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Grandmother issues............... what do i do

I feel like my daughter grandmother dont like her at all..... it my boyfriend mother. well he had a son. with another woman. befor we started dateing . well i consider him to be my step son even cause I was there when that boy was 3 and he is now 6.
well the prob is there grandmother treats each kid way different and it really gets to me she brings over toys and stuff for aiden but not my daughter. and it really hurts her feeling and she gets mad when she cant play with them cause there not hers.
I have no clue why that old lady does it. I tryed talking to my boyfriend about it but he says she does everything the same and that it just me............ she wont even watch addi my daughter but aiden is over there every weekend . she takes him to do all sorts of fun things like swimming bowling to the park and stuff. I dont know my she dont take addi first i thought it was cause shes 2 but they do a lot of activity's that she can join it too. I had some friend of ours that even noticed she is like that. I dont know but its really really starting to get under my nerves. I would sit there and think y she does that why........but i have no clue. its way mean. but anyone has any advise or anything???????????????????????

 
tearb

Asked by tearb at 8:49 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 11 (629 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • She evidently considers the son her grandchild. How does she treat you? Was your BF married to the other woman? I thought perhaps she thought differently because you and he are not married. Perhaps you need to have a talk with her and ask why she brings her grandson gifts and not her granddaughter. Talk to you BF before and tell him you want to ask her. Then get his agreement and tell her that your son cannot receive gifts unless it is his birthday or unless your daughter also receives something as she is hurt by it. Stress that she is the grandmother of both children. It has to be hurtful for her. We have a grandson of my husband's who has a brother and sister and we try to treat them equally. It is hard as he is the onlyone who is our grandchild, but they call us Grandma and Grandpa and we take them places. We give them gifts for birthdays and chirstmas. I offered them a flight to our home. We try.
    Sweet_Carol_126

    Answer by Sweet_Carol_126 at 9:26 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • If your boyfriend doesn't or won't see it, there's not going to be a lot you can do, short of keeping her away from your dd. However, you could try something like getting a little notebook, and make two columns, side by side. Every time she brings something, write down what it is, in the column for that child. Then make a separate page for going to do stuff... Keep in mind though, there's more to "go do" with a 6 yr old than a 2 yr old, and if your 2 yr old (like most of them), acts up, has tantrums, isn't fully potty trained, etc, then that could be the problem (ask yourself if she treated your step son this way when he was this age - don't compare a 6 yr old to the 2 yr old, kwim?)

    Then, when you have the obvious list, show it to your bf, and explain that you don't mind that she treats grandson well, but that you do mind that she hurts granddaughter badly, and

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:01 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • cont

    Tell him you know that since he's a good dad who loves BOTH his kids, you're sure that now that he can see it, he's not going to want one of them hurt like this.

    Then ask him if he will help you / present a united front with his mom, explaining to her that either she has to treat both kids equally, or she will not be allowed around either of them, because you are not going to allow one child to be slighted in favor of the other.

    Be prepared though that she might choose to "drop" both kids... You can't "make" her love your dd. I'm sorry :-(
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:03 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Oh, one other thing - if your boyfriend isn't willing, after this, to want to put a stop to it, or refuses to see it, then you might have to re-consider being with him. Because what kind of man would be willing to allow one of his kids to be treated badly, but the other be treated great...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:05 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • ya i know he has a problem telling her things or saying no to her................like if we were going to do something wih the kids and she said she wanted aiden to go with her to blah blah or watever he just say fine then and we they get off the phone his all pissed about it
    He has a prob stepping up to her I know that one
    tearb

    Comment by tearb (original poster) at 9:25 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • wow, i would not let her see either kid...
    treat both kids equal or don't see them at all.
    thats just what i would do. good luck with her. thats a bit ridiculous from a grandmother :( poor kid
    Sammy4411

    Answer by Sammy4411 at 10:04 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • ya im afraid when she gets older and starts realizing what going on............... and him and his ex was not married
    and bfs mom is ok with me i mean sometime she kinda says things rudely but i think thats just how she is if not i dont let it bug me but when it comes towards to my kids i wont let anyone say anything bad about them or be mean to them
    tearb

    Comment by tearb (original poster) at 10:29 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I don't think your boyfriend mom like s you theerfore she's not gonna accept your child
    soraya14

    Answer by soraya14 at 10:40 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I would remove grandma from the equation, plain and simple. I wouldn't take her over there anymore. If grandma wants to see your daughter, make her work for it. If she doesn't, good riddance. Inequalities like that will eventually really become a big problem for your daughter, and this grandmother can really ruin her by telling her that she doesn't measure up to the other boy all the time. Better to just keep her away. You aren't going to change that grandma, and your boyfriend clearly is not cutting the apron strings either. He needs to step up to his mother for his daughter's sake. If not, then no grandma in her life. Period. You don't need a grandma like that!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:17 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

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