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Trying to adopt, agency giving us problems

Background: My husband and I are trying to adopt but they agency is giving us a really hard time. We are trying to figure out what is going on.As far as what they've told us, we've been the most prepared people theyve seen come thru. We have done our classes and EACH and EVERY aspect of our background check, financial, etc came back perfect. We are at a decent age to adopt, I am adopted myself so I understand. We both have decent stable jobs. We own our house. We have a room completely ready for a child. But they keep going back and forth between yes we're approved and no we're not. Every time we've asked them whats going on,we get different answers, backtrack or the policies "have just changed".(mind you we've kept emails and recorded phone calls) We are in a place where there are not a lot of white people(which we are) in the us and we are not prejudice at all in any way shape or form, we just weren't brought up that way.. but over the last few weeks several of our local friends, amongst others, have said maybe its because we're white. I have argued several times that, that can't possibly be it, but after jumping hoop after hoop and getting no where, we are starting to wonder. Out of all our friends, family, attourney, and adoption hotline, no one can understand why we're not licensed yet.....

The Question is: Is this a real possibility and if so, how are we going to prove it? Please absolutely no bashing. Please remember we are not prejudice. We have our hearts fully into this and would like info/ideas if anyone has it..........if anyone has had experience with the same thing, please let us know?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • i would think that your attorney should look into this more. sounds to me like they are one of those agencies that like to take money but not give you the license. and i would try and find out what other things they could possibly want.

    Answer by laura970 at 9:47 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • they've told us if we adopt inside the state, there wouldn't be a charge for our home study....we are going thru the state, not a private agency.....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:49 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • i don't have an answer for you... But, i know how you feel. I wanted to adopt/ foster and went through that 'journey' of paper work, financial records, home study, parenting classes, etc... I got a years worth of work done in under 4 months. and in the end - i got declined. Did they even contact any of my references? Nope. All of my references know the type of person i am, and how much i wanted children.
    Why was it i got declined to adopt? - i was never given the same answer. but, here's a list of my favorites... 1.) " your husband died at the age of 26. you have un resolved issues with his death."
    2.) " you and your mother have un resolved issues. you need to enter into some serious 'family therapy' with your mom." -- mind you, my mom lives in minnesota. i live in texas. we have never gotten along. she is very critical of me, and i never seem to be able to live up to her expectations - especially since she and my dad

    Answer by hanniwrencher at 9:50 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • wow.........sounds almost like us..........we've gotten some weird reasons too......makes no sense. we did all the paperwork in a short amount of time too......

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:55 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • (continued...) divorced when i was younger. and when the judge asked me who i wanted to live with, i told them my dad. my mom has never forgiven me for that... (how are we supposed to do 'family therapy' with me in another state? and my mom being unwilling to admit to her faults, and just continuing to say it's all my fault? )
    3.) " you still have contact with your late husband's family. there's something not right with that. obviously you haven't made closure with his death." -- yes my 1st husband died, he had a massive blood clot to the lung that killed him, we had been married for 6 years, and dated for 6 years before that. i didn't realize that when my husband died, that i was to stop being an 'aunt' to my 3 nephews, and 3 nieces, just because he died. or that i was to stop having contact with my 3 sisters (sil's) - but, they're my sisters.-- sorry no one told me that... or my mom and dad (mil & fil) - again i missed that

    Answer by hanniwrencher at 9:56 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • (continued...) but, my favorite reason was 4.) "some one called our hot line and told us you are not responsible, you are not financially responsible, you're in debit, you owe money for bills, etc... and you're not reliable, and you're not even to be trusted with kids, etc... - i mean the list went on and on, and on..." - i asked them who in the world did that and they had no reason for saying anything like that. and they said the person didn't leave their name it was an annonymous caller.
    i work with kids. i teach music lessons with adults and kids. my youngest student is 5 years old, my oldest is 92. so i know they don't know what they were talking about there, not only that, i have 10 amazing and beautiful god children who will tell you i'm good with them.
    so then the agency and the state had me do over 200 hours of volunteer time at a shelter with abused kids, so they could get a reference for me. did they contact the

    Answer by hanniwrencher at 10:03 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • (continued) shelter for a reference for me? -- nope... and the shelter said i did amazing and they don't know why i'm not allowed to adopt.
    i jumped through hoops and still got no where, both with a private agency and the state.
    but, here it is 5 years later... and i have 5 wonderful kids (3 are bonus kids, and 2 are mine...- they range in age from 17 years all the way to 10 months old) - i have re married - almost 3 years ago, to an amazing man... and by the way, my relationship with my mom is still 'strained', and i still see my sisters and my nieces, and nephews quite regularly... if you want to, feel free to pm me, and i'll give you my e mail. i could tell you more about my ordeal about trying to adopt...
    so, just to let you know, i understand what you're going through...

    Answer by hanniwrencher at 10:10 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Wow! That's crazy! I've never adopted or gone through any of this, but I wonder if someone just doesn't like you for some reason. We have some friends who after 10 years of infertility had 1 child, then they tried to adopt. They are a great family, the mom is a peditrician. But for whatever reason someone interviewing them really didn't like them and got their 2 year old daughter at the time to say that they beat her. So that was it, they were declined because they beat children. Now don't think if they really believed she beat her child that they would do something to take the child away? Because they never did anything about this supposedly abused child, never investigated them or anything. It's just so weird, the only explenation is that they didn't like them. Almost like if you're too perfect they don't trust you or something.

    Answer by mybella81 at 10:14 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaats where we're stuck. one of the people from the agency actually told someone we know that " i looked at her wrong"....can anyone explain this to me?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:04 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • also, we are still stuck as far as the racial thing? we can't think of anything else............................ ;(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:05 PM on Feb. 2, 2011