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5 Bumps

My friends are driving me crazy.

My 2 closest friends are both going through extremely tough situations right now (separately, not the same situation) but I'm having a hard time feeling very sorry for either of them and am frankly sick of hearing about it. While I do feel bad that they are going thru these situations, it hurts me to see them hurt, and I don't BLAME either of them, one I kind of feel like may have brought it upon herself in a way and while the outcome sucks and shouldnt have happened to her, people have warned her something bad might happen and it did , and the other is just prolonging her pain after all the advice she's ASKED for and has been GIVEN from SEVERAL people, and it makes it hard to see either of them as the "victim" anymore. I want to be a good friend and feel honored that they are both comfortable enough to talk to me about it but at the same time, it's getting old and starting to feel like it's MY problem when none of it has anything to do with me. I feel bad not caring anymore, but I carry enough burden of my own world on my shoulders I can't handle the burden of other's as well. What should I do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Part of being a friend, is continuing to be a friend even if they don't make the best choices. I made some bad choices, and my friend sat up with me late at night while I cried, worried, and struggled. I did the same for her when she made a poor choice, and everyone else found it their place to tell her so constantly. It's just hard when we are paying the consequences. And if they are self inflicted, believe me, they get it! It doesn't mean they think they are a victim.
    Can you think of a struggle you talk about with your friend? You don't have to solve their problems for them to be there for them. Sometimes people just want to talk, nothing more.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:23 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • so tell them how u feel and if they cant handle it then they werent your friends to begin with friendship is a two way street
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 12:06 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • That's what caller ID is for! -lol
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:10 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • My rule of thumb is always to consider how I would want them to act/behave/feel if I were in their shoes.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 12:21 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • True friends will just tell you like it is.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 12:09 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I don't really have any advice, because I'm more like the friend with the problem than the one who listens... but I just want to say that it sounds like you've been an awesome friend so far. I had a girlfriend - the only female friend I had - who I THOUGHT I could confide in, but she only blamed me for not being "perfect" and decided she could not be my friend. Now the only friend I can confide in are online friends, and really, it's not the same.
    That said, you do deserve a break, at least, from carrying their burden. I don't have any constructive advice to offer, but I know you must be exhausted from it all.
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 12:12 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Although I agree with the other two mom's, I don't think you should be harsh. They are having a bad time, and it sounds like they are wallowing in it instead of rising above it. Talk to each one of them and tell them, you know I am here for you know matter what, but if you want to continue to live in misery I can't be a part of that. You need to rise above all the negativity and show yourself that you are worth more than this. It's okay to tell a friend to get over it, as long as in doing so you don't make the situation worse. We all have a friend in our lives or in our past that has brought drama on themselves, if it is a recurring situation you may want to rethink the friendship. Don't let anyone bring you down hon, life is to short for us to take on everyone else's problems on top of ours. In a firm yet gentle way tell them to grow up and move on. Good Luck and Brightest Blessings.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 12:14 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • i have this one friend that i cringe everytime i just want a normal conversation. Somehow, it leads to the same thing, she keeps repeating herself too..."my life is so much happier without him and i'm so free and he needs help and blah blah blah". i used to give in and agree with her and make up a conversation for most of the day with her BUT she keeps on and on and i figured out that she just keeps complaining and complaining, i'd say the same things to her too, well, IF i have to make conversation with her, i try to keep it short and not make it my problem, saying stuff like "i'm glad your happy." and i would try to avoid replying to anything ive already heard.

    Im thinking you have to comment on just the good stuff so that they will realize its not the end of the world and their problems are not your problems and its not mean to avoid the negative that will come out of them cause then your in it ALL the way.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:25 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • make yourself scarce and distance youself, they will lay off.

    On the other note, i do know how you feel, ive got some problems too and there are just a few friends out there that will offer you actual help rather then talking about their own problems and not giving back. Just when you think there's no one out there, only a few will offer to help you out and listen, others that talk about thier own problems constantly throw thier shoulders up at you and dont know how to offer others to help.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:30 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

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