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2 Bumps

This isn't normal, is it?

Our adopted child is emotionally and socially developmentally delayed. She also had ADD, OCD and is learning disabled. She is on medication, goes to counseling up to 3 times a week and sees a psychiatrist once a month. At 10 she is just beginning to read, tell time, etc. We have been told that despite being 10, mentally she is closer to a child of 6-7 years old though she is quite fluent with computers.
She is in a very small, special needs class at her school and has become extremely attached to her teachers. She was once very active playing outside after school and now simply goes to her room to play alone only coming down for dinner. It's almost like she's biding time until she can get back to school. We try to engage her in conversation, do fun things with her, etc and she seems fine but always very anxious to get to school.
During conversations with her we hear almost nothing except what her teacher did that day, how wonderful her teachers thinks she is, how she said something and the teachers laughed at her. The other day I found that she was carrying toys to school to give to her teachers as a gift. We let her know that she didn't need to give her teachers gifts for them to like her - that they liked her without her having to give them anything.
Her teachers birthday is coming up and our child decided to make a card for her. She asked how to spell the teachers name as well as how to write it. She has watched my other child google information on the computer for homework reasons and during her computer time googled her teachers name to get her phone number and address.
We asked her immediately what she planned to do with that info - and she had no good reason. When we looked through the cards she had made for teacher we found that they had the following sentiments - "I love you so much, I love you, you are like God." She had made at least 4 cards all expressing her love for this teacher.
My husband and I told her that sentiments that deep were really inappropriate for her to be expressing to her teacher - as well as googling her teachers name.
Since then we are constantly asked questions like "What do you think my teacher likes to eat for dinner? Do you think my teacher likes this color?" Then comes the very strange information from her like - "My teacher gave me this candy today because I massaged her fingers." Then, this past week, one of her teachers gave her a gift and card for her birthday. This was not a small token but a nearly $20 gift given to her because as my child relayed to me "I am more special than the other kids."
So, now my child is smitten with two teachers and I am seeing red flags and this really happening??????
I think my child's behavior borders on obsessive and is very worrisome. I think the teacher was inappropriate in giving my child such a gift - regardless of the fact that it was her birthday. She hasn't done this for her other students. To be completely honest the whole situation just feels very creepy to me and I hate that I have that feeling related to my child's behavior.
I have called her therapist and requested a meeting with her ASAP!!!! to discuss the situation. What would you do?
What do you think? Am I overreacting to my childs behavior?
I've just never experienced anything like a loss. Any advice or comments are truly appreciated. Thank you!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • I would contact the school and request a meeting with the principal, the guidance counselor, the special needs supervisor and the teachers. This whole situation is rather creepy and I think it needs to be addressed very quickly.

    Answer by Marwill at 7:45 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Maybe the teachers notice a slight disability in your child and feel bad... not in a bad way but since they feel she is apprecative with them, they are to her. But only as a simple child, teacher manner

    Answer by ashleyxo8 at 7:48 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Wow. I would call the school and speak to the principle and maybe go and visit or volunteer in the classroom to see first hand what is going on. Good luck

    Answer by parajumper3 at 7:49 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I would keep an eye on it, and maybe talk to a counselor, but it sounds a like the way a young girl acts when she idolizes a pop star like Miley Cyrus, or Lindsay Lohan. A teacher may be a better role model, but it's true that your daughter needs to learn what is appropriate here.

    I think I would be concerned, but try to keep some perspective. Look to her teacher and counselor for some support.

    Answer by ohwrite at 7:50 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • that sounds really creepy,I hope and pray nothing sexual is happening to your little one. I would be concerned too

    Answer by MarGeee at 7:50 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • A lot of children idolize their teachers. They think they know everything. Plus your dd most likely had a rough childhood and doesn't quiet grasp the fact that 'love' is a very strong word. How long have you had your dd?? Is your family attending group therapy? It might help you understand the changes going on with your dd. as for being unsocial when coming home, I'd simply make it a rule that homework is to be done downstairs at the kitchen table and that she can't go upstairs until after dinner. Explain to her that you miss spending time with her. As for the gift, id talk directly to the teacher, let her know you were uncomfortable with the fact that she gave her such and extravagant gift. Id also notify the principal about what happened.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 7:51 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • better check it out real quick momma I've hear dof teachers doing weird stuff like that,and using stuff to keep the kid hushed up

    Answer by MarGeee at 7:52 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I agree, I have 6 adopted siblings and they do tend to form overwhelming attachments at times, however the teachers response and the continuing obsessive adoration, would definitely make me nervous as well, especially since she is more withdrawn with everyone else.
    I don't think you are over reacting at all.

    Answer by katey1211 at 7:54 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i dont really know but i think it may be a few things , but my first thought would be are any of her teaher men? cuz my sister was sexual abused by her teacher and she "slow". but at the time my sister thought it was ok because they teacher told her that she was "speical" and did the whole "ur a good girl" and if her behavoir isnt normal i would think something was up . i mean im not saying thats true but i would question it. I could see the facination with the teacher with being OCD and her "mental age" but if its just a recent behavoir i would be concerned

    Answer by Cherriemama831 at 7:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Bring mor people into the situation like her principal, the teacher and your daughter's therapist. It may be more benign than it seems but shedding some light on the whole thing will help everyone get back on track for taking care of your daughter. When you meet, remember to keep it on how things will affect your daughter long term. Seek solutions from the teacher and the school staff.

    Also, ask your daughter what her favorite things are about her teacher. What are her favorite things that her teacher does for her? What are her favorite things to do for her teacher. Don't put any judgements on her statements. If you seem interested in what is making her happy, you might find out more than if you put judgements on the things she is telling you.

    Answer by Shawnnow at 8:00 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

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