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2 Bumps

Am I being unrealistic my husband of 30 years left 4 months ago -feels unreal still , I am not sure what to do next can anyone advise me

walked out ,left children to tell me
he is blaming me and making me feel it is all my fault
he isn't speaking to me / just gives out abuse if he does

Answer Question
 
lily621

Asked by lily621 at 7:00 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Of course it is going to feel unreal. You were with him 30 years, not 3 days .
    Normal
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Of course it feels unreal that is a lifetime, you will be fine.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:04 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I'd tell the kids to tell him to make sure he pays the mortgage and all the bills plus spousal support AND insurance so you can go talk to someone about this. Leaving is one thing but how he did it leaves little for closure. That's just unkind. I'm sorry he did that to you but if he's abusive then this may be a blessing in disguise. You are probably not ready to hear that but in time you might.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:04 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • If he is playing the blame game, you don't have to listen to the garbage. You need to find a good divorce attorney, and get your share of whatever he has accumulated over the past 30 years and let your attorney deal with the asshole! It won't get better by ignoring it, and you are giving him time to get rid of stuff, and close accounts, etc. Hit him fast, and hard, and freeze everything until you get a real total, not just the total he wants you to see. A good attorney will help you get through this, and when it is over, you can start your new life with something behiind you.
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 7:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Sounds like your for the better. Never put your children in the middle! Never have your children deliver your messages!!!
    momofne

    Answer by momofne at 7:22 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Think of it as a new start,I know its scarey but, I bet u can do it. I asked my 1st hubby who was she and he spilled his guts. Don't let him blame u cause, I bet ya he's the guilty one.
    pswiley

    Answer by pswiley at 7:23 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Oh momma I am so sorry that you have to deal with this right now! BUT do not let him make you feel bad about ANYTHING!!! This was HIS decision and HIS decision ALONE! You are a STRONG woman and I KNOW you can do this. You have to just take it one day at a time and if you have to one MINUTE at a time. I would suggest going to counseling to help you sort thru all of these feelings and emotions! Good luck momma and ONLY talk to him when absolutely necessary and if he starts getting verbally abusive say I don't have to take this and either walk away or hang up the phone. I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
    Bird16_J

    Answer by Bird16_J at 8:34 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I understand why it would feel unreal. 30 years is longer than I've been alive! Your situation sounds a lot like what my mom did to my dad. I'm sorry you're going though this. best wishes!
    mama2br00ke

    Answer by mama2br00ke at 8:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • It isn't your fault, no one deserves to be treated like that for any reason. And using the children like that is just disgusting to me. I am really sorry, it is going to be rough but hang in there, one day things will be okay again. And hopefully something better is just around the corner.

    My friend's husband up and left like this after a long marriage with children. It is devastating. She is much happier now, but it takes time. A lot of time.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:35 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Get a very good lawyer. Because you were married for such a long time, you are probably eligible for spousal support and more than 50% of your joint assets. Freeze all accounts including his retirement. Get the money out of all bank accounts and put it in your name only. You may be asked to give some of it back later, but that's ok. Change the locks on the doors. Good luck, mama.

    I was married 30 years. Been there, done that, have the t shirt. There is life again and you will be happy again but be pro active.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 3:21 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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