My fiancees parents are...well we will call them special. They do things entirely different than anyone I have ever seen and I see the way they are with my son and it scares me to know they raised 2 kids. I have to be in super control mode when they are around as they have dropped my son, they have put him to nap on a queen sized high off the ground bed thinking he wouldnt roll off, fed him nuts and fruit snacks when he doesnt even have teeth, etc! Basically when they are around I have to work harder at being a mom than I do when they arent around because they are just clueless. My finacee is aware of this and he helps me out with this too. He has even tried to talk to them about the way they are with our son compared to the way we want them to be and they still dont get it. Keeping them away is NOT an option, or threatning to keep them away if they dont follow our lead is also NOT an option. I have built up so much anger towards them because of this that even when they do something right I still feel like I hate them. They try so hard to be the dominant grandparents in our sons life when in reality he has several other sets of grandparents who also want to see him and who are better with him than they are. They find ways to show up at our house or to buy tickets to an event anything they can to keep us with them and nobody else. My finacee has become better about this and turns them away at times and tells them bluntly how it is at times but they are still his parents who he adores soooo much that he wont cut them out. If it were me, and those were my parents doing those things I wouldnt want that kind of behavior in my childs life and I would cut them loose until things improved. That however unfortunately isnt an option. Has anyone had any simialr experiences and how have you dealt with it? They want to be the grandparents that hold him against his will and make him cry until I go get him and take him over to my lap and hold him, they want to hold him all day long and not let him go to be fed, changed, or to nap so I have to always go intervene and take him away from them to do these things and they get all bent out of shape. They make rude comments to me when my fiancee isnt around about not seeing me bond with my son and I have commented back that it is hard to bond with him when someone is manipulating his every move and holding him against his will and I have commented that we do bond and it shows very clearly when I have to go pick him out of their lap and he clings to me and hugs and kisses me and is finally happy when hes away from them. That however unfortunately isnt an option. Has anyone had any simialr experiences and how have you dealt with it? Basically what a typical day looks like with them is me sitting feet away from them taking my son as he cries and or needs something and stopping them from feeding him random things or putting him random places. A friend of mine is going through an exact same situation and both of us are looking for advice beyond the standard communication and cutting the grandparents loose because those two things arent going to happen. The communication is ongoing but our financees love their parents and their parents are both numb so nothing sinks in.
Answer by khedy at 11:27 AM on Feb. 3, 2011
Answer by ohwrite at 10:50 AM on Feb. 3, 2011
Answer by ohwrite at 11:00 AM on Feb. 3, 2011
Answer by lfseashark at 11:13 AM on Feb. 3, 2011
Answer by khedy at 11:15 AM on Feb. 3, 2011
Answer by ohwrite at 10:47 AM on Feb. 3, 2011