is great that you talked with both of them and as hard as it is he is getting older and he is right. As hard as it might be for them they are old enough to make decisions for themselves and it looks like they have good heads on their shoulders. I would keep talking with them and support them any way you can.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 5:52 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • You did a brilliant job of handling the situation! You have proven to his girlfriend and him that you can be trusted, you can be confided in, and you are open minded and willing to listen. That is a GREAT thing to create with your children. I really applaud you for the way you handled it and I really respect that you are soo open minded to the situation. Great Job!!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:02 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Sounds like they're both very serious! Best of luck to them AND to you!
    hippomom1919

    Answer by hippomom1919 at 5:47 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • It sounds like you handed it very well. And that they both opened up to you is very good
    rockinmomof2boy

    Answer by rockinmomof2boy at 5:53 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I dont think your son or this girl know what goes into marriage to many people get married to young and never really get to find themselves first it can cause a lot of problems down the road.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 6:04 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • well it seems like you are handling every thing good .............. I hope when mine becomes a teen I am as understanding and open with her as you are with your son. good luck and you did raise a good boy it sounds like
    tearb

    Answer by tearb at 10:15 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My boys are still just toddlers but I think you did the right thing. Not sure what to tell you about the marriage thing. But you are right most guys his age only think about sex. Good luck.
    jenae_gist

    Answer by jenae_gist at 5:52 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • YOU ARE SUCH A WONDERFUL MOM. KEEP AT IT. GREAT JOB/LUCK HON!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Looks like you raised a great man.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 5:57 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

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