Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Why the double standard?

Why is it if you have a child who is in any way delayed or has a condition that causes behavior problems or trouble in school, people are completely sympathetic and supportive. But, if you have a gifted child who has behavior problems or trouble in school, due to the specific nature of gifted children, you're just bragging and exaggerating?

Gifted kids (in general) are prone to problems sleeping, are short tempered or quick to become emotional, and process information differently, so that they make intuitive leaps far beyond their age, but may not have the emotional/social context to truly understand it (which means they sound like they understand things when they really don't, and can easily become scared or worried about them if they aren't explained fully).

This is all documented and researched, and is even part of the curriculum used when designing G&T programs for schools. Professionals understand it. Why then, is the general public so hostile to it? Why is it if you ask someone for ideas of how to help a child who is bored to tears in school, they immediately go on the defensive and start listing all their own child's accomplishments instead of simply answering the question?

Answer Question

Asked by NotPanicking at 1:34 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 51 (421,174 Credits)
Answers (39)
  • Hmm... I never thought about it. My sister has always been considered "gifted" and it was because of her high intelligence that she had behavioral issues. Mostly because she was so far ahead of the rest of the class and then she would get bored and act out. And now that I'm sitting here looking back I remember her having it kinda hard because everyone just assumed that because she had an IQ of 142 that she would "know how to behave." I think people have been conditioned over time to have sympathy for those who have "less" and jealousy or resentment for those who have "more" and I would assume that applies to intelligence or "gifts" as well.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 1:40 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I've never heard of a single person who thinks that way.

    Answer by gramsmom at 1:40 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • When my son was in early primary grades, don't remember which, he brought home a math test and was frustrated with the teachers grading. One of the questions was about using so many coins to come up with a certain $ amount. the teacher had marked his answer wrong, but it added up to the correct amount, he had just used odd coins (silver dollar or something else). When we asked the teacher why, "I never thought to use that combination, it isn't normal, so it must be wrong". Sadly not even the professionals always know how to handle them.

    When you have gifted kids, you have to learn to think outside the box.


    Answer by emptynstr at 2:00 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Where does your theory show all the therapies the gifted child must go through? Where are the temper tantrums that last 5 minutes to 5 hours? Where is the parent' exhaustion? Where is the fight for doctor's to finally listen? Where is knowing your child may never thrive and the worry over it?

    A gifted child will more than likely have an excellent paying job where the other children may not. There is a constant worry as a parent. I also must think outside of the box.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Interesting question.

    Answer by zebbiebug at 2:20 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You found a new way to brag and it is sickening.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I get this crap when I defend homeschooling, NP. They claim we can't possibly do well, then when I relate how he's doing I'm bragging.
    I think another issue is that the emotional age of such kids is often behind their intellectual age, and because they are so articulate people have tougher expectations for their behavior as well.

    Answer by autodidact at 2:30 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • empty nester, that kind of crap is one of the many reasons we homeschool. I encountered that kind of mentality when I was in school, too, and have heard plenty of other such stories about public school.

    Answer by autodidact at 2:32 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • what's sickening are cowardly anonymous attacks.

    Answer by autodidact at 2:34 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I did not know that gifted kids had problems. Is this a common thing? If you were talking about your child having behavioral problems, I would not label that as 'bragging."

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 2:40 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.