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how do you explain to a 5 yr old whom i have been raising since he was 16 months old that i am not his mommy

i have been raising my grandson since he was 16 months old, his mother (my daughter) is an alcoholic and has been in several programs for 31/2 yrs) she has recently had 2 other children by 2 different men none of which are his father, the father( a player) has had several other children with different women as well, anyway this child has a right to be in a stable and loving home which i have given him, he is my world lately he has been calling me mommy yet i am grandma and i tell him that i am when he askes who his parents are i tell him and he says no you and grandpa are my parents we are a family, it saddens me that a child whose parents gave him up do nothing to get him back i understand that there are programs to go through for the parents but taking 3yrs or more is a little to long, a child will not remember much after they are 4 yrs old i know because i came from a family that was broken up when i was 4 and i didn't remember much of my Mom growing up i want my grandson to know that what i did was for him not me nor his parents

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grandmahelen

Asked by grandmahelen at 12:04 AM on Feb. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Do you think she's ever going to take him back? If not, then maybe there's no harm in telling him, "I am really your grandmother, but you can call me Mama (first name or nick for it) and grandpa, Papa (first name or nick for it.). ..Poor kid.
    LostTheSlipper

    Answer by LostTheSlipper at 12:08 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I think he understands too well the difference between a biological mother and a mommy. I agree wth LostTheSlipper.
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 12:09 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • you rock the world needs more people like you! I hope everything works out for you all!

    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 12:11 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I would let him call you whatever he feels comfortable with. I lived with my grandparents but still called them grandma and grandpa even thought they were my parents. It was just comfortable for me. Btw, it feels awkward calling my mother "mom". Seems like you're in a tough situation. Just go with the flow - he'll lead the way.

    banana-bear

    Answer by banana-bear at 12:11 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i tell him that i am grandma but in his mind i am mom the one that is there for him the one that takes care of him and see's to his needs he will always be my little man whom i gave up so much for just to see that he was safe and loved like he needs to be
    grandmahelen

    Comment by grandmahelen (original poster) at 12:13 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I say let him call you mom ♥

    banana-bear

    Answer by banana-bear at 12:15 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • He knows, but it does not need to be stressed. Let him do what is comfortable for him. Life is not easy and you are the one that is there and caring to him you are his mom. You are being a mom.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:18 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Does he still see his real mother, if so, how often does she see him? Does she still consider herself his mother? You've had this child in your home for most of his life He doesn't really know any different. I would ask your daughter if she thinks she will ever take him back, but not in front of the child. If she has no intentions, find out what you can do to legally become his parents. If she has two other kids, it's seems to me that she's doesn't really consider that an option. See what you can do to become his legal parents.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:18 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • he hasn't seen his mother since he was 4 ( it was since he was 21/2 before that) she came for his birthday with his sister whom was 8 months old at the time and mommy was pregnant with 2nd sister( also livng with an abusive man) he didn't understand why he couldn't go home with her when she left, it was months after she left that he started losing his hair due to Alepechia Areata (caused by stress) according to the dr, he is now on medication to help with the hair growth a lot of blood work and dr visits
    grandmahelen

    Comment by grandmahelen (original poster) at 12:27 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You are doing the right thing. I knw it may seem weird at first, but he's calling you mama because you ARE his mother. Mothers nurture, protect, care, fulfill and love no matter what. You are doing all those things and more. Thank Heavens he can feel secure with you and that is what he cares most about. Pray for your daughter and her situation. When he gets older you can fully explain the situation, but until than feel honored he sees you that way.... grand"mama"
    novice2008

    Answer by novice2008 at 12:32 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

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