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Mother In-Law...WHAT TO DO?

Me and my husband just got married 2wks ago. His mother is, in lack of a better word, going crazy! I really can't explain her personality(its hard 4 anyone). In my opinion she does not respect her son and his choices, nags him, tells him what he should do, etc. He loves her, but can't really stand to be around her for too long. She blames me 4 all probs and if anything good happens I need to do more, etc. Finally today he had a blow out fight with her and told me not to speak with her again! That he is done with her!?... Now me and MY MOM are close and I want the same for my husband and his mom. But she thinks I AM the reason he doesn't want to be around her. I feel like I should have not married him sometimes b/cuz I came between him and his mom. But I knw he is really hurt and feels abandoned because he can't have a normal relationship with her. I don't knw what to do!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Feb. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • idk what to tell her, i know s couple that ishaving the same problems but the wife IS THE REASON he isnt close with anyone in his family and she will NEVER admit that.

    not saying that is u, but theres many sides to a story

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Respect his decision and don't try to make him and his mom in to you and your mom.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:53 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Listen, you're not the reason for their problems. She clearly has a stick up here rear regardless and you're just her new target. I think that you need to understand that now and know that if they're going to have problems it'll happen with you there or not. Even if the issues started when you got married it's not your fault. His mother is the one who's generating the heat and is clearly hell bent on making a big drama out of whatever she can. I would request that you and DH sit back and let everyone calm down for a while. If he wants to go back and handle the situation again then so be it. Either way, this is between him and his mom and since he's an adult he can pretty much decide what's best for him. Sure, it'd be nice for him to have a nice relationship with his mom, but if that can't happen then that can't happen.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:53 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • IMHO he's a grown man, his family is no longer his mother it is you. A good relationship although great with your mother is not necessary to be happy. Follow his wishes, stop talking to her, and let him hold the reigns, it's his mom, he knows how to deal with her. You know you aren't coming in between them, and she may feel like you are just because you married him, some moms are weird like that. Good Luck

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:53 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Be glad he stands up to his mom instead of being a sissy boy.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 10:53 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • Back off for a while. Be nice if she contacts you, even if you have to bite your tongue to do it. Do all you can to cure this rift.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:54 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • I think if you hold your tongue and are supportive and encouraging your husband will heal things with his mother if that is what's best. Not everyone can/should have great relationships with their parents.

    Answer by misses_nick at 11:54 PM on Feb. 2, 2011

  • It sounds like his mother has always been critical of him no matter what he did. He married you, and that was his choice to make not hers. I know it hurts to him hurting, but there's not much you can do as far as them getting a better relationship. They will have to do it on their own. Let them work it out and be sure not to put yourself into the middle of things.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:29 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You guys are right. I am sad that it has to be this way, but I had nothing to do with their relationship. I love him and I am going to be supportive. Out of respect and love I have endured her words and actions but I am Mrs. Hislastname now, she has to respect our union or move aside. I am his wife and I stand by his decision, but will continue to pray for her to see the error in her ways.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:19 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • My dh and his mother have always had an on again/off again relationship. I know it's hard for him and he tries to act like he doesn't care, but I know he does. And what was so bad was the other night my 3 year old and my dh were arguing over me (my mommy, no mine) and my 3 year old said she's mine, (pointing to my mom) said she's her mommy and daddy you, you don't have a mommy, as he hasn't seen her since he was a year old and doesn't know her. I felt horrible for my dh! But it's between them and nothing I can do. Hopefully in time things will work out. (BTW his mom is super critical of him and of me, it's a personality type I suppose).

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 4:00 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

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