Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

MIL and her gossip

If you found out the your MIL was talking badly about you behind your back, because one of their friends slipped up and said some of the stuff she mentioned to them. Then another individuals confirmed that she has been doing this for quite sometime making rude comments about: not be able to attend certain events because you already have other family plans, joking about my adoption choice made during my teen years, and belittling me as a mother because of my PPD after their first grandchild.

She will try to act all chummy to my face which at first I thought was guiune, until She started talking bad about me to my husband. When confronted she says that we misunderstood and that she has not been making these comments. Which I know is a lie since other people would not know this information unless she told them. So there seems to be no way to settle this gossiping way and get back to a somewhat trust worthy relationship with them.

Should I limit the time that she spends with her my DD, because I am not sure what comments she will be making to her while they are together. Any suggestions on how to proceed with situation?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • certainly limit time with dd. i wouldnt allow her alone with the child. she could come over to visit. i would tell her that she has lost my trust, and that until she can earn it back, which will take a long time, that she isnt allowed to know anything about my life. she can still talk to dh, but not ask about me, she can still see dd, but not be alone with her (because her character is too questionable.) and yes i would say that all to her face.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 11:13 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • At this point I probably wouldn't have my child alone with MIL. The last thing any child needs is grandma to talk bad about their mother around them. What does your husband say? Does he stick up for her or tell his mother the gossiping needs to stop?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • It sounds like you are describing my MIL. I have limited my children's time with her because, yes, she was saying the same hateful lies around them. I would advise you to do the same. Good luck.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:14 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You have just described exactly why my children never went on overnights with my MIL. I limited her time with them because she was caught once talking trash about me to my SON. No way did she get a chance to do it again.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:15 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • My mil did similar and I did limit the time with our youngest, but I was wrong for it. My dd was being punished and denied a relationship with her grandmother because of stupid immature BS on her grandmas part and on my knee jerk reaction to it. I had my husband end up talking to my mil. He told her that she needed to stop, and he didnt care if she wanted to deny what she said, as far as we were concerned it was true. And that was what mattered to us. She did apologize, and has not said anymore about us to anyone since. She does tell my dd things like you should tell your mom to mop more, or whatever. Mind you I mop everyday. I told my dd to tell her to mind her own business. My dd did and I have never heard anything else.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:16 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Limit your kids time with her.
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 11:17 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You MIL sounds like my SIL, I'd limit time around her or be done all together, people who talk badly about other people when they themselves live in glass houses really annoys me, It is childish and usually revolves around some jealousy. talk to your DH and have him have a talk with her if it doesn't stop then stop all contact with her.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 11:20 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Do we have the same mil? lol
    Shanadb75

    Answer by Shanadb75 at 11:32 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • wow that really sucks! Just be very upfront and frank: "I know what you've said, I know who've you said it to, I know you probably won't stop. I can't trust you to not say inappropriate things to my daughter. You can visit her in our home, but that is all. I am sorry that you feel you have to be like this. I hope things will change, but for the welfare of my family, this is the way it must be now." If she can't abide by that, it's her choice not yours. Good luck.
    derosia_mama

    Answer by derosia_mama at 12:12 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • My DH feels caught in the middle and is aware of their comments. He does seem to stick up for me more than before and doesnot let them go totally free of this behavior.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:17 AM on Feb. 3, 2011