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2 Bumps

Doesn't like kids?

My son will be 5 in April. He attends a private christian dayschool (Pre-K) classroom. He is set to attend kindergarten next spring.

My worry is this. He has no friends. Has no desire to make friends. We tried getting him in DART preschool, but he did not qualify when we tested him at age 3. He did qualify for social help in a private preschool b/c he lacked social skills. We've gone to playgroups, playdates, story times...I've spent money on tons of other things with me involved with him and without. I give him plenty of time together alone.

It was terrible this morning. Worse than it's ever been. He was screaming, throwing things and begging for us not to send him to school. I know the kids aren't picking on him. Although I'm not on friends with the parents of these children, I know these kids are not like that. He tells me he doesn't enjoy being in the company of other children. He loves the adults, but even after a year (since last January) he's still not socially where we want him to be. I know kids can be shy adjusting to a new setting, but it's been a year. Even the other shy kids have gone off and made 'friends'. I'm just worried there is something wrong with my child. Why in the world doesn't he want to be around other kids? It's an all the time thing, too. I just don't understand it. I know some take longer than others so before it turns into a bash fest of me thinking my kid is weird, please don't think that. I'm really worried and could use some advice from parents who have been through this.

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Asked by mom23boys679 at 10:15 AM on Feb. 2, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 11 (578 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • He is five I wouldn't make too much of it. We homeschool our children and allow them to make friends on their own terms. My five year old was also timid with other children, but I didn't fuss over it and let her do it on her own. We go to playdates several times a week and a year ago sometimes she would play and other times she would just sit with me. Now, she loves playing with the other kids (of all ages) and has such a good time. A school environment is not for every child. I know that my dd would have struggled and I'm thankful I didn't have to put her through that.

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 10:20 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I've not been through this but I hope I am allowed to give my two cents, with all the consideration and love for children that I have. Could it be that those children you think are not like that, are giving him a hard time sneakily and appearing all angelic in front of everyone else? Could he picked on and afraid to say it? Could there be something else going on with the adults in his school? Did he have a bad experience with children in the past? Something really bad or even small that is stuck in his head however and now as a general rule, he doesn't like children? Just asking questions here to give a different perspective perhaps. Do you think there is a chance that there is abuse going on in the school and he is just too afraid to say it? Just saying.

    If I were you, I would schedule an appointment with a child psychologist. It doesn't hurt to talk to him, see what's going on. Even if nothing of the above is going on-cont

    Answer by Marianne140 at 10:24 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • im actually kinda in the same situation my D is 4 and in the prek at our school this was her first year and she goes twice a week full day but hasnt made any friends and doesnt really play with any other kids. she loves to play pretend and dress up and plays that most of the time so her teachers and we feel she is not at the right place socially that she should be. well i noticed that most of her class is boys and actually she is the only girl. all the boys like to play with cars and trains and legos everthing but she doesnt. so now we are are putting her in the 4 day full time program at her school to work on things. the other class on the other two days have three girls so im hoping that helps alot and that its just that there are no girls with her interest. also my dd has never been in a school setting or daycare and thinking that that may be the problem. but on the other hand he may be just a loner as my dd might be.

    Answer by laura970 at 10:25 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • -cont- your son may just be a natural loner at this time. Maybe it's a phase he's going through. But maybe there is something else going on. I think a child psychologist, a very experienced one, would be great. The best of luck.

    Answer by Marianne140 at 10:25 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Marianne - I'm highly considering it. I'm going to call up our insurance and see where to go from here. It pains me that my son isn't a social butterfly but his dad and I were both shy in school and we kinda wish we'd get lucky and have all outgoing children. As for the children, it's a possibility...I'll ask. I know it's not the teachers b/c he LOVES them and he does get along with adults. No other bad experience prior to this though. His grandma yelled at him once and he won't stay there, but as for the kids...nothing. He's always done this. So I'm thinking it's just in his nature? Although I wish it weren't.

    Laura - I hope that you are able to work with this with your child. Then again might be the loner/introvert type, I guess? It's so hard because you have so many expectations for your children and they just choose their own ways. Hope you're able to switch your DD and hope it improves!


    Comment by mom23boys679 (original poster) at 10:37 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • My 6 year old, was diagnosed with SID (sensory integration disorder). This year he will be diagnosed as autistic (a very high performing one) The school flips out because he will parallel play (he plays by himself) and will not interact with the kids in his classroom. He gets along better with adults. It sounds to me like you should be talking to your pediatrician to see if there is something more wrong or if he just likes to be a loner. I wasn't much of a socializer in school either. Does your DS have any other type of "odd" behaviors, or doesn't like certain textures? I'm not saying there is anything medically wrong with him, but it sounds to me that you need a professional opinion (someone other than the providers at the school) Good Luck hun.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:39 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Buzymamaof3 - I think I may consider cyber school for him. I just wouldn't do well with the homeschooling route. I just don't feel I'm qualified enough for it. Would you mind sharing your story about your child with me a little bit that made you choose homeschooling? No rush, but it's been weighing on our minds for a long, long time.

    Comment by mom23boys679 (original poster) at 10:39 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • kitchenwitch - My 3 y/o has I'm quite farmiliar with it. Except my 3 y/o loves other kids and adults equally and has no problem playing with some of his classmates. I'm definitely going to take him in to be evaluated by a doctor. Thank you for mentioning that though. He has food issues, but when he was tested at 3 years old at the child development unit at our children's hospital, he was tested normal and was labeled a normal picky eater. Nothing they were concerned about. I'll definitely take him back before we consider homeschool though.

    Comment by mom23boys679 (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I hope this will help. This will explain some of the questions that you are asking. I went on this and it did answer some of my questions. I think it explains a lot, about ready for kindergarten.

    Answer by sta517 at 10:42 AM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Have you tried setting up a one on one playdate with any of the kids from the class? There was a girl in my daughter's kindergarten class that was extremely shy. Her mom set up a playdate with me and my daughter right after school started. We got the girls together and her daughter got to know my daughter, so she saw a familiar face in class everyday. They ended up becoming great friends and still keep up with each other even though they are in different schools.

    Answer by missanc at 1:56 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

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