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Who is wrong

My DH works out of town home one wk gone 2, I have a full time job 4 kids under 10 and my 20 yr old step son living at home. We are living above our means but we cant move out until August due to lease. DH is always complaining about the way I spend money, and it is always my fault we dont have anything in savings. He has his OWN account that his paychecks go into and I have my OWN savings account that mine go into. Well I make about 750 every 2 weeks and he makes about 2000 every 2 weeks. He wants me to pay some bills,get groceries, gas, extras all on my check plus put some into savings all out of my checks. Then he will pay the rest of the bills. Well he is saying I spend way to much money on groceries .........hello 7 people and we live in a small town there is only 2 grocery stores....and it is not a WINCO or anything close ( a pack of butter here is $4) He thinks I only need to spend 100 a week on groceries. He says I dont love him or want to be with him because we have no money saved for us to be able to move to where he is.
This probably makes no sense but I am so confused all we have done for months is fight about money and it is killing me!

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Have him do the groceries and see what he spends. Maybe he'll realize how expensive it is.

    Answer by MrsMWF at 3:50 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Tell him to do the grocery shopping. Or sit there and analize the receipt! Thats bs if hes compaining about a necessity. I could see if your out buying junk or something. But still, if the bills are paid and you have some cash to spend then you should be able too

    Answer by Steph319 at 3:51 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • My thoughts.

    Neither of you are wrong. Neither of you are right.

    You are both just not on the same page in regards to finances and how they need to be/should be handled. The only way to solve the issue is for the two of you to work **together** and get on the same page in regards to family finances and how they should be handled. There needs to be mutual understanding of where all the money "needs" to go, and all the other places it goes as well. There needs to be mutual understanding in regards to the cost of upkeep/maintaining a household that size. There needs to be mutual understanding that the situation is not "his"/"hers", it's OURS. The two of you are a team, or you should be, and you should be working together as one. Instead it seams the two of you are working against one another.Communication, mutual understanding, mutually agreed upon budgets, mutually agreed upon strategy to dealing with money is what is needed

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:52 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Can not make a decision because I do not know what other bills and how much they are. You say you are suppose to pay some bills. What bills? how much? If you want an answer you have to give the information.
    Do you and your husband sit down and go over the numbers or do you just throw things out and argue.
    You need a tight budget and live on it.
    It is possible to live on $100 for groceries, but it would be very tight and take a lot of planning.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:52 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I think it's less about how much money you spend & more about the family being split up & unable to move right now. Men don't want to admit that they get lonely & just want you right there beside them sometimes. It's easier for some men to make it all about you instead of admitting they are softies at heart & feel vulnerable at times. Sit down together & write out the budget. Help him see where the money actually goes. Make a plan, set a target & shoot for it. When he sees it on paper & can see that you are working together to bring the family under one roof, maybe it will help him feel better.

    Answer by specialwingz at 3:54 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Thats just it when he is home and goes grocery shopping he buys junk! But he does not realize when he is this week I had to get 2 RX for my kids, 2 co-pays at the DR. , lunch money for 3 kids, I have went through 2 tanks of gas in a week (I drive 20 miles each way to work ) lunch stuff for me. I feel like he is controlling the $. Then he keeps asking what I am going to do with my tax return we file seprate since he technically is a resident of another state. I tell him pay off some bills and save the rest, but it is like he wants me to hand it all over to him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Id be pretty pissed if my husband told me I didnt love him and it was because of something money related. But thats me. I dont think he is right. I think he might be putting alot of pressure on you and he doesnt have as much. If he isnt home often he probably doesnt see how much food you go through either. I dont know what to tell you other then to sit down maybe and make a list of how much things are, and how much you go through every week and show him. Then ask him how he thinks he could do it better.

    Answer by gemgem at 3:59 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Our rent is 1100 and after we moved in and winter hit we realized propane averages 300 a month, plus electric 150 a mo, phone and internet 200, suburban 120, storage 70, daycare 450, those are the ones I can think of right off hand I told him I would and could do storage, electric and suburban each month. I am trying to find new options for daycare seems how my ex is not paying child support because he is a lazy ass...! Also, DH pisses me off because he is missing out on 700 a month perdieum (sp) because some idiot told him to claim it on his taxes and he would get more back, which is not true but DH wont listen to me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:05 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i was about to loose my brains with this same money issue and what i did which may not be possible with your husband out of state is that i make my husband now pay the bills. we just barely paid our mortgage for jan on the 28th and here it is due again. do you think he now knows that we are living above our means and that i had to sell my daughters play house and other stuff which he got upset about. maybe you guys should just combine your income into one and leave him to be responsible for everything including when he is there give him the list of gorceries to buy so it's not junk and have him buy the 2 wks worth so that you have enough. have him be totally responsible for everything and you just sit back and enjoy not having to be responsible for anything. this was really hard for me to do but i'm telling you i'm stress free and he hates the responsibility but he learned quick what i was talking about. leave it in his hands

    Answer by melody77 at 4:13 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • also just set up to pay all the bills online and just monitor it and point out what needs paid when it needs paid. then if something pops up like dr's etc then you ask him if you can with draw some money from the jpoint account. lets see just how far he can handle it or realize that he was wrong to assume you do everything wrong with money and that the real issues is that you guys are just living above your means that means that no matter how thirfty you are that your income just doesn't cover everything.

    Answer by melody77 at 4:15 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

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