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2 Bumps

What should I have done? adult content

I was ONCE seriously sexually assaulted by my uncle. I was 12 and he was 21. He intimately and for atleast 10 minutes fondled my vulva and vagina. He was carrying me on his back and supporting me by leaning forward and holding my bottom. I had a dress on.

I didn't know what to say or do, neither did he say anything but laugh a bit once he stopped. My mother and his mother (my grandmother) were in the next room. I grew up afraid of my mother and her tempered, so I would never have confided in her on anything anyway. [My relationship with my own children is very very close, thankfully!]

I still to this day (30 years later) feel shamed and disgusted and feel so aggressive toward my uncle if I can't avoid seeing him. Yet, I act perfectly fine and well and say nothing when I do. But his treatment of me has corrupted my sexual feelings and experiences ever since.

What should I have done all those years ago? What should I do now (if anything), knowing he has a grown family (including 3 girls) who all love me very much?

Thank you all who read and/or reply.

Just trying to get opinions and advice to help me pass this yet again.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:53 AM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • There really was nothing you could have done to prevent it. You should have told a trusted adult, but I understand why you didn't. You need to confront him about it imo. Let him know that you know what he did. He'll most likely deny it, but the point is to get it out there so that you can hopefully move on.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 5:59 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You did nothing wrong, but I know that doesn't prevent those feelings. Have you tried talking to a counselor? It could help you work through what your feeling and to help you decide the best course of action for you to take in regards to your uncle.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:13 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • My father also molested me, and even to this day when he might cross my mind for one reason or another, and I would feel sooo sick and I would start to have an anxiety attack. When I left, he moved to Iowa and I moved in to another part of the city and didn't leave a forwarding address. Several yrs go by and I thought it was over, hoped and prayed that a F-5 tornado picked him up and threw him into hell. One day a week before x-mas and my daughter was only 2 months old, a knock on the door and my DH opened it, and he sees my father there, and then I heard his voice, I just about dropped my daughter cause I was shaking so bad, had the worst panic attack I have ever experianced, and managed to get to the bathroom in time and threw up. I know this isn't exactly any advice for ya, but I thought that u should know you are not alone, and tell yourself over and over, u made it thru last time, and u will do it again this time.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 6:24 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I wasnt molested by family, but I have been raped, so I do know how you feel, IMO you should confront him when you are ready, dont force yourself to do anything your not ready to do.
    AshleyGrantham

    Answer by AshleyGrantham at 6:36 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I was 12 when my grandfather fondled me and would take my hand and put it to his genitals. He had a history of molesting his step daughter and instead of filing charges she took a payoff for a boob job. My father never took precautions at all b/c he never believed he would do it to me. I kept it secret for year and year and to this day. I never allowed him to be alone around my girls. He died over 2 years ago and when he died I let it got
    huntin_mama

    Answer by huntin_mama at 12:00 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • There's nothing you "should have" done as a child- what you did was completely normal and it's very unfortunate, but most children don't even confide in their mothers about those things. My dad's best friend molested both my sister and I, as children, and even though we were close to our parents- we were terrified to tell anyone, so we would just find excuses to leave the house when he visited (when we were older). Anyway, this led to an array of sexual issues and I do believe even had some influence in the horrible relationship I entered where I was raped (by my ex husband)...after that happened I decided I refused to be quiet, and actually took my ex to court, through trial, and testifying sucked- but got him in jail. My point is the only way to move on or get through it is to truly "deal" with and expose it- even if it's just a therapist. it's hard, I still wake up w/ nightmares- but therapy has helped.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:43 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

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