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3 Bumps

How do I reach out?

My nephew came home from Iraq around about this time last year. He is 23yrs old, and love women. He went through some females in a short time period when he was home. One morning while checking out the hotel with one of his "girls" the front desk clerk caught his eye. They exchange numbers, started dating, got married three to four months later. Every since then he has been a good husband, and a father to her child. Our family welcome her and her daughter with open arms. The problem is the girl that he was with the day they checked out the hotel is pregnant and it is his(condom broke). The wife was upset about the whole situation but they worked it out. My nephew contacted the girl and told her she need to go through his wife if she need anything for the baby or herself. He did this to cut down confusion. The girl was real sweet and respectful about the situation didn't cause trouble or any thing. Well my great nephew was born two weeks ago and we just found out about it. When the baby was born the girl called the wife to inform her, well wifey didn't tell anyone(nephew is in another state getting ready to deploy). I don't know how he found out, but he did he called us to go check on the girl and the baby to make sure they didn't need anything. Since then the wife has been calling him screaming that she hate him and the whole family, and how we are trying to push her and her daughter in the background. She is basically jealous of the baby. I tried to contact her numerous time to let her know that we still love her and no one is trying to push her away but she want take any of may calls are text me back. What kind we(the family) do? Plus this is not healthy for my nephew right now, he needs to have a clear head when he leaves. Thanks ladies for the advise.

Answer Question
 
nicjon

Asked by nicjon at 11:43 AM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,698 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Stop calling. Drive over there and see her when she is likely to be home...think after her child is in bed. Take a little gift or token that will mean something to her, showing her that you do consider her your family and have a good talk.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 11:46 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • That's not healthy jealousy that's a sick obsession. I'd stay away from her and hope he moves on. She sounds very sick so she wont be reasonable and listen to you anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Sounds like she is the one with the issue. I would just send her a letter and explain you arent trying to make the baby be above her or her child, but that it is a new baby and obviously will get some attention. That you love her and her child, but also love the baby too. Explain you know the situation is difficult, most of all for her, but your nephew needs a clear head and you want as little drama for his sake as possible.
    After that its in her court. Sorry to say, if she cannot get over this she probably will end up divorced.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:46 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I don't know what you can do - this is between he and his wife. It's an unfortunate situation all the way around, it sounds like the wife is having a really hard time dealing with the baby. Maybe you can write her a letter, and put the ball back in her court? Best of luck to you!
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 11:47 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Well, someone needs to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with the wife! A little jealousy is okay, but she is going overboard! She needs to know that the new baby and the old girlfriend are going to be a part of your nephews life forever...they now have a common child together! I will keep you in my prayers and your family. God Bless!
    jenelle79

    Answer by jenelle79 at 11:50 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Going over might be the best bet, but be prepared for a door to be slammed in your face. It doesn't sound like she is ready to communicate. But don't stop trying. When it's family, you always continue to try. If she doesn't have her own support system, it could be why she is feeling so insucure, lashing out and shutting down. I wish you the best of luck.
    derosia_mama

    Answer by derosia_mama at 11:51 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Sadly I think that the biggest issue was having the girl go through his wife rather than having direct contact with her himself. That is neither here nor there because that is what was already done. Hopefully it is something that time will heal. The wife is upset that he is leaving and then on top of that he had a baby come into the world with someone else. That is a blow to anyone and she reacted badly. I would just leave her a note or stop in and talk to her and tell her that no one is pushing her to the back but a baby is always welcomed and your family is not going to pretend like the little one doesn't exist. She is innocent and deserves the love of an extended family. For goodness sake that is her little ones half sibling and they have a right to know each other and learn to love each other as well. So she is doing a disservice to both.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:53 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • This is such a mess and really it should be the two of them working it out. Yes he needs a clear head but not a free pass to make a mess and walk away. Before he deploys he needs to talk to her. Honestly, not to bash but she should have had an idea what was in his past considering he was checking out of a motel with this other girl when she met him. That is a giant red flag. Another one is he won't have any contact with the woman who had his baby and makes his wife do it. I don't think she should be screaming at everyone but wow, he does not look good here.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Wife didn't want him to have contact with the girl, that is why he told the girl to go through his wife. He is happy that is father to his child and his wife child. That is why the first agrument happen because he was excited about having a son.
    nicjon

    Comment by nicjon (original poster) at 11:59 AM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • The child is his as well and he should have contact with her not the wife. She should realize this is a baby and he is also responsible for the childs well being. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:04 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

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