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2 Bumps

How do you tell your husband enough is enough, no more children! This may sound silly but it's such a sensitive subject with my husband and interfering MIL!

MIL has 14 children. DH is her eldest and VERY influenced by her. When I met my husband I realised how religious he was and how serious he was but I knew swaying him would have to happen at some point when I felt enough was enough and it was working. However my MIL moved in due to losing her husband 3 years ago and now I'm being pressured every single day and my husband thinks that God's blessings should be more abundant in our family...

Up until she moved in we had 6 little ones and I agreed (stupid stupid me) to try again thinking it would take a year at least after MIL moved in and I got pregnant with twins. They're 1 now and are little blessings but I don't think I can do more than 8.

When I tell MIL and DH their standard arguments are that MIL can always help out. I agreed to this with DH when we got married and many more.

I love my DH so much and we're so strong together when MIL isn't butting in. I've been practising periods of abstinence and natural family planning for the past year but I had a pregnancy scare last week and I'm terrified. My DH doesn't even know I'm using natural planning. I'm tired and worn out and my body seems to be very fertile. I still think I may be pregnant as my period was so light and only lasted 3 days and it's happened before during pregnancy. I will go to docs this week and if so I need this to be my last!

Please ladies, any ideas? Sites to help my husband understand? Anything? I can't go on BC without him knowing because if he ever did find out he would literally feel so betrayed he'd probably leave me. As I said this issue is so sensitive with him. And MIL is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Please ladies!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Feb. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Come out and be honest. Or convince your doc to strss to ur hisband how hard prgnancy is onur body and u need to stop
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 6:56 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • You tell them you love them, and that it's wonderful that she will "help out", but that she is not the one who would be pg, and she is not the one who would be the mother and responsible. Try to do this gently but firmly. Also, explain that you understand that she is his mother, and that you love her, and that he loves her, and that she should be honored and respected, but gently but firmly point out the scripture that talks about a man leaving his wife and cleaving unto his wife, and that the two become one. And that this means that while she's a very important part of your family, she is not a part of your marriage, and that the number of children you do or do not have are between you and your dh and God.

    MIL and dh shouldn't be talking about it like this, it's disrespectful to the marriage that you and your husband formed between you and God.

    Hope this helps! Stick to it if you don't want more, don't have them!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:11 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • First you need to discuss the facts of life with him. Women and babies are healthiest when you wait at least 2 years between pregnancies. That's a medical fact.

    Now let's examine this from how G-d created us... Women who breastfeed have an average delay of fertility of 14.5 months. That is divine design of birth spacing.

    What does G-d say about money? All faiths believe in charity and sharing. Will more children place a financial burden on your faith based community out reach? Can you feed them all and give your portion to Him?
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 7:16 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • MIL needs to move in with another 1 of her children. If he wants to have more children, then he can carry them.
    LuvMyMedic3ID

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 7:38 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I'd sneak and get fixed...lol. Seriously..I don't know how you can even handle 8!!! I would have a heart to heart with your husband and let him know how you feel.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 6:59 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Be honest, you are an adult. Tell your MIL she will just have to enjoy the ones she has. She is being selfish. You already have enough to deal with. You are raising children in a different time than she did. It is not the same.
    Find your backbone and quit letting others control you and your life. Why should they have the power to live your life? All you have to do is to stop being the doormat. You can live your life trying to please everyone except you or actually live your life. They can only guilt you into things if you let them. You are ultimately responsible for your life. Quit being so scared of their opinions. They certainly don't seem to be considering yours.
    You can still love - truely love. and have some integrity and strength. Faith is not controlling, it is understanding and compassionate. Maybe you can remind them of that. You have enough already.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 7:15 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Sorry for all the typo's.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 6:57 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Really can't help you. You knew how he was about this when you met and married him. Thought you could sway him fron not wanting to be the Duggars. Just put your foot down. NO MORE BABIES. Tell him you are getting a tubal.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:04 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My husb is the baby of 9- I dont know how his mom did it! What is your husb trying to do- keep up w/ the Duggers?! -LOL This should've been discussed ahead of time & continued discussions thru-out your marriage. Lets face it, kids are expensive to say the least- so I hope your husb has a GREAT job- b/c it's obvious what your job is right now! :p You have your hands full! The MIL should have no say in this what-so-ever! It's your body, your marriage & YOU are the one raising all of them! Talk to your Dr. & your clergy for help w/ this one, b/c obviously you will need help from both to convince your husb. that you have "gone forth & multiplied" enough! :) GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:05 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • i would tell him how you feel, what's he going to do divorce you? i doubt that highly. tell mil to butt out!!
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 7:18 PM on Feb. 1, 2011