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My future MIL said I am lazy for wanting to be a stay at home mom (mostly just a vent)

My fiance' had a falling out with his family almost a year ago (because they dont' want us to get married) and only talks to his mom once every couple of months. Well she called him last night and asked if I was planning on working when we got married. We have decided for me not to because I have a child from another relationship who is 4 and 1. for me to work, I would have to spend a lot of what I make on child care and 2. if I work I will lose close to half of the child support I am getting. We are planning on having another baby and we just don't think it will make sense for me to work. Between his paycheck and my child support, we have a compfortable income. Anyway, he told his mom all of this and she FLIPPED OUT. She said that I am so lazy and I just want to sit on my butt all day. He told her that this is our choice and if she wants to talk badly about me, she needs to not talk to him and he hung up. We already live together and i clean the house, cook dinner, do all the laundry and take care of my dd. Plus I also babysit my friends kids from time to time for extra money. Everyday my fiance' works, he goes to work with a great lunch (dinner kind of stuff), he clothes ironed and I make him breakfast. My fiance' doesn't do any housework or anything (not that I would expect him to) As an RN, he works 3 or 4, 14 hour shifts per week but the rest of the time he is home, when he is home, I do everything, and this is what I want to do. I take pride in having a clean home and taking good care of my family. I hardly ever sit down during the day, I just can't believe someone would call me lazy for wanting to do what's best for my family. I am a couple classes away from my AA degree and I am planning on finishing it so that when all our kids are in school, I can work as a substitute teacher and make a little extra money for us as I know children do get more expensive as they get older.


Asked by JLS2388 at 1:12 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Wow! Remember that there was a reason your DH stopped having much of a relationship with her and this is a prime example of that. YOU know what you do each day, as does your DH, and family. Those are the only opinions that matter and I'm guessing that none of them have any complaints. I think you should throw your arms around your man tonight and tell him that you love that he is REAL MAN for standing up to someone who was being evil. Then give him some hot lovin' as a little positive reinforcement for being a REAL MAN! Have fun! ;-)

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 2:24 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Aww mama, i'm sorry she is so unsupportive, but you have to do what is best for your family. I am a stay at home mom to four children ages 5 and under. I have an AA in Psychology, but I plan to go to school after the baby (4 months old) is a little older. It doesn't make sense for me to work right now since my paycheck would go to childcare. Why pay for it, when we are just fine with his paycheck? That was our discussion and inevitably decided that it would be smarter if I stayed home with them until they are a little older. Good luck mama!

    Answer by Love060708kids at 1:16 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You do whats best for you and your children NO ONE can tell you what to do! Go be strong dont listen to what everybody says (not everybody is right!) Lots of Luck!

    Answer by HypoHeartBaby at 1:16 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Dont let her get you down being a SAHM is hard! A lot of work goes into what we do everyday and its awesome your hubby is standing up for you.

    Answer by bhoward87 at 1:18 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Obviously shes never been a stay at home mom.

    Answer by Misteh at 1:19 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • First I would tell my Fiance NOT to tell me anything negative anymore that his Mother says. It is just hot air in the wind & should mean NOTHING to you. That's HER problem. The most important thing is how you & your Fiance feel. You do what ever works best for you both. If I were you, I would be cordial to her & act like your skin is too thick for her to effect you at all. She wants to shake you two up. Hold strong because all that really matters is that you & him are happy and can manage on your own without her help. GL

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:20 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • being a SAHM is the hardest job in my opinion...sometimes I work to get a BREAK!! Just nod your head and ignore her...let her get her bitching's YOUR child and being home with him is the best thing you can do :) goodl uck

    Answer by calliesmommie at 1:22 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I would try not to let it get to you. You know you are not lazy, and so does your fiance. IMO, that's all that matters. I applaud your fiance for standing up for you. I know some men have mommy issues, and don't stand up to their mothers, especially concerning their SO.


    Answer by mommy_jules at 1:23 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Tell her to move on you know whats best for your family and you are doing you are polite and kind to a woman who would tell to find the darkest part of her ass and go there. She sounds nasty ignore her and move on! GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:23 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • sahm is NOT a lazy job. Not unless you sit around all day eating bon bons and watching Oprah LOL. You will be spending the entire day cleaning the house, making meals, running errands and being there for your children.

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 1:29 PM on Feb. 3, 2011