Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Is he screwing with me or is he genuine? please be nice lol

Alright ladies, bear with me. This is a sort of long story and I know a few parts will be super easy to bash but I'd appreciate it if you could go easy on me (:

My friend Abby and her boyfriend Seth asked me to go to a bar with them one night, my car is in the shop from a bad accident so I told them I'd need a ride. Abby says she has a friend named Drake who can pick me up cause he lives close to me and was going too. I said okay...I asked Abby a little about Drake and she said he was a very nice guy so I was like cool.

He picks me up, we talk in the car and he is telling me stories about crazy ex's and it gets awkward when he says "yeah and she was like divorced with two kids, so not attractive to a 21 year old male" and I was like "yeah, I know I'm only 20 but I'm divorced and I have a child" and he starts busting out laughing and explains that he was only freaked out by the other girl cause she'd been hiding that from him for 2 weeks and then finally told him.

Anyway...we get to the bar, he pulls out my chair and is all gentlemen like and he buys me a few shots and I'm feeling good...not drunk...just good. He's pretty tipsy as well and then we go eat pancakes lol and he asks if I want to stay at Abby's or if I want him to take me back to my place. I want to go back to my place cause Abby's place is tiny and I really wasn't in the mood to hear her and Seth getting it on. So we go.

On the way he says "would you want to come back to my place and watch a movie or something?" I'm not dumb..I know he really means to have sex but I'm like okay.

So we go back, watch a movie and then end up having sex. This is the first time I've EVER done something like that so in the morning...I'm feeling pretty crappy about myself. He takes me to breakfast...drops me off at home and I'm thinking I'll never hear from him again...well he calls me a few hours later and asks me if I want to go out later.

To make a long story short, for the past 3 weeks we've been together almost every night, he always asks me to to hang out, I never initiate it.

We've only had sex 3 times out of all the nights I've stayed over...we usually go to dinner, watch a movie and then cuddle and go to sleep.

Well, he told me he doesn't want to be official yet because he has trust issues cause he's been screwed over in the past really badly and I he said he'd like to be official possibly in the next month or two. But he also says he's not exactly sure what he wants but that if he decides at any point he knows for sure we won't date then he will be honest with me, we also have an agreement not to fool around with anyone else and that if something happened it'd be treated how it should be in a relationship, tell the other person and split up. So for 3 weeks now we've been going through the motions without the title. He seems like a no bs kind of guy and like he'd tell me if anything changed but I'm not gonna lie, I have my reservations as I've been hurt too.

Well he went to Lexington for a night to see a friend from his hometown named Mark and Mark's girlfriend and while there he met a girl name Ginger. I know he didn't do anything with Ginger because I was dumb and read his facebook message when he left the room where he told his friend that he was trying to decide whether to accept or decline Ginger's invite for him to go back the next weekend and see her. I got upset of course and told him I saw it and he got mad, and said that he was mad I didn't trust him and that he told her he wasn't going to visit her and that he was going to be staying in all weekend with me. But while I'm at his house the past few nights...he's texting her and other people too but still. So I finally asked him what's up with that and he tells me that he's an overly social being and that every time his phone goes off he will answer...even if the person that's talking to him annoys the heck out of him and that yes he may answer her texts but it's me he choses to be with every night and stuff and that I can ask Abby if I don't believe he always answers. So I do ask Abby and she says it's true, even when he's mad as hell at you he will still answer your texts, doesn't matter who you are.

Still....I just don't know what to make of this whole situation.

What do you ladies think is up with him? Is he genuine or should I let him go?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • i say take a chill pill its been 3 weeks only enjoy dating and stop trying to jump into a relationship thats what ruins things to begin with.

    Answer by Jaxsmommy09 at 12:38 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I think he is gunuine....Although i would understand if he has been acting a little weird because you went through his messages on facebook......So he has the right to act weird for you not trusting can you guys start a relationship if from the get go you dont have any trust in would you feel if he just started going through all of your stuff?

    Answer by Shelii at 12:41 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • One of the things they tell you about job interviews is that you should NEVER diss your prior employers.

    This guy flunked the initial job interview by dissing the past girlfriend.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:41 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • It sounds to me like he DID consider going back with this girl which means he isn't FULLY committed to you.. although he's fully admitted he doesn't want a title, you also have an arrangement not to be with other people either. I think its rude and immature for him to be constantly texting while with you or answering every call with you there.. his focus should be on YOU while you are hanging out.. that to me is just rude... IMO. I think only 3 weeks in to anything, this shouldn't be a questions already.. too much work for my taste!!

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • well i'm not sure why he'd be mad you saw his messege about Ginger on facebook. that concerns me. i think i more genuine guy would say "you can believe me or not but i'm telling you the truth!" but i also could be wrong. As soon as you mentioned Ginger i got a jealous feeling but i dont want to tell you what you should do.

    All i can say is, he might be a good guy to YOU but also might be the type still looking even though he said its a faithful relationship between the two of you, he might be calling that messege faithful even though there was no act upon it but that may be just an excuse.

    Just be watchful and careful.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:45 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • oh and you are not paranoid.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • He's playing the field. I would move on.

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 12:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Run from him any person who will diss the past girlfriends calling them crazy is showing red flags already. It sounds like this is a whirlwind courtship please slow down and find out what he is hiding that he has to move so fast???

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:49 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Here's what's going on here, in my opinion. This guy likes having both options and regular sex. He figures if he keeps you happy with phrases like "we can be official in the next month or so" you'll keep right on having sex with him and being there for him while he goes right on looking for something better and/or different and/or whatever's yanking his crank at the moment. He's not emotionally ready for a real relationship, he's just not.
    Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but believe me, you're better off with your eyes wide open to this kind of behavior.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 12:50 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Yikes, I'd say if you're feeling like you need to snoop and check his FB messages after only 3 weeks, it's not worth it.
    Take your power back Momma.
    If you're interested and think this has the possibility of going somewhere, then don't stop communicating with him, but after only 3 weeks you're talking as if you've been married for years and he's now chatting up some other girl! lol

    Take some of the pressure off this "relationship" by taking a step back. Keep chatting with him if you want to stay in this (& think it will go somewhere) but don't be so readily available for this guy.
    I'd suggest you don't hang out with him every night. You've taught him that you will be there all the time and that it's okay that he chats up other women (or a woman) in your presence.
    He knows what you want, take a step back and let him decide what he wants. But don't accept being pushed aside while he's chatting with her. AND DON'T SNOOP! :)

    Answer by AutumnJade412 at 12:57 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.