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Do you ever feel forgotten or not important as a SAHM

I recently went from working/going to college full time, taking care of my family all while being preg to being a SAHM waiting on the next semester to start. I have worked so long that now that I don't work I feel like none of the money coming in the house is "mine" or partially mine. I feel guilty asking for things I want (like getting my hair cut) and a nice new maternity shirt when money is tight. what little money I get I end up spending on my son or the baby on the way. Not to mention I feel so unappreciated some days. Like today when my ds who is 3 1/2 decided to "accidentally" drop the dinne I made him on the floor bc he said he wasn't hungry. I am just not adjusting well.

 
Anubis8733

Asked by Anubis8733 at 9:43 PM on Jul. 7, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • I feel that way too!! I spend the extra on the kids or something that they can do. I always feel guilty if I do something for myself also. My DH doesn't mind me doing things for myself, he actually is glad that I do. It is just my guilt that gets in the way...lol
    It is fine to get things for yourself cause you have a 24/7 365 a year job- there are no Vacations, days off or sick days. Hope your day is great!
    Nakor21

    Answer by Nakor21 at 1:54 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • I totally relate, though I don't know if that is really an answer the issue itself. But I can share with you that I felt relief reading your question because I feel so unappreciated and almost like I don't know how to put a value on my role even though logically I understand that it is priceless to be responsible for another human being (in my case 2, a 2 yr old and a 6 month old - both girls). I hate asking for money, I feel like I used to be a strong, courageous, self sufficient woman. Then I met and married a great man and had the kids I always dreamed of. Now, I am submissive becuase I feel like he is in control of everything and I think it is mostly becuase he makes all the money. I have tried so hard to work thru this but I still have a hard time with it. I wish I had a suggestion but I at least wanted to send you a note to say I completely understand and feel the same way!
    Rosem5303

    Answer by Rosem5303 at 10:07 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Um, are you me? OK, I know you aren't but seriously. I have been with my DH for almost 6.5 years and up until 9 months ago I have been the breadwinner...I have worked overtime every week and went to school full time. I was always in control of all money while he has too much of a temper to hold down a job. He has had the same job for almost a year now, but since the birth of our son 8 months ago....I mostly stay at home. I work 2 days a week at my parents restaurant to get me out of the house and give me a break. But my DH and I constantly have arguments because I feel so underappreciated and neglected. When he gets off work he stays at his friends until 5 in the am and then comes home and sleeps from 7am until 2pm and then leaves for work at 3pm. While I get up at 7:30 every morning and stay awake until about midnight with our son. You are not alone....I just talked to my DH yesterday about how unimportant and forgotten I feel
    trentntats

    Answer by trentntats at 10:16 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Been there honey. Ok. First, think of being that stay at home mom as your job because that is what it is. You get paid but not with money and a lot of times without recognition. There is no job out there harder than being a stay at home mom. Your job is to manage your own team, you are an at home executive. The accountant, the mediator, the cleaning crew, the chef, the entertainment director, and much more. Serve your family. The rewards may not be money but you get lots of I love you's, hugs, kisses, and pictures of knights on white horses that look like blobs of goo. If after a while you really can't take it, get a part time job of your own like selling Tupperware or something. That gives you the recognition that you lack sometimes. I did it for a while and loved it. I have 5 kids all under 12 and stay at home. I also am getting ready to return to school online. Hope this helps.
    godservant

    Answer by godservant at 10:29 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • oh dear you asked a ? that many many women can relate too,i've been with my dh for almost 20 yrs. it dosen't get better i can tell you, in my case i have been at the bottem of the totem pole for so long i don't ask anyone anything if i see something i want & we have the money i get it! end of it,so does he,yes he earns the money but he comes home everyday to a clean home,clean clothes home cooked meals & more,< we deserve it >
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Jul. 7, 2008