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What to do when you dislike your son's girlfriend?

I just can't bring myself to like my son's girlfriend.

I have prayed about it, I have tried to be nice to her, I have expressed my concern and dislike. I have yelled, I have cried. I have even tried to just accept it (that lasts a few days).

He is only 16, and I know ~ this too shall pass. But this little girl has NO respect...she has cussed me out, she is a bully, she is rude, she is a trouble maker....and she keeps dragging my son into her messes. He knows she's wrong, but he thinks he can save her.....ugggg. Sadly, I've probably been the one that has taught him to see the good in others.

Have any of you been in this situation? If so, how did you handle it?

Answer Question
 
Ms.Cristi

Asked by Ms.Cristi at 3:03 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (91 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Really, the best thing to do is welcome her into your home like a long, lost daughter. One of two things will happen: you will see what he sees, or he will see what you see.

    And, you can keep an eye on them so they have less opportunity to be alone
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:06 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • NOTHING....you will just push them closer...like you said he is only 16 eventually he will see she is no good and leave her....as far as her cursing you out and such i would have to tell her politely that you are an adult and if she cant be respectfully in your presense she needs to stay away!!!!
    suhweetness

    Answer by suhweetness at 3:06 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Sounds like alot for a 16 yr old.
    Inform your son she is not allowed in your house at any time or to be with your family unit while at dinner or out somewhere.
    and be quiet about the rest ignoring her actions and his reactions to her.
    the attention you give the 2 of them will make it worse.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 3:07 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Be patient mom, at 16, this will die out sooner than you think, in the mean time play the role and give her a piece of your mind when she cusses you out, do not take crap from the twit!
    older

    Answer by older at 3:08 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Well, first of all, you can stop her from being allowed in your home, its your house and you have no right to be talked to like that. Second, do you think maybe your son is seeing her because he knows you dissaprove? Im not saying he's a bad kid or anything, but alot of teenagers do things just to piss their parents off, you even said he knows she wrong, and it might not be because he is trying to save her...Talk to him, ask him what he see's in her, ask him why he feels compelled to be with a girl who not only disrespects his family but himself as well. And if it is true, if he is truly trying to help her, being her boyfriend wont help her, it will keep even more distracted from what matters, like school work, and getting good grades. Tell him to be a friend by encouraging to do the right thing, but even better, allow her to take the fall for her own problems. He doesnt have to date everyone he saves, or follow them.
    Bobbysgurl

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 3:11 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • No, I have never been. Do not have any sons.
    But if I was. My sons girlfriend would not be allowed in my house. PERIOD. And I would tell him and her.
    The words GET OUT come to mind.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:12 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • How come your 16-year old has a girlfriend? He's too young to date because he's not anywhere close to getting married, and it's obvious he doesn't have good skills in choosing who his friends should be. I don't know where else he is seeing her, but he would not be bringing her to my house, and I would not be taking him anywhere else he could see her either. Nor would he be driving any vehicle anywhere to see her, assuming he has a driver's licence. It seems that you are going to have to exercise what control options that are available to you, up to and including taking away the phone he uses on which to talk to her. The only place he would have the opportunity to see her if he were my son would be at school. If he wanted to court her there, I guess there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. This sounds like a case of a boy being given too much freedom too soon and his having proved he wasn't ready for it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:14 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Thanks ladies....

    RKoloms....My heart needed to hear that...thanks.

    At first I thought he was doing it just to get back at me for something (and it was painful trying to figure out WHAT that was). My son and I have always been sooooo close. We did have a talk, both of us cried. And at one point he broke up with her because she "was with" two other boys. Yeah, that was painful to find out what "with" actually was. My son promises me with all that his is that they have not done that. But this little girl is so manipulative....I go to bed every night praying that God stays in my son's heart and head.

    I chuckle to think....I have 3 boys after him....I'm either going to learn a lot from this....or I'm in for a mess of heartache. Uggggg.
    Ms.Cristi

    Comment by Ms.Cristi (original poster) at 3:35 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • rkoloms said it best. The more you push, the more he will want to be with her. Accept her and get to know her, she may not have a good role model on how to act and your influence may change her harsh ways.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:53 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I couldn't believe your question. I am living the same thing but unfortunately mine has progressed to a terrible place. He tells me not to worry they will go their own ways and tells other they are going to run away and get married when they are old enough. I have forbidden them to see each other and she was supposed to move out west. I figured I would let this ride out but now she isn't leaving at all and it's a mess. He has had plans to go away into the military. She has been trying to change his mind to stay here and go to college nearby. If she gets pregnant he won't leave her. I'm sick to my stomach over this. She has interfered in all of his relationships. Life long friends he has had he doesn't speak to anymore. He has turned his back on his siblings. He admits she has issues and doesn't like her behavior, but he wants to SAVE HER. I'm afraid he will wake up with kids and he can't escape.
    MGinVT

    Answer by MGinVT at 7:46 AM on Aug. 15, 2013

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