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Is my future MIL being a big baby? (LONG story/rant, hope you don't mind reading)

We're planning a "budget wedding". A little ceremony for the sake of my parents, family, and friends. Originally my SO and I wanted to just go to the courthouse and sign papers. When we announced our engagement everyone was thrilled! Somehow we lost control and our parents took over. Especially my MIL. They were planning this moderately extravagant wedding that neither side could really afford. That plus the cost of the dress, and church rentals, venue for the reception, invitations (my GOD the invitations), blah blah blah. Things we didn't think we necessarily had to go overboard on. Any who... after reviewing the fact that neither side could really afford ANY of this craziness. My SO and I sat them down and explained to them OUR plan. My SO is in the reserves and plans to go full active duty. So to get the ball rolling we explained that everyone's financially tight. We need money for ourselves after we get married and we feel it'd be a total waste to spend it on a giant party. I, myself am not fond of thousand dollar dresses that you'll only wear for one day of your life for a few hours. (I was searching for dress rentals.. but I originally just wanted a cute white sun dress thing- I'm not very feminine)

ok ok. Back to the MIL being a baby. Well my parents loved this plan (considering it was our side that would traditionally have to pay for it, and because they see my SO as more of a man for presenting this plan in a mature way). But my SO's mom... She keeps pushing the fact that "we can make this work. We can still rent the hotel for the venue. You want to make sure EVERYONE else enjoys themselves. (talking to SO) You owe it to her (referring to myself) and her parents to throw them a wedding. blah blah blah" If I thought my SO owed me anything it'd most likely be in the form of a trip to some tropical island for just us. And He explained to her that we aren't trying to take this away from them.. thus the small ceremony. I think living room ceremonies are adorable. Weddings can be cheap and NOT ghetto. Cost efficiency and ghettoness do not have to be the same thing IMO.

So we've stuck with my church since they'd help us out with the whole package, ceremony, marriage counseling, programs. They even have a beautiful medium sized multipurpose room we can use for the reception for about 60 people. But when we told MIL we're sticking with the MP room at the church she got upset that we didn't rent the hotel she was pushing for. Claiming "well, that'll take forever to decorate, you still have to hire caterers! you should've gotten the hotel for the people who are flying in (she's kind of a make shift wedding coordinator, helps other ppl out a lot)". One, she told us if we were to get the hotel MP room (which are HUGE ball rooms) she would decorate, wouldn't that take longer? Two, If it's less than 50 ppl, no big deal. My mom and her friends LOVE to cook (two of them owned a restaurant in another country). They make way more food than needed for our ever popular house parties with generally the same amount of people. Three, because of our change to the wedding, Only 3 people are flying in for my wedding. They're my best friends. Some still in college (i'm 21 if that's important). I wouldn't want them in a hotel after spending all that money on a plane ticket to see ME. I think i would owe it to them to stay at my house with some friendly, 'i haven't seen you in a while,' best friend hospitality.

Well now she keeps calling my SO at work complaining about everything. How his plan to go full active duty is horrible and so on.

blah blah. i'm venting i know. i hope this wasn't a total waste of your time.

but is she being reasonably upset? or is she flying off the handle?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Sounds like MIL is a type A personality and wants to control the situation. You are doing the exact thing that is right for you and your fiance. There are some very beautiful ways to decorate without going over the top. Start making cds of music and get a friend to be DJ for the night. With Valentines coming the day after sales will be awesome for decorations and candles etc. I did the decorations for our wedding and reception for about 200 bucks. We made our own invitations on the computer. They even have premades at Walmart that my stepson used for there wedding that you just print out the information on. They are very pretty.

    If I was you I would give MIL a little leeway on somethings just to keep the piece. If she wants things a certain way and both you and your fiance agree with and MIL is willing to pay for it......let her. Ask her to help make corsages and bows etc. Keep her involved and happy :).

