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4 Bumps

does the father have the right to see the child?

Okay, so I have this friend.... she had a very short relationship with this guy and got pregnant. Their son is now a year old and he has only seen him a few times and when he does its due to selfish acts (such as trying to impress his new girlfriend by giving her the impression he is a great dad) anyway, she is starting to think that it might be a good idea to not allow him to see his child because of the mind games but still allow him to pay her child support. Though money doesnt make a father and nothing justifies his horrible behavior I think this is a bad idea. I don't think a parent should be kept away from their child unless health is in danger (drug abuse, etc) but her other friends have talked her into it saying "its bad for the childs self esteem because they will wonder why daddy is only around a little" I however, growing up with a father in and out of my life believe that the door should remain open in case he ever decides to man up, that way when the child grows up they wont look at it as mommy kept me away from daddy but mommy gave him chances and he never took them.

Am I alone in this? What does everyone else seem to think?
I dont think this is right, self esteem problems my ass. I went through it as a child and it made me stronger but I cant speak from a mothers point of view only a daughters

Answer Question
 
FITmama2B

Asked by FITmama2B at 2:46 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,666 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • I would say so.
    chefjen

    Answer by chefjen at 2:47 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • you would say so what? you think its okay to keep the father from the child?
    FITmama2B

    Comment by FITmama2B (original poster) at 2:49 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I agree with you.
    LadySaphira

    Answer by LadySaphira at 2:50 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • It's wrong for her to keep him from his father. Unless a man is seriously abusive (which it doesn't sound like), or neglectful, there is no reason she should keep them apart. If she's not careful, she could find herself on the wrong end of a custody suit. Judges don't like interference with parenting time.

    As far as child support and visitation go - they are two separate issues and have nothing to do with each other.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 2:50 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I think everyone is different and what effects one's self esteem might not affect another. That said, I don't think much of a parent who thinks of their child only when it's of some value to him like making a new girlfriend think he's father of the year. Him flitting in and out of the child's life can't possibly feel good. I'm probably in the minority here as a lot of people post similar to you but I don't think sperm makes a dad. Actually giving a damn and being around does.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 2:51 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • honestly if he ever takes her to court she will have to let him see the child....anyway my mom kept us from our dad bc of his lifestyle choice and when i turned 18 i finally got a relationship with... my eldest dd's dad gets her every summer all summer long 12 hours away and i have to let her go he didnt see her or contact her for 9 years and finally decided to play dad....i tryied evrything with the judge telling him how abusive he was and all the drugs he did but bc i didnt have any proof of him doing any of that now I couldnt do anything about it....But I am like you if he not an awful guy then she needs to keep that door open so it want fall back on her later on....
    suhweetness

    Answer by suhweetness at 2:51 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Yes, the father has a right. I totally agree with you that she should leave the door open in case someday they want to start a relationship. She can't predict what will happen in the future. He may actually turn himself around and start being a more involved father.
    myree85

    Answer by myree85 at 2:52 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • well i have two children and both their dads are not really in their lives so much because of distance. However on the legal side of it, she by law can not keep the child from him, regardless if he is just out to impress his girlfriend. a child needs both parents in their lives for one reason or another.
    Teresa2266

    Answer by Teresa2266 at 2:52 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I think you 110 percent correct. Some women drive me crazy with the "well he better pay child support, but he ain't seeing this baby" shit. Unless there is a valid reason for a child to not see the father women need to think beyond themselves and their selfishness and realize they are impacting their child. A child should get the right to a mother and a father. If you slept with a man and were not married and get pregnant, then you should know you will have to let that dad be in the baby's life.
    sweetiepie8540

    Answer by sweetiepie8540 at 2:52 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • As stated above I am not one to justify his actions... do I think what he is doing is wrong? of course, but at the same time I do believe that this child should have the right to know his father, does he have to be close and call him dadda? no, but he should still know who he is... What about military families? men that are gone for a year at a time? their kids dont get to see them often but they are still entitled to knowing him.
    FITmama2B

    Comment by FITmama2B (original poster) at 2:55 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

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