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3 Bumps

when wil my SO and I be best friends already??

Okay, so I know the question sounds somewhat ridiculous, but here's the backdrop...my SO didn't find out about our daughter until she was 20 months old(we met in a club, hooked up a few times, then I lost all his contact info..crazy, I know). When he found out about her, he instantly became an incredible Dad and a relationship between us soon followed- with moving in together as well. Its been about a year- we've had our ups and downs but we both do love each other. BUT its weird because I don't feel like we are best friends yet..I mean I trust him, and know I can tell him anything, but sometimes we just aren't on the same 'page'. He's seven years older than me which helps and hurts us sometimes. Anyway my point is how will I know when we're truly best friends? Or when did you know? Or how do I tell him I want to be closer, on a deeper level? Thx!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I don't think she said "I do" yet.

    OP, I think that it sounds like he's your best friend. You rely on each other, trust each other, love each other. I'm sure when something good or bad happens, you're both the first one the other tells about it. Do you lean on each other when needed? If you do these things, he's your lover and your best friend.

    If you feel you want a deeper intimacy though, then just talk to him about it and tell him your thoughts.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 3:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • What makes you feel like he isn't? You said you can talk to him about anything. What is missing? Are you comparing it to past relationships with men or with women?
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 2:43 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • wearing crown      The strongest of all warriors are these two—Time and Patience. Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)  

    QueenAdeela

    Answer by QueenAdeela at 2:52 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I would have a talk with him....tell him how you feel...y do u feel like he isnt your best friend?
    suhweetness

    Answer by suhweetness at 2:41 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • it takes time. Not the answer you wanted I'm sure - but it takes time to get close if you don't have it immediately. Some people instantly click and they are almost instant best friends (my DH and I are like that), others take years to form that bond. It will happen :)
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 2:45 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I'm not sure - it's been a while since I was there in my relationship (married almost 20 years now) - but DH and I were best friends before we took a risk and changed our relationship to more than friends.

    I wanted to say that it's awesome that you found each other again and truly like each other still - I'm glad that you are able to make it work and that you truly want to have a deeper and lasting family :)
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 2:45 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I'm really not sure what you mean by best friends.. Maybe you are and just don't know it.. Best friends fight sometimes too and sometimes they are not on the same "page" either.. You are both individuals so you will each bring something to the relationship..
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 2:52 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I lagree with queenadeela's answer.
    iluvmybabe

    Answer by iluvmybabe at 3:19 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • It'll come. I didn't feel like my husband was my best friend until the past couple of years, I always loved him and liked being with him but around year 7 or 8 (after several deployments mind you) I finally feel THAT way towards him and he feels it towards me.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 3:38 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Please know I do not say this to be mean/rude... but if he wasn't your best friend before you said "I do", how can you expect him to change, be something he's not, and expect him to be what he should have been before you both did things completely backwards?

    I ask you why you expect him to change, be something he isn't, and so forth because I was in a situation with my ex, where I had to ask the same thing! My ex unfortunately did drugs (probably still does for all I care), but I expected him to somehow change and be different beause we had a kid... I was asking himto be what I wanted instead of who/what he actually was. Thankfully I woke up to see the reality of what it all was before I made the mistake of marrying him, and in all honesty it would have been for the sake of the kid, which is wrong in its self...

    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 3:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

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