    Answer by mistynights234 at 2:41 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • tell the mil go play in traffic lmao

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Good for you! Keep standing your ground and eventually she will see it is a waste of her time to try to bully you. The sooner she learns that, the better.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:34 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You better put her in her place. Do it now!!! If you think things will get better after you say I do, they will not. My sister lives in hell everyday of her life due to the mil. You can be respectful but she needs to know where she stands and that is not in your marriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i would be upset also. i have dreams of seeing myself have a beautiful wedding, house, and life and i also want the same for my children. i want to help them pay for a beautiful wedding, there first car, graduation party, etc. I guess some people just want to see there kids have the best of the best even if its not what they really want.
    i mean, its not her wedding so she cant control you, but try to understand where shes comming from because that would be me also. & make sure that your not going to look back in a few years and wish you would have made that one wedding of your life be a little more awesome.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:33 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • *hugs* to you. It sounds like she's excited about the wedding, but way over the top. She needs to respect....and maybe even appreciate what you two are trying to do.

    When My husband and I got married it was my 2nd wedding. I had a huge very expensive wedding the first time....that I didn't want. Both sets of parents wanted it. The 2nd time I got what I wanted.

    We got married at a beautiful little marina right where we met. Just our parents and brothers at the ceremony. We had our friends and family over afterward at our home for a simple, affordable, but beautiful reception. We have been happily married for 22 years now.

    The first marriage with the expensive wedding lasted 4 years.

    Good Luck, you'll get through this, try to enjoy this time....despite his mother's insanity.

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:35 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • no she's flying off the handle lol! but on the other hand this is probably her sons first and only wedding right so you can expect this But on the other hand. not everyone can afford a big wedding. the plans you want sound great to me. I got married at 18 in my own living room with only the preacher a witness, my mom and dad bc we couldnt afford anything else. But i totally agree with you on the dress too. Why spend all that money. yes you may be beautiful in it but like you said you only wear it in a few hours. i say stick toi your guards and she'll evventually get over this. and if i was him i'd just say hey dont call and talk to me if its about anything negative. i dont have time for it and dont care to hear it. but you know he could say it in the nicest way he could not to hurt his moms feelings. i wish you the best of luck!!!!

    Answer by jbond83 at 2:36 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • ridiculous.. My mil goes on the extreme as well, but not in the wedding department. I feel it is your decision and she has no right to intervene yes she raised your SO but this is NOT her wedding and yall can be happy with 60 ppl in a small room than 60 ppl in a huge room it's not like you'll be able to have extensive conversation with everyone. I agree with you on the dress, I borrowed a dress I thought was beautiful and only worn once.. it got a 2nd time running! Now, we had a tiny ceremony and my sister was wonderful enough to rent out 1/2 a restaurant that catered it too. We could have spent 5000 on it, but why we had everyone there that mattered to us, we were able to speak to everyone individually, we had a great time and we were able to have a honeymoon without our dd that night because we didn't spend the 5000 on the wedding and reception.!. I say your future mil is being a little ridiculous!

    Answer by kbishop8688 at 2:37 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • A lot of parents get like this when it comes to their children getting married.

    I would say just stay firm with ur decision. You made great choices, that fit you and ur SO's personality and financial situation. I think you will have a beautiful wedding and everyone will enjoy themselves because they got to share ur big day with them

    Tell her if SHE wants to pay for the wedding..then she can 100%..but if shes not..then This is the way your going to do it. End of story. and leave it at that. just let her whine..she'll come around.

    Good luck and congrats

    Answer by SweetPoison at 2:37 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • she is acting like it is her wedding. i guess my gma did that to my mom. so my mom refused to help me with my wedding. i got married at 22 and we did vegas - we flew the fam out - went to mandalay (reserved) and had a nice ceremony and dinner at a 5 star resturant... it was exactly what WE wanted.... your future dh needs to set his mom straight - it is not her wedding and doesnt matter what she wants - it isnt "her day"

    Answer by AmaliaD at 2:48 PM on Feb. 3, 2011