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Absent father advice

My 2 yr old has recently been mentioning "daddy". He has never met his father. We split up when I was pregnant and he has never tried to see him. Drugs and threats were involved so I have not tried to involve him in our lives, either. Any advice on what I can say to my son at this age? I think he is asking bc other kids at daycare have fathers pick them up. I'm just not sure what to say at this point when he asks questions.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Feb. 1, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • that has to suck. i'm sorry you have to deal ith that. just tell him 'some people have mommy and daddy and he has mommy. you're his mommy and you can give him everything he needs'. try it that way. it might be a bit much or wordy but if you say it consistently or slow it down for him he'll get an idea of what youre saying. they understand more than people think
    Mrs.L.Mita

    Answer by Mrs.L.Mita at 10:39 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Just tell him that daddy loves him but can't be there right now. When he gets older you explain more.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:37 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My daughter is 2 and her bio father has chose to not be present either. He was when she was younger, up to a year but she doesnt remember. We ended up signing an agreement that he would never contact her again or try to be involved in decisions regarding her as long as I never try to get child support from him. I agreed. My older daughter talks to her dad on the phone a lot so as far as younger knew, Daddy was someone you talk to on the phone and she didnt understand some have different daddies. She thought there was only 1 for everyone and naturally she wanted to talk to him too so he would talk to her but I usually just told her she didnt have a daddy and that was her sisters daddy. She seemed to understand that she doesnt have one but it was really sad. Since then my SO has decided to be her daddy so it worked out. Good luck!!!
    huntin_mama

    Answer by huntin_mama at 10:49 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • My daughter knew her father, and then we went away, after molesting her. She's just beginning to understand he's not coming back. Her thing is she wants me to find her a new daddy. I just tell her that I love her very much, and that we are just fine without him. I explain that we will have many people come in and out of our lives, but that Mommy will never go away, and that is all that matters. I also make sure to do everything I can with her that a dad would do. We go fishing, camping, play ball, in addition to baking and shopping. I do the discipline as well as the comforting. I pay the bills and cook the dinner. I figure she's learning women are every bit as good as men. Another thing is to involve other strong men in his life. I have her grandfather, her uncles, and many strong male friends.
    mrskrisher

    Answer by mrskrisher at 11:14 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • I agree with tyfry7496. He is to young to understand all the problems and why his daddy isn't around. You need to just tell him something that isn't going to hurt him and something that he will understand. Telling him that his father loves him and just can't be with him right now is good. He will more then likely not have any more questions at this time because he is young. If he does just answer them the best way you can in terms that he will understand. As he gets older you can explain more to him. I didn't tell my DS about his father until he 10 years old. I think you have to give them what they can handle and at his age he just wants to know why his daddy isn't around.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:48 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • something like there are all kinds of families and some families have mommies and daddies and some have just mommies and some have two mommies and other have two daddies. but no matter what his family loves him. and then when he gets older you can explain more. maybe he will understand that. its hard when they are very young. my daughter has not asked yet but eventually she will. good luck.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 4:51 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • There is a great line from the movie "Changeling" that applies here..


    "Well, the same day you were born, something else arrived. It came in the mail, in a box just slightly bigger than you. You know what was in that box? Something called responsibility. Now, to some people, responsibility is fun, it's what you live your whole life for. Other people think it's the scariest thing in the world."


    I think something along those lines would be good to say to your kid.

    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:58 PM on Feb. 1, 2011