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Does anyone have trouble connecting with AFamily?

I feel like a black sheep. I have never in my life been able to connect on an emotional level with my adoptive mother or any female for that matter and I don't know why since I was adopted at birth. Is this abnormal?


Asked by Penguin88 at 4:41 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Adoption

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Answers (7)
  • No, don't think it is unusual at all. I know many adult adoptees who were adopted at birth who feel the same way as you do.

    It is easier for many to blame it all on what terrible things the birth parents must have done. But, the fact is, some adopted children just never do seem to fit into the families they end up with.

    Answer by Southernroots at 6:19 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I know adoption even at birth is considered a major psychic wound to the child...that separation. I have a friend who tried to adopt for years and I couldn't understand what I perceived as harsh treatment of the baby when she finally arrived. Then in a conversation, she mentioned her resentment toward her ex whom she divorced right before the adoption was finalized, and I believe those feelings were being directed toward the baby without her realizing it. Even a woman's sense of failure she may harbour for not having been able to conceive could interfere with bonding, circumstances that have nothing to do with the baby, but that unfortunately the baby suffers for. And babies absorb energy and emotions with suck intensity as we have nothing else to sommunicate with at that age. Maybe your mom was going through a problem with herself at the time that she wouldn't dream could affect you, especially if you were so wanted.

    Answer by Pumamama at 5:01 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Nope, adopted at 6 days. But thanks for the tip though

    Comment by Penguin88 (original poster) at 4:47 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I am adopted but I was when I was born, there are some female memebers in my family tha I can not connect with at all but my Mom(adopted) and I are like best friends...if you want to talk let me know

    Answer by Lyndsey250 at 4:47 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I'm going to continue my answer...there is literature and must be counselors who specialize in the considerations of adoptive children you can seek out. Babies absorb emotions and energies because that's our only means of communication at that age and you may have picked up on things that had nothing to do with you but that you unfortunately suffered from.

    Answer by Pumamama at 5:06 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • It's neither abnormal nor common. Some adoptees are able to assimilate into their adoptive family, and some aren't.

    Answer by onethentwins at 6:16 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Maybe it was because of what happened to you before you were adopted. if you were adopted when you were older than two there was a chance that you may not have been properly stimulated in your brain in the caring for area. if you are not stimulated to care you may never learn to. Its just something they are finding out with kids that are neglected and such. I have no idea if this is what happened to you but it is something I have learned a little about.

    Answer by dragonqueen at 4:45 PM on Feb. 2, 2011