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2 Bumps

Has anyone been in an emotionally abusive relationship?

It's draining, it's confusing and a ROLLER COASTER!!! I just got OFF and staying strong. Any suggestions or support for staying away from the guilt and manipulation? He's my 10 yr old son's dad, so it's not like I can totally eliminate him! lol

 
mamastyles

Asked by mamastyles at 4:39 AM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (857 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Just keep telling yourself WHY you ended the relationship. Write down all of the reasons and keep it where you can see it, but your son can't. Remind yourself that you and ds are the most imporant things.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 4:44 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Get into counselling for yourself and your son...it will help you deal with it all....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 6:43 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I have a 23 year old daughter going through this now. It's terrible for me; when she hurts, I hurt. She loves him so she refuses to believe that he's emotionally abusing her. I'm taking her to my psychologist where I'm hoping she'll recognize that I really care and , hopefully, she'll agree to seek help on her own. My first boyfriend emotionally abused me; that was over 40 years ago. When I finally broke up with him, I knew that I still loved him, but I had to move forward and never look back. For your son's sake and your own, I agree with Anna92464, get professional help.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:48 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I got my son and I off that roller coaster, too. Happily divorced now, my son's adjusted well and is happier without his dad here all the time. He sees him constantly, but I no longer have to answer to him or feel defensive to him. Get all the people around you that love and support you and you'll do fine. Seek counseling if you need to.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 9:16 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • yes. i made a list of what i will only accept in my next man/husband. If it wasn't on the list, i didn't date/continue to date. It also remeinded me why i left. It was a visual reminder of my goals. For example, a few things on my list were about a man were: talk to me with respect, love and kindness. Be a good father, be there as a father to my son, be honest, not guilt trip me into what i don't want...and so on.

    My son gave me the strength to leave. I didn't want him to grow up to be like his bio-father, and i didn't want him to think it was okay to treat women (or anyone) like that. i couldn't bare to raise a boy into a man that was a jerk.

    So, ask yourself...if YOU wouldn't treat your loved one (son) like that, why should anyone treat YOU like that?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • i was married years back
    he was abusive
    it is hard to get your ming together after years of being told what to think, how to think, being told you are worthless etc etc
    but you sound strong and the hardest part is behide you
    leaving is a dangerous time
    starting over is a JOY!
    reading about how an abuser uses people is a good start, because hard to rationalize why a partner acts the way they do
    you know it is not you, but a good thing to read about how an abusers mind works
    therapy is good to, see why you were picks by him, abusers pick nuturing people

    you for you, bet you feel lighter than air most days
    been there
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:20 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • In my case, my stbxh walked out on me. I believe he thought it would send me over the edge and he would have that power. He clamed for months he wanted a divorce but did nothing. I got back on my feet and have since moved forward. I have gained so much since he walked and most important I got me back. For years, I was belittled, shut down, I lost my voice in the relationship. Things were at there worst when I defended myself. That is when the physical abuse started. It stopped when I gave up. I made the mistake of letting him win. He had the control, he was able to verbally and emotionally abuse me. I took control and filed for divorce. These past 9 months he has ben cruel and nasty to me trying to get that control back. Last weekend he got to me and I played the victim all over again which really made me mad at myself. We have a no contact order in place except for when we have to discuss our daughter. He uses that to
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 10:05 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • kick me in my teeth so to speak. He will turn it around and make it about himself just trying to gain the upper hand again. I will only communicate with him through email or text and now if there is something that has to be discussed about our daughter i will only talk to him when my daughters therapist is present or it goes through my lawyer. That is how I am protecting myself. The times I do have to talk to him when he starts up I hang up and will not answer my phone.
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 10:08 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Ever since my 5 week old baby died my husband has been very angry at the world and the emotional abuse me and my other two children are taking is tiring. we are looking for help and i just want you to know your not alone momma
    mommy161617

    Answer by mommy161617 at 10:19 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Good for you! I read a book once called Betrayal Bonds by Patrick Carnes that really helped me to understand why I got involved with an old abusive ex. I found that constant reminders and education on what I actually DO deserve helped.

    Good luck :)
    angelm523

    Answer by angelm523 at 11:27 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

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