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4 Bumps

how do you?

how do you talk to a man about some things he needs to change without sounding like your attacking???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • OY....when you find that answer...let us all know! LOL!

    Seriously, in my home, my husband's first reaction is defense. I have to remember that and push past it to get to a point where he will listen and communicate in return. Rule #1, I never ever yell or raise my voice. Rule #2, I always touch my husband (hold his hand or put a hand on his thigh or arm or shoulder) when I have to discuss difficult subjects. Touching is comfort for both of us, and it is much more difficult to have stress-reactions when there is a warm hand soothing you.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 1:02 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I obviously don't know the details of what you're talking about....but I do know the only person you can control is yourself!
    You can't make a partner change...but you can INSPIRE change by changing how YOU act and react to those things you disapprove of.

    I read an amazing book that changed not only my outlook on my relationship, but MY role is the things that were going wrong. Here I was thinking, "If I could only change this & that in my husband, things would be better." What I learned was, by changing MY behaviors- my words, feelings, gestures towards my partner, especially during "rough times" I could inspire him and require MORE OF HIM by requiring MORE OF MYSELF!

    The book by the way was Relationship Rescue (By Dr Phil)-- Like him or hate him, his book transformed my relationship and you don't need your husband to read the book to make a difference in the relationship.

    Good Luck!!
    AutumnJade412

    Answer by AutumnJade412 at 1:08 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Talk in terms of YOU. Not that he needs to do something different. You like, enjoy, want. etc.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 1:43 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Write him a letter. Even if you don't give it to him, it will help you. Don't hold back either. Don't be afraid to say what you truly feel!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 1:57 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Good question. Some men will turn it into an attack no matter how you phrase what you are saying. The only thing I can say is avoid negative words and blame. Say how you feel instead of what you think. Don't yell or accuse. Keep control of your patience. You'll need it.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 2:00 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Do a pro and con list.See if it helps to make you really see your situation.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 2:02 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • What you need to do is definitely stay away from what he actually does and explain the after affects...like instead of saying 'you were mean when we argued last night' you could say 'it hurt my feelings when you said...'. Another example- 'you never clean the house' could be changed into 'I'd really like to make a stronger effort to have this house clean, could you pls help by...'. Men don't want to hear complaints, they want solutions- be proactive if possible. Good luck! (Ps- got this advice I'm giving you from my older brother, who is also a Psychologist!)
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 2:17 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Do it at a relaxing time, and maybe just mention one thing.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 3:12 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Even when I did that, my ex-husband said I was attacking and he was immediately on the defensive. I worded things so it wasn't pointing a finger, kept an even tone - nothing mattered.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 3:54 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I dont know
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 11:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

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