Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I wrong for being upset?

I have recently started an inhome daycare and it feels like I never get to go out and do anything. So tonight my DH got his mom to keep our son and he promised we were going to go out on a date. So I got dressed up and all ready to go and there he sat in his yucky clothes that he had worn all day. I asked if he was going to change and he said there was no need. So we went to dinner, no where nice, and came home. So now he's been asleep on the couch for a couple hours and here I I wrong to be upset?

Answer Question

Asked by Denise859 at 11:44 PM on Nov. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Level 5 (74 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You have to tell him what you want. Men cannot guess! And they certainly do not think like women. Don't be too hard on him. He has NO IDEA that you were expecting something more special. Go ahead and plan your next date night with him and let him know what the plan is and lay out the clothes. You'll have a great time!

    Answer by hopelessnance at 11:48 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • well i guess that depends on what you were expecting. did he promise a nice dinner and a evening out or just that you would go out? I guess i would be a tab upset to but i married the most un-romantic guy there is lol so i think iv gotten use to it.

    Answer by Mommy2B04 at 11:49 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • No, you're not wrong to be upset. Did he make these plans last minute? If not, maybe you could remind him a few days before and the day of.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I can see why you would be upset when you are always at home and you only get alittle time away that is how I would feel too. Next time make it more clear that you want an entire day or however long to be out. Make suggestions on where to go because guys are not creative they will always just think dinner lol obviously since that benifits them. They don't understand you need time away because they can pretty much leave whenever. Good Luck :)

    Answer by Lizzie32390 at 11:55 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • No one is ever wrong for feeling upset. It's your actions that count.

    If I were you, I would calmly tell him how it made you feel. Tell him how you've been feeling "trapped" because you're always at home, and that you were really looking forward to going out and having a good time. Tell him your feelings were a little hurt. It's not a bad thing to let him know how you feel.

    That said...I agree with the first response...people (not just men, IMO) can not guess what you want or expect of them unless you tell them first. It's not that he blatantly disregarded your feelings; he simply didn't know.


    Answer by jessnpaulie1014 at 11:55 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I know exactly how you feel! I stay home with the kids and very very rarely get to go anywhere without them. So if we do plan to go out, if I don't say where I want to go, we end up going to one of dh's friends houses or something like that. Next time definately tell him what you would like to do... even though maybe he could have gotten the hint from how you were dressed! I would let him know how you're feeling and see how he responds, then next time plan the evening yourself.

    Answer by mom2XandZ at 1:10 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • To keep from being this disappointed again make sure to make plans for the entire evening, even pick the place to eat before hand. You deserved a better night out than this. Tell him if you had a crappy date like this before you got married you might not have gone out with him a second time!

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:25 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • well i have had the samething happen too. And i dont feel like i should have to tell him how to make me feel like a woman. we had a spat about it so we communicated and i told him what i expected on those very rare ocasions. and it didnt work. i feel like he just doesnt understand that our time alone is a celebration and not a chore.

    Answer by SGORIA at 3:27 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Sounds to me like you're a normal guy. He likely thought you'd just enjoy being able to eat a meal without being distracted with the kid/s. On the rare occassion we go out without our kids I miss them so much that I'm rushing thru to get back to them.
    Next time, do as the others said, you plan the event in your mind, and ask him if he's open to that, then lay out his clothes, and if you're up for it, soak him in the tub and bathe him by candle light, to get him in the mood for romance. He'll be anticipating the fireworks the whole evening.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:16 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • It is too bad that your special time fell through. :( He should have known better, but he didn't. So as the others have said, next time give him a little guidance. He should at least take a shower before you go out. Possibly he was very tired and just wasn't up for much. Positive reinforcement might help- tell him how much it meant for you to be alone with him and that you are looking forward to the next date.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:33 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.