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6 Bumps

My boyfriend is drinking in the morning and throuhout the day

My boyfriend is really increasing his drinking. I am shocked. I think if I say too much and I have said a little, that he will sneak, get defensive and resent me. He fills his "water" bottle with vodka in the am. Wow. I am so bummed because I am super in love with him and he wants to marry me. He is extremely special. I guess I am screwed on this one. I really am lost for what I can do. He doesn't pass out but he does get too messed up to hold out for long in bed. That is depressing. And, he has memory problems of course. No anger or violence. He is 51, I am 46. He tells me he has never felt the way he does about me in his entire life. His drinking makes me think I should be looking around and a breakup is going to be devastating for both of us. Any advice? We want to grow old together but alcohol seems to rule him.

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damnproudofit

Asked by damnproudofit at 1:37 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • My ex had a drinking problem - probably still does. Alcoholism is in his family, so it was like he had no choice but to have a problem himself. I totally get where you're coming from... you can't say anything, because it will cause a fight. I personally think that alcoholics have to realize what they are for themselves, and only then can they get help. Try to show him the problems it will cause if he keeps it up. Maybe then he will realize that it's got to stop.
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 1:40 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • What is your question? You clearly are in a relationship with an Alcoholic - does he go to work in the morning? How does he drive? drinking all day? How does he drive HOME? that is clearly endangering himself and others and YOU. and your biggest concern is he can't last long in bed?? I think it should be more than that.. I don't know what to tell you - sorry - you aren't screwed.. sometimes you have to see what is most important for YOUR future.. if you love them, let them go.. type of situation.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:40 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • It sounds like he has a drinking problem. If you love him, talk to him about it. Remember - he isn't going to get help unless he wants help. Best of luck to you.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 1:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • You have to talk with him and see if he wants what you want then offer to go with him to get help for his drinking.
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 1:44 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • He's an alcoholic. He's not going to stop unless he has an epiphany. If you want to continue being involved with him while he's actively indulging his addiction, fine, but my advice to you would be DO NOT MARRY HIM. Alcoholism is progressive, which means his problems (and therefore YOUR problems with him) will grow increasingly severe and complicated if he does not begin recovery. Being legally bound by marriage will just make it that much harder to get away when you've finally had enough.
    Regarding his drinking, just remember you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 1:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I f he is filling up water bottles in the morning with vodka,you will not grow old with him.If he drinks more than a quart a day of vodka he will be dead in a years time.I have lived this my dear and it is no fun.Thank God my dh got help before it was too late.At the time he had been drinking like that for over 1 year,when we sought help,the doctors told me he had about 3 months left to live period.Ankle swelling,not eating,and face bright red all the time.They think you cannot smell them because its vodka well think again.this nearly ruined my life,and my childrens life seek help NOW.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 1:59 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • If you are planning on growing old with this person you need to talk to him about this and get some kind of counseling. If he's not willing to change his ways due to his love for you than he loves his drinking more than you and it's time for you to move on.
    MrsLooney

    Answer by MrsLooney at 2:01 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I'm very sorry, he needs help. Unfortunately you cannot force it upon him with guilt trips, ultimatums, or begging. He has to realize it for himself that he needs. YOU need to take care of yourself though first, because if he does get help, you will need to be in a good place in order to be there for him. Assist in whatever way you can, but don't take it all upon yourself alone, if you need to, find a group for family of alcoholics where you find support, they will have a lot of good advice for you. Good luck. <>
    two_girls

    Answer by two_girls at 2:05 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • My only advice is don't do what I and a lot of other women have done. Do not marry a man who has a substance abuse problem and that is exactly what this is. Normally people don't fill up a water bottle with Vodka and drink all day long. I don't usually advise leaving and SO but in a case like this, unless they change there is not much hope and what is left is misery for the sober one. You can't change him and an addict of any kind is not worth wasting your life on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • You need to leave this man! He is an alcoholic and you are wrong if you think he will quit drinking. What will you do if he kills someone while driving? Report him to his boss if he is drinking on the job--maybe he is making car parts that will fail some innocent driver one day. You are young enough to find someone else who will treat you good.
    grammawjo

    Answer by grammawjo at 2:49 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

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