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2 Bumps

Wondering if my s/o loves me....(long)

My s/o and I have been together for almost five months. He knows I love him, I told him this past weekend, though he did not say it back I didn't expect him to and he didn't bolt. Sometimes I think he may love me, but not at all sure. He seems to stick it out with me, we have had two disagreements, one being stupid on my part and he acts like nothing was said and continues on with me. I told him I love him, he didn't bolt and is still around. So I am thinking this is a good sign and wondering if I am right?? I know he has been really burned. One being he ex abandoned his children and him came back several years later a took their children back through the courts. Another, a girl used him to the point of being engaged to get her ex boyfriend back, when she got the ex back she took off and left him. So I am figuring he is having a hard time trusting anyone. He words to me when we talked after I told him I loved him was "I have spent the past 15 years getting attached and then it all seems to vansish," then he held me tight for the longest time. He gets wishy washy with stuff and it can even be the point of us making plans, and it isn't just with me it is with everyone.
Sometimes I really just don't know what to think.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Well, Its only been 5mnths.. I feel at this point u should'nt even be stressing the issue of love. Especially 4 to someone who has been in situations as ur S.O. Y dnt u jus enjoy the relationship 4 what it is now & be happy within that moment.. Ur gonna have take it slow.. particular with this guy (given the situation)
    tiamesmer

    Answer by tiamesmer at 8:34 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • In my opinion, just because he hasn't said the words " I love you" might not mean he doesn't feel it..As you said, he has been burned before, so naturally his "guard" may be up because he doesn't want to be hurt again. Sometimes people just throw the "I love you" around because it's what's "right" to say and not really mean it...That could of been his situation, so he's protecting himself and that's nothing at all against you. When he's ready I'm sure he'll tell you.
    virgo550

    Answer by virgo550 at 8:35 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i think he just doesnt want to say it until you two have decided on a commitment, like marriage. 15 years of that crap he had to go through and even i made a mistake and created feelings for someone who just thought i was a destination/piece of a$$, i didnt know it until he realized he wasnt going to get to me anytime soon, now i have learned my lesson as your S/o did and have been very careful and wont put my gaurd down so easily.

    He still is with you and stuck on you because he does have feelings for you but he doesnt want to promise something that may not last and he is scared of letting himself go and putting his gaurd down for you.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 8:37 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I am NOT "stressing" love in a bad way and I told him because that is exactly what I feel for him. I have known him since I was 9 so it isn't like we are strangers. I know his situtation well, so yes I do believe he will slow to commit. People "stress" (as you put it) love when they feel it.....didn't think love had a time limit.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:40 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I know when people have been burned they react different ways.....I know some take it more slowly than others. I have been quit burned myself in the past 10 years and divorced a man five years ago that told me "he was never in love with me when he married me, he just thought he was doing the right thing" because we had a child together, and he proceeded to have two more with me and told me "he loved me" all those years. Point being, I know somewhat of how he is feeling I have been burned as well so I know about being cautious.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:44 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i would give any relationship about 6 mo if it's not going to move foward from that point i'd move on.. no need to get to attached to something that will just fall apart. as for him idk what to say, just dont put yourself on hold for someone who will not commit and does not appreciate you and tell you apart from other women he's been hurt by. best of luck
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 8:46 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Well I am not one to say it will or won't fall apart but I have told him " I hope everyone elses wrong doing won't be my price to pay, because it isn't fair to me." Not sure if I should have said it to him or not, but I do mean it and I am sticking to it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:50 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • It has not been very long, just let it happen gently. My cousins hubby was cheated on in his first marriage. They have been married for 7 years and to this day she says she still thinks some days he is surprised to come home and find things "normal." It seems like he does love you, give him time to continue processing and just be there for him and with him.
    parajumper3

    Answer by parajumper3 at 8:52 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • That's all my I want myself is NORMAL and that is what I have told him. I try to be cheerful happy and consistant with it, because neither of us like any of the arguing we had to put up with in the past. IF he is willing, I would love to show him what "normal" is :)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:56 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I know you want normal but considering his past with women, it will take a lot of hard work and comittment on your part, effort on his to get to the point of "normal". He's been hurt and to trust someone just because they say, "I love You" is hard for him. Give him a little slack and if this is the man you want to be with, be patient with him...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:08 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

